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Super star contributor
Posts: 2,212
Registered: ‎28-05-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

Thank you @Bree-RO Smiley Happy It gives me a lot of hope to know that there are some people out there who are okay with who I am. I haven't really checked out Minus18, so thanks - I've been involved in a different LGBT group recently though and I didn't really feel comfortable there for some reason so idk if I want to try other stuff just yet. 

Mod Squad
Posts: 1,210
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

@DruidChild no problem! Ah fair enough. I was in their office the other day and met them in person, they're a pretty good group. They're really big on pronouns and supporting gender dysphoria. It's good to know there's stuff out there anyway for when you are ready Smiley Happy

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,212
Registered: ‎28-05-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

Thanks @Bree-RO Smiley Happy I appreciate having the info there 

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,818
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

[ Edited ]

I don't think I can make thread about this - I have far toooooo many!

I'm sure someone will edit this if it's not appropriate.

So my family are all against same sex attraction and transgender being a normal thing. 

I used to worry going through my teens that I was not straight, mostly because whilst everyone else at high school talked openly about their sexual life I was always single. (I did flirt with guys a few times and they flirted with me; and went through a phase where I felt like I wasn't a girl - can't really explain this). I've since decided that I am not same sex attracted but the thought of someone touching me just repulses me. The last time I saw my case manager she expressed that she thinks I'm seeing people - ummm no way. Like wtf is wrong with me. Like I should be following the family expectation - go out and meet someone, get married, have kids. My GP I was seeing used to make jokes about this too (I just joked back), but seriously why can't I be normal and follow the family values. I just don't want to be me!!!

 

Note: the views of my family are not my views

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,212
Registered: ‎28-05-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

Omg @Bree-RO I've been reading through some resources from the Minus18 website and now I'm crying because they're so nice and accepting and validating. Tysm for linking it for me Heart Heart Heart

 

Hey @loves netball, thanks for sharing all of that with us! It must have taken some courage to talk about this stuff Smiley Happy

 

First off, just because your family believes that same sex/transgender people are wrong, or that you have to get married and have kids, doesn't mean that they're right or that you have to follow their values. This is your life and you get to do what makes you happy and identify however makes you feel comfortable. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you for not wanting to be touched or be in a relationship. If you decide that you're a gender other than female or that you're same sex attracted there is also absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. Your life, your body, your choice.

 

I also wanted to let you know that a lot of people I know online, both asexual and not, experience sex repulsion. It's okay to feel uncomfortable with people touching you, there's nothing wrong with feeling repulsed by that. For me, I'm pretty sure that I'm bi, but it fluctuates and I do go through periods where the idea of being touched sexually makes me feel frightened and disgusted. I can have a look for some resources on sex repulsion if you'd be interested? 

 

This stuff can be sooo hard to figure out. It takes time and that's okay. You don't have to know everything all at once. You have heaps of time to figure out who you are and how you're comfortable identifying. I've read stories about people who didn't discover they were lesbian until their forties, or didn't realise they were asexual until they were 80, or didn't start transitioning until they were 68. 

 

I'm really sorry that this is getting you down Smiley Sad It's tough stuff to work through. Remember that you're safe to chat about this stuff on RO and that it sounds like many of us are going through similar journeys of figuring out our sexualities and genders! You're not alone. Heart Be kind to yourself! I've never seen you say to anyone else that there's something wrong without them for not wanting to meet a nice guy, settle down and get married, so please extend that same kindness and gentleness to yourself. Heart

Mod Squad
Posts: 1,210
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

@loves netball ohh that's a lot to think over.. Did you tell your case manager about the thought of someone touching you etc?

That's always hard when the family values don't align with some of the feelings you may personally have about sexuality.. There's a few resources that could help you though Smiley Happy Such as Y Gender [click] for exploring the concept of gender diversity (it's also youth led).. As well as The Gender Centre.

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,818
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

[ Edited ]

@Bree-RO sometime last year I had a whole conversation with my case manager able sex/relationship values - I told her what my family values were. She wanted to know if I was sexually active and thinks I go against my family. And the other week she again wanted to know if I'm sexually active to do with something health related. 

Nope never told her about the touching stuff. She should have realised there's something wrong with how I view myself based on where I SH. No face to face support ever cared when I tried to tell them about the stuff that happened at school or at uni placement. I got told from KHL that both were sexual assault and sexual harassment respectively. 

What if I did end up going against the family values; they'd hate me. 

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,818
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

Oh now I'm upset, why did I try to talk about this. I'm going to bed to SH or worse and I'm skipping my case manager appointment tomorrow - that will make it two weeks in a row that I've not turned up

Mod Squad
Posts: 1,210
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

@loves netball gonna flick you an email Smiley Happy

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,818
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: Gender confusion/dysphoria - how do other people deal?

So ummm I didn't really bring this up with my case manager.... but after she asked me questions about whether I'm opposite or same sex attracted and answered no to both; she now knows I'm possibly asexual.....

I was scared to go into details about sexual harrassment from 2 years ago, because it would be easier to go through the whole bullying stuff (which I mentioned yesterday in the bullying thread) at once because they're related.

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