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Builder
Posts: 14,963
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Potential mentor or elder

I got a response today 😁
//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Super star contributor
Posts: 2,461
Registered: ‎28-05-2016

Re: Potential mentor or elder

Yay @j95, that's awesome Smiley Very Happy What's the next step?

Builder
Posts: 14,963
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Potential mentor or elder

Well we're going to meet for a coffee just organising a time, it would be nice if we could have a chat first before we meet because it's a little scary, but I guess it's exciting this way too and we'll have lots to talk about it @DruidChild I'm pretty nervous
//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Super star contributor
Posts: 2,461
Registered: ‎28-05-2016

Re: Potential mentor or elder

That's awesome @j95, it seems like you got a really positive reaction from them Smiley Very Happy I think it's really normal to be nervous! Maybe you could have a think about what you want to talk to them about, make a list even? I'm so glad you got a good response Smiley Very Happy

Mod
Posts: 12,889
Registered: ‎08-04-2013

Re: Potential mentor or elder

Yay @j95! Smiley Happy It is a little scary, but I believe in you! The important thing is that you trust them. You could try chatting with them a little beforehand if you'd like. I'm excited for you Smiley Happy
Community Manager
Posts: 208
Registered: ‎08-12-2016

Re: Potential mentor or elder

That's awesome @j95 I'm so glad she replied quickly and you'll get an opportunity to meet with her.

 

When you have a day and time set, let us know.

 

If you're keen, I have a couple of exercises you could do beforehand to reduce the anxiety.

Builder
Posts: 14,963
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Potential mentor or elder

On Monday at about 1:30 @Ngaio-RO I hope it goes well
And yeah I'm keen to hear about these excersises Smiley Happy
//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Community Manager
Posts: 208
Registered: ‎08-12-2016

Re: Potential mentor or elder

 

So @j95  these are helpful when you're doing something, like this, that makes you anxious in the lead-up and has the potential to be anything from amazing to terrible.

 

You basically ‘rehearse’ all the different options you can think of.  You just do it in your mind, but it’s far more detailed than just realising it could turn out a bunch of ways.

 

So you write down a list of all the different possible outcomes you can think of. Do it privately, and be brutally honest with yourself. What’s in your heart of hearts? And, what’s in the dark corner of your most intense fears? And all the options in between.

 

Then think each one through. What would you say? What would she say (in your imagination)? Are you standing? Are you eating? Who pays? When she says that do you get up and leave? If she says that do you hug goodbye? Then what happens?

 

The idea is that it’s our fear of the unknown that really gets us and if you walk through the really full-on outcomes then you know you can survive them.

 

The final bit is you work out your post-event plan. Who will you call? What will you do? Whether it goes well or not well there’s a good chance you’ll be amped at the end, how will you ground yourself?

 

And worst case scenario, things don’t go great and she can’t see what an awesome dude you are, how will you manage the feelings that come up?

 

 

 

Builder
Posts: 14,963
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Potential mentor or elder

Wow lots to think about!! @Ngaio-RO my heart is beating so fast just looking at all those things but it's ok
//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Community Manager
Posts: 208
Registered: ‎08-12-2016

Re: Potential mentor or elder

Yeah sorry @j95 I know it looks like heaps.

 

If it helps to frame it like this, you would have been thinking about it anyway, this gives you some structure to the thoughts and will help you keep your mind in check so you don't spin out.

 

And if you're feeling super chill about it, then this is just a bit of low key prep.

 

And please ignore it if it feels too much.

Whatever is right for you. Cat Very Happy

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