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Builder
Posts: 9,665
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Random thoughts

It was suggested I start a thread so here it goes.
Easter. Why.
There are so many things that get to me about it. I try to make the most of it and make it nice but at for end of the day here I am self harming.
Growing up religious was hard. I feel guilty for not believing it anymore. Like what if it was actually true and I'm here saying fuck you to god. And the fact my mum and step father are now in a cult makes it worse.
And the traditional chocolate at Easter. I have an eating disorder, no I don't want it. I'm vegan too.
And all the other food and drinks I'm forced to eat coz I was away on other side of state with friends. I've put on x kg in x days.
And because my friends are broke I had to pay for everything and now I'm broke and won't be able to organise my birthday party in 2 days.
That brings me to my birthday. Tuesday I'll be 24. I was meant to be fucking dead. I don't want to get older. I should celebrate it but I don't want to. I'm scared.
And uni . I'm failing I think. I'm so stupid. Why did I think I was capable.
And I'm sick of my useless hand. I cant move/ feel my thumb properly. I can't text, I can't play Xbox, I can't write, etc. I wish I had just died in Nov when I did it. I should have. Then none of this shit would be happening.

I'm sorry I just have so much shit going through my head I can't make sense of it.
Contributor
Posts: 1,794
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Random thoughts

ok @redhead firstly take a deep breath

 

do you want to work on things one at a time and see wha we can come up with the get you through this?

Mod
Posts: 1,766
Registered: ‎23-09-2014

Re: Random thoughts

Hey @redhead, it sounds like you're in a really overwhelming place mentally right now, especially after going through all of those stressful and potentially triggering events. @scared01's idea about working on things one at a time is a good idea - did you want to talk through things?

Builder
Posts: 9,665
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Re: Random thoughts

I don't know where to start.
Contributor
Posts: 1,794
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Random thoughts

alright sooo  @redhead

you said you were religious and now your not and you feel bad about it. just remember people are always changing. your not saying stuff you to god , your views are just changing as your growing. alot of people grow out of religion or change as they grow older and change

 

 

Builder
Posts: 9,665
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Re: Random thoughts

True, thanks
Contributor
Posts: 1,794
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Random thoughts

Whats the next thing youd like to work on?
Builder
Posts: 9,665
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Re: Random thoughts

I guess I want to deal with my birthday. I don't want to wake up tomorrow
Contributor
Posts: 1,794
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Random thoughts

Ok lets work on that then
Where do you want to start
Builder
Posts: 9,665
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Re: Random thoughts

I was meant to be dead by my birthday.

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