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Community Manager
Posts: 4,984
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

I'm being bullied- help!

Okay well I'm not actually being bullied right now, although i have definitely been bullied in the past. School in particular was not a very fun time for me and i know I'm not alone in having that experience. Bullying can also happen in the workplace, in clubs or sports and lots of other places too. No matter where it occurs, it's definitely not okay.

 

So over the next few weeks I'm going to start a few more discussions like this one to start figuring out what we can do to stop this shitty thing happening.

 

To start I ithought I'd set up thread to talk about what to do if you're experiencing bullying.

 

1. How can you look after yourself if bullying is happening?

 

2. What helps with stopping bullying happening?

 

3. What do you wish you said to someone who bullied you?

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,435
Registered: ‎28-05-2016

Re: I'm being bullied- help!

Omg you scared me a lot when I saw your icon next to the title @Ben-RO!!! Smiley Frustrated Oh well I'm glad you're okay Smiley Happy

 

I think it's really important that if you're being bullied that you find people who you can talk to and spend time with. Bullying can be so isolating and it's important to be able to talk about it and to just hang out with people and have fun away from the fear of bullying! I think it's also important to look after yourself by reminding yourself that it's not your fault and that nothing you've done justifies being hurt. I think it's also important to take time to destress and do stuff that you're good at and enjoy, because bullying can really affect your sense of self and self esteem. 

 

Sometimes what helps is when other people (like bystanders) intervene and support the victim. I don't believe that it's the victim's responsibility to stop the bullying, they can ask for help and support because ultimately it's not their fault and they might not be able to stop it on their own. 

 

I hope anyone experiencing bullying is okay right now Heart We're here for you, and Kids Helpline is always a good number to call as well - 1800 55 1800.

 

@Ben-RO, was wondering, what exactly is the definition of bullying? Can you be bullied by people who are taking care of you in a sense, like psychologists or health professionals? 

Builder
Posts: 14,866
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: I'm being bullied- help!

I only just saw this, catching on some posts that I've missed in the last few days. 


1. How can you look after yourself if bullying is happening?

This is tricky, because I know for me when I was being bullied my self esteem dropped so low that I didn't really pay attention to looking after myself. But I do remember one thing I did when I was in primary school, I came home and someone had said all these nasty things to me and they felt so true, but I got out this drawing book and wrote down the good things about me, it took a lot because at first I didn't think there was any good things, but I ended up writing something. They were quite silly and more like responses to what had been said to me but I kept it and I looked at it a lot. 

 

When bullying is happening it's important to give yourself lots of love and kindness. That could mean doing your favourite things, doing anything that makes you feel good, being around people that appreciate you and you might be able to talk to them about what's happening too. Find a little happy place.

 

 

2. What helps with stopping bullying happening?

 

I think making people aware that their behaviour is actually bullying, as a lot of people just don't get it, they think things like continuously poking fun at a person who clearly isn't enjoying it is funny but it is bullying and I used to see this a lot when I was at school. I don't know how we'd do this.

Also reminding bystanders that they need to be talking to someone about it. I was told when I was younger that a bystander who stays silent is as bad at the bully themselves, it does make sense but I can also understand why a bystander would be too afraid to speak up. 
I also know that bullying is illegal but I'm not too sure of the consequences of it, so I think that needs to be made more clear and act as deterrent.


3. What do you wish you said to someone who bullied you?

 

 I was bullied in lots of different ways by lots of different people. There was a few cases where I wish I had spoken up and told them that what they're doing is bullying and I do not like it. I wish I had told them to stop and that I had stood up for myself but that was a very difficult thing to when all my confidence and self esteem had been crushed.

I wish I had told them what I wrote in that little notebook and I remember some of what I wrote because I found it a few years ago...

- I do have friends

- I'm not ugly because I actually have nice hair 

- I'm not annoying

- I'm kind I like to help people 

 

@DruidChild I think you can be bullied by people who are supposed to help you, and it's a misuse of power. I only realised until this year that the way I was treated by a teacher in primary school was bullying. I think at first they had the right intentions but eventually it go to the point where I wasn't allowed to answer any questions or speak like the other kids because as soon as I did this particular person pointed at me and told me I was "attention seeking and nobody listen to him", "that's attention seeking behaviour" "this is an example of attention seeking and not how we behave here".

its sad, so many people just let it happen because they don't know any different 

 

//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Super star contributor
Posts: 2,435
Registered: ‎28-05-2016

Re: I'm being bullied- help!

You make some really awesome and important points @j95, thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm really sorry that you were bullied, by people around you and by your teacher. That's not okay and it must have taken a lot of strength to get through it!

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,818
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: I'm being bullied- help!

@j95 I really like your point of people who are supposed to help being bullies.

This happened to me and it's part of the bigger issue that haunts me everyday, it's part of the reason I can't deal with people telling me to go swimming, to do deep breathing, to go certain places.... the list goes on.

See I got told by this person that they would help me... I trusted them.... trusted them with tooooo much... and they hurt me! Told me I was always negative and always wanted to be like that.... Yep someone who threatens me and my family isn't helping... Like I don't think the problem is ever going to go away and I hate myself for trusting them.

The only reason I'm still going is because I try to block out what happened and think that they don't matter, but there was more than one person involved.

Community Manager
Posts: 4,984
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

Re: I'm being bullied- help!

Thank you for sharing your experiences @loves netball. I'm sorry that you got treated so horribly, especially by someone that you trusted and were vulnerable with. That's not okay and you definitely don't deserve that. I hope we can keep finding ways to continue working through this, even if we just do it little bits at a time. 

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,818
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: I'm being bullied- help!

But I did deserve it, it was actually with two people. One of them did the bullying on behalf of the other. It's the reason why I may never get job in what I study at uni. I brought this on all myself, and if it's never going to go away

Builder
Posts: 83
Registered: ‎24-09-2016

Re: I'm being bullied- help!

I had online bullying by a group of friends who were actually close to me. I was also victim blamed and physically scruntised, the list goes on. I have felt similar @loves_netball, I shared things with my friends that have happened to me in my past and I felt betrayed that they would hurt me even more. I couldn't understand!

1. How can you look after yourself if bullying is happening?
Finding people to hang around with or things to do that make you feel positive or counteract bullying. For example, people supporting you or going to the gym or putting on makeup if that makes you feel good.

2. What helps with stopping bullying happening?
Telling people you trust what is going on so they can intervene when bullying occurs. As more of a prevention tool, educating people on how bullying can hurt and what is considered bullying. Maybe also important to note that just because you are friends, bullying can still occur and it's important to respect boundaries that people place for you.

3. What do you wish you said to someone who bullied you?
I did get to say what I wanted so probably nothing.. I was thinking of telling them how it feels etc but I think that is really difficult to do because it makes you more vulnerable to someone who is already picking on your vulnerabilities. I would probably have liked to not give them the satisfaction of a reaction.
Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
– Henry Ford
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