16-04-2017 07:00 PM
There are so many things that get to me about it. I try to make the most of it and make it nice but at for end of the day here I am self harming.
Growing up religious was hard. I feel guilty for not believing it anymore. Like what if it was actually true and I'm here saying fuck you to god. And the fact my mum and step father are now in a cult makes it worse.
And the traditional chocolate at Easter. I have an eating disorder, no I don't want it. I'm vegan too.
And all the other food and drinks I'm forced to eat coz I was away on other side of state with friends. I've put on x kg in x days.
And because my friends are broke I had to pay for everything and now I'm broke and won't be able to organise my birthday party in 2 days.
That brings me to my birthday. Tuesday I'll be 24. I was meant to be fucking dead. I don't want to get older. I should celebrate it but I don't want to. I'm scared.
And uni . I'm failing I think. I'm so stupid. Why did I think I was capable.
And I'm sick of my useless hand. I cant move/ feel my thumb properly. I can't text, I can't play Xbox, I can't write, etc. I wish I had just died in Nov when I did it. I should have. Then none of this shit would be happening.
I'm sorry I just have so much shit going through my head I can't make sense of it.
16-04-2017 08:24 PM
17-04-2017 10:25 AM
alright sooo @redhead
you said you were religious and now your not and you feel bad about it. just remember people are always changing. your not saying stuff you to god , your views are just changing as your growing. alot of people grow out of religion or change as they grow older and change