26-02-2017 09:56 PM
As much as I want to go home I'm scared, the suicidal thoughts that weren't around last week are back. I know I have to focus on my goals and future but it's hard when you don't have ground under you to stand on and you can't climb to reach those goals so you just keep falling.
And I can't help but think why did I call the hospital yesterday on leave, why didn't I just try to die again, like it's what I want so why is suicidal actions given second place over getting help. It's stupid.
26-02-2017 10:27 PM
@redhead I'm really sorry to hear about how you've been struggling. Thanks for sharing with us. I just want reiterate how brave and strong you are and I really hope you are able to see this too. I can understand your concern about your day leave tomorrow. Talking to someone you trust at the hopsital about this would be good (and important!) - you could work on a plan to keep you safe. Can you do this?
It's totally okay to need support - as much and as many times you need it. That's your total right and it does not mean you are not on the path to recovery.
A very strong and resilient part of you wants to live and that's the reason you continue to ask for help. I am so very proud of you. Please stay strong and get the help you need and 100% deserve.
I am going to be logging off shortly but I hope you can manage to get some rest tonight. Please take care of yourself. We want you to be safe and see you thrive.
27-02-2017 04:18 PM
@redhead well done for talking to your case manager! How did that go?
Good news that you're being discharged Wednesday! The community at RO will be here to support you every step of the way!
My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
27-02-2017 07:15 PM
As much as I'm happy to be going home there is still a certain thought regarding home that I can't get out of my head. I promised myself I would finally die when I get discharged. I don't want to but I feel like I have to. It's stupid. I'm scared.
27-02-2017 08:00 PM
27-02-2017 08:35 PM
@redhead I have to agree with @Alison5 around making sure you are keeping open conversations with your case manager/medical team/doctors on any potentially harmful thoughts to you.
Can I just check around your safety - when are you going home? And are the thoughts you are talking about to try to end your life?