25-01-2017 11:15 AM
Thanks @loves netball, I was safe last night and I'm feeling a bit calmer this morning.
Good. You deserve people being nice to you
I'm sorry about the SH/plan But big ted and running are awesome strategies, and it's fantastic that you were able to chat to someone at SCBS about this stuff!! That must have been hard, well done. That's great that you can still report it if you want to, and writing it down to read to your case manager sounds like a good plan. What have you got on for today?
10-02-2017 01:17 PM
I know this thread is from a while ago, but the last few days I've been finding a bit more clarity about this stuff. This might be a bit random, just trying to sort my thoughts out lol.
The other night I watched this movie called The Danish Girl, it's about a trans woman in the 1920s called Lili. There was a lot of controversy and problematic stuff etc with the movie, but it was still really good imo. At one point Lili says "This isn't my body, Doctor. Please take it away." That may or may not have been when I started crying
Yesterday my counsellor brought up the topic because of a story I'd written to show her and I got to talk more about gender stuff, because she's awesome and very accepting She helped talk me through stuff that happened when I was in hospital, mostly hurtful stuff that my psychologist there said to me. And we talked more about how sometimes I feel masculine-ish but not male.
And right now I'm thinking that androgyne might be the best way to describe myself? Because I'm kind of...a boy AND a girl but also something different to boy or girl? Like how purple is purple but it's also red + blue.
Also trying to buy men's clothes when you have a traditionally feminine body shape is so hard!!!
10-02-2017 01:38 PM
I was talking to another patient how I'm not female and stuff and they said maybe it's a result of the trauma I had as a kid.
I got me thinking, Like do I hate being female because of what happened and I don't want anything like that happening again. Kinda confused right now.
And I don't feel up to talking to anyone else about this. It's been hard enough just letting certain people know I don't identify as my sex and that my gender changes.
10-02-2017 01:44 PM
It's a hard subject to think about hey @redhead I think it's really brave of you to start coming out to certain people about how your gender changes and you're not your sex assigned at birth.
I can see that having experienced trauma would make things that much more complicated. I don't really have any advice as to figuring it out, sorry, but I just think you should remember that whether your gender has been influenced by trauma or not, it's still valid and it's still your gender. And you have a right to identify and express yourself in any way that feels most comfortable.
10-02-2017 01:47 PM
hey @redhead, that's totally okay.
Sounds like your interaction with that other patient was quite significant for you. It's really brave of you to start talking about your changing gender and confusion.
Are there certain situations where you feel more (or less) confused? Maybe identifying those will help you identify a pattern in the way you're feeling, or people/places/activities that make it easier?
10-02-2017 01:50 PM
So glad you've found some clarity @DruidChild! I'm also really happy that your counsellor seems so helpful and understanding!
I really like the metaphor of purple also being red + blue. An excellent description!
If there's anything we can do to help you sort this out, we're all here to read/listen!
10-02-2017 09:42 PM