05-05-2017 12:25 PM
The more I try to think and remember the harder it is, the more I cry. I had lost sleep last night again, I didn't go to sleep till 4am, and got up around 7, I am having huge headaches right now, feeling very weal and sick physically. I don't know what I want or what i Like, I don't feel like eating, or doing anything, I walk around the food court, I can't feel anything about food, and I don't feel I had not been eating for a while, I just can't feel anything...
05-05-2017 02:07 PM
@student i can hear how much stress you're experiencing right now and how much of a toll its taking. Do you want to talk about it?
I also think it'd be really good for you to call someone to talk a bit more one on one how would you feel about doing that?
You can call KHL here or type to them on webchat here too if you want
05-05-2017 03:36 PM - last edited Thursday by Ben-RO
I had been raped by a PHD student from University many times while I was not conscious, which I had reported to the police and made statements and had been through all the questioning on this. The university knows this, because I wrote an confronting email to this student's rape towards me, the university had been stealing and reading my emails without my consent, they read this emails but instead of helping me, the university further excluded me from my course forever, and they did nothing about the rape. I called the school, explained that I was scared and also tried to protect the people involved, the evil lady from school coldly laughed at me and further sarcastically said:"now you are out, what you can learn from this, you don't protect the bullies anymore." to make me feel I deserve all of the unfair treatment because I was scared to report and was trying to protect people;
Later on, she further breathed the confidentiality to the case to many irrelevant people and lied to them, and I was sent 2 different letters by different departments from school, said I was posing danger and threats to the school and one letter said would call the police for stalking if I try to contact anyone to discuss my case to make complaints; The other letter accuse me of harassment while I was going through the appeal process, said all the emails that I sent during the appeal process to discuss my case was harassment and I was further excluded of entering all premises, because I had sent all those emails during my appeal, and I was also threatened if I contact or send emails to anyone I will have criminal case come to me and have criminal records,
-- Throughout, In the statements from her and all the statements throughout the case, there had been so many statement that were very humiliating. They intentionally interpret all my friendships, interaction with males as sexual, or interpret, written in sexually suggestive languages to degrade me, which was very hurtful and painful for me, it was very humiliating, and traumatising.They trie to suggest that I am a slut. Spread rumours that I am a slut.
05-05-2017 03:41 PM - last edited Thursday by Ben-RO
In Septembe He had lied to his work colleagues, which resulted me being misunderstood, I wanted to explain, I was publicly yelled at, pushed, hit. later I wrote a couple of emails to complaint the way I had been treated to he and his colleague . who physically assaulted me and yelled and publicly humiliated me, mis-interpreted me to get me seen wrongly, while I was trying to explain the truth), I made the complaint to them later on by email, and at the time, She told me she didn't want to be involved and didn't want to know anything about it, told me never send her any emails about it or ever again, but later on, she wrote insulting statements and lied to support He said that I had been harassing him for 2 years, insulted me for sending her the email to try to explain to complain and said I was harassing her with the emails to confront to complain how I had been treated was wrong.
05-05-2017 05:54 PM
Hey @student we can't help you with the complaint side of things, maybe we can help with finding out what will help you feel less exhausted and get through what you are experiencing safely. It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of distress right now. when that happens it's time to look after yourself and put the problem aside for a little while while you rest and recover.
Also i had to edit some of your posts. We don't mention specific methods of harm or self harm, because this can be very upsetting for other people who have experienced similar things to read. You're not in trouble or anything, just a heads up.
Have you called someone yet? I am very worried about you and i want you to call or type to someone who can offer you some one on one support asap. Can you let me know when you have done this please? Here are some people you can talk to
05-05-2017 06:38 PM
I feeling like dying more and more, this feeling is getting more and more real, I thought when the case first happened, it should be more stronger, and when time passes it should get less and less and I would get out of it and move on, but the longer time passes, the more it feels real and convincing. You don't even care about me and my case, just like everyone else, you don't care what had happened to me. I feel everyone is trying to push me, to force me to die, to make sure I will die and leave me no options for hope, they tried really hard to destroy it. Everything of it. Anythgin I am trying to hold onto, become the target. I beg not to do something, that is the very thing to hurt me with.
05-05-2017 06:39 PM
vvvvI feeling like dying more and more, this feeling is getting more and more real, I thought when the case first happened, it should be more stronger, and when time passes it should get less and less and I would get out of it and move on, but the longer time passes, the more it feels real and convincing. You don't even care about me and my case, just like everyone else, you don't care what had happened to me. I feel everyone is trying to push me, to force me to die, to make sure I will die and leave me no options for hope, they tried really hard to destroy it. Everything of it. Anythgin I am trying to hold onto, become the target. I beg not to do something, that is the very thing to hurt me with.
05-05-2017 07:30 PM
Hi @student I'm so sorry to hear how much you're struggling right now. It sounds like you're very vulnerable and understandably, it would be hard to hold it all together all the time. I guess you just have to take my word for it that here, you are valued and cared for. The more support you can get, the better it will be. At least here you have some emotional support and a chance to share your journey with all of us. I am worried about your thoughts of death and feeling like dying. Are you going to be safe tonight?
06-05-2017 02:02 PM
@student how are you doing today? Were you able to use some strategies to help get you through last night?
Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.