18-01-2017 05:09 PM
I totally get the constant gendering. It makes me want to scream in frustration.
I might come back and come back and try to answer again because I am so tired.
I definitely have experience in hating your body. I wish I could just bring myself up to buying a binder or something like that.
I don't really have any suggestions, I mostly just put away these feelings and focus on something else because there's nothing else I can really do about it.
18-01-2017 05:30 PM
I know, right @N1ghtW1ng?! Today the train announcer was like 'ladies and gentleman, the next stop will be,' and I was like, 'oh great, I guess you're not talking to me then since I am neither' Also I am not anyone's daughter and I am absolutely not anyone's 'good girl.' I know you've talked about it happening to you at work, too, that must be really tough
Sometimes redirecting your focus is the best thing to do, I think, but after a while it can stop being helpful. @N1ghtW1ng and @redhead (and anyone else!), we all seem to really struggle with finding ways to manage these feelings...I wonder if maybe we could design a few strategies to deal with this stuff and try them out together? Then report back on what worked or didn't work? Just a suggestion
I also found this video the other day which always manages to make me feel a tiny bit better about this stuff! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EMB85w6eLDM
18-01-2017 05:46 PM
Ohh i like this idea a lot @DruidChild. It'd be cool to pull in all the different lessons we learn and things we find helpful to share
18-01-2017 06:57 PM
Okay I'm gonna come clean - I relate to parts of this but still identify as female and probably always will. There are times when things happend to my body and I was like, yes I'm not a girl anymore. And there times still associated with self harm when I don't want to be female. But I accept that I am. I don't really feel much sexual attraction to people because of my past, so sometimes I question if I'm asexual or not. This is not something I've spoken to anyone in person about. I kind of just ignore gender/sexual stuff from others because I'm not interested.
18-01-2017 07:05 PM - edited 18-01-2017 07:23 PM
Thanks so much for sharing that with us @loves netball It's 100% okay to relate to parts of this and still identify as female! And if you don't feel like gender or sexuality are things that you want/need to think about, that's also completely fine. Everybody has such different feelings towards their gender, I love how everybody has such unique experiences and ways of relating to themselves We're here for you if you wanted to chat more about the asexuality stuff, too!
And I forgot to say, feel free to chat about any other gender stuff here if you want to!
19-01-2017 08:09 PM - edited 19-01-2017 08:09 PM
That's a super important topic and if you want to chat about it more, maybe you could start a new thread? Happy to chat here, as well, but you might get more responses if you start specific thread It's okay to be confused about these things, they're confusing topics! @loves netball
19-01-2017 08:35 PM
Tbh this is random but I'm feeling Emotional and I didn't get a chance to say this before I left hospital so shout out to:
the awesome nurse who sat down with me and told me I seemed like a nice girl when I told him I was evil and then when I said 'I'm not a girl' acted just as casually interested. And when I said I hated wearing the hospital bracelet marked F he left. And got scissors. And silently cut the hospital bracelet off my wrist. And one evening when I didn't come to dinner cos I was hysterically sobbing and he came to check on me and he! Used! My! Chosen! Name!
the other awesome nurse who sat with me while I was crying and told me to be confident about who I was and other people would be okay with it. And offered to use my chosen name and when I said no (cos my psychologist told me I was being a nuisance by having two names ) used a shortened, more gender neutral version of my birth name.
the awesome nursing student who asked me what I liked to be called and when I told her my birth name was fine said she just wanted to check because she wanted people to be comfortable and have their gender identities respected.
the other awesome nursing student who complimented my skirt and when I told her wearing it made me feel like crap looked at me really carefully and then told me about her guy friend who wears skirts all the time.
And okay now I'm crying because they were so nice and now I'm in a place where nobody knows who I actually am. But they made me feel better when I was in a pretty horrible mental space and I'm just really grateful I guess. I don't know what the point is here...just, like, have hope that there are good people who will be kind to you and respect who you are.
19-01-2017 08:42 PM
@DruidChild That was such a beautiful post thank you for sharing that.. Isn't it amazing that there are such compassionate and understanding people in the health system still. I am sure you're probably all over it - but do you get involved with Minus 18 much? There's a lot of crew member/volunteer opportunities there. Here's the link in case not - Minus18 Website [click]