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Builder
Posts: 146
Registered: ‎20-09-2016

Things are never getting better for me...

I'm just so hurt and frustrated and I can't understand why things are always so shit for me.
I've been going through a really rough patch lately. I'm technically homeless, I'm broke, I'm working 40+ hours a week, studying 30ish hours, I don't have a car, I have no friends, I'm trying to move on from an abusive relationship but his family keep hassling me. Everything is just so overwhelming at the moment. I can feel myself going in to meltdown mode, I don't want to make another attempt (it's been almost 18 months) but I feel like that's where this is going.
So I finally reached out for help and went to see my doctor, who did an assessment then was really worried about me (he was worried anyway). We discussed me taking a couple of weeks off of work to deal with all the other stuff going on in my life (moving next week, intensive school at my uni, getting my ex's family out of my life etc)

So I took my letter in to work.

Now I basically feel like a piece of shit on someone's shoe. Apparently because I let my ex back in so many times, it's my own fault things have turned out this way. No one has any sympathy for me because I let myself be walked all over. I was told I should give up my full time role because if I don't I might not have a job to come back to at all. Like, I know my performance has been severely lacking lately but I'm doing my best. That's why I need the break. That manager has been preaching all week about how our company cares for each and every one of its staff and the assistant and store manager want to be there for us... and that's the response she had to me... I feel like the biggest piece of shit right now. Like I should have just sucked it up. Like I should just resign to save her the trouble of firing me.
Builder
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎25-08-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

@dustb0wldance that sounds very overwhelming, that's a lot to be dealing with at once. Unfortunately rough patches just.... happen. No matter anyone's situation, there's little we can do to avoid it. 

 

First off, you do NOT deserve to be abused or walked over. It's is not your duty to stop someone from treating you wrong. It is on the other person to be nice and treat you nicely. Leaving an abusive situation is so difficult, and the fact that you've gone back to your ex many times shows that you have had the strength and confidence to leave them at some point. It is never, ever going to be your fault. 

 

As for your manager and work, that... really sucks. Mental health sensitivity and training is getting more popular as a WHS thing but unfortunately some people don't really believe that burnout ad whatnot are a thing. And it certainly sounds like you're burnt out. It's so good, and I'm so proud of you, for going to a doctor and taking some time off. Putting yourself first can sometimes feel wrong and selfish, but ultimately, you cant work if you're not healthy in body, so why should it be different for your mind?  Is there someone else in the company you might be able to talk to about this - often bigger companies will have HR departments and you can talk to them about it. They should have a bit more psychoeducation than your manager and might sympathise with your situation a bit more. 

 

Regardless, you have down a good job trying to fix your situation and stay as healthy as you can. That's something you can definitely be proud of Heart Heart

Mod
Posts: 1,251
Registered: ‎04-10-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

@dustb0wldance it sucks that your work was so unhelpful when you took the letter in. Please know that what happened to you was NOT your fault in any way. Sounds like your work has just made a tough situation even tougher. Would you be okay with working part time instead of full time, rather than resigning?

 

Sending you heaps of support right now! Heart

My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
Builder
Posts: 146
Registered: ‎20-09-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

Thanks guys. I'm feeling even more crap today. I spoke to my manager about what happened with the assistant manager and basically she agrees with the AM about a lot of things but said "she will talk to her". But I was also made to feel like my job is in jeopardy if I go to this uni thing next week. If I don't go I fail the unit and I'm still financially liable for it.
Can't really work part time because money. Like I'm already struggling as it it. I have $50 to my name and like $1000 of things I need to have paid by the end of the weekend so I'm totally screwed as it is.
Feeling a lot like I've ruined my own like and I'm never getting anywhere. Even thought reframing exercises haven't helped because they just show that I'm right.

My doctor is on his flight back to Sydney (he only works here 1.5 days) and my caseworker is on leave and I can't even get through to uni student support, I've tried calling and emailing but nothing.
Builder
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎25-08-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

heck, that sounds like a lot and like your usual support system is kind of all over the place at the moment. have you tried calling other services like beyondblue?

Mod
Posts: 293
Registered: ‎19-09-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

Hey @dustb0wldance, It sounds like you have alot going on at the moment especially with work, uni and dealing with your ex partners family. It is great you are working with a doctor and your case worker.

Is your work a larger corporation? Are you able to talk to a HR manager about the situation at work? It seems you are having a lot of financial pressure at the moment, have you ever thought of talking to a financial counselor? You can find a free financial counselor here or call 1800 007 007 to talk on the phone.
If you wanted to talk to a professional you can find support on Kids Helpline webchat which you can find here or give them a call on 1800 55 1800. You could also try Headspace which you can find here.

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Builder
Posts: 146
Registered: ‎20-09-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

Hey @ivory and @SmileMonkey, thanks for your suggestions Smiley Happy I haven't reached out to anyone different this time, but have previously used eheadspace and seen a financial counsellor too. I'm doing all the right things, it's just so hard to manage Smiley Sad
My work is reasonably big, we have around 160 locations. I'm not sure that we have HR - I assume we would but have never asked. Maybe I'll see what I can find out one day.
Builder
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎25-08-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

i think it would be good to look into. they might also have psychological services who might be able to help you out too ^^

Mod
Posts: 1,251
Registered: ‎04-10-2016

Re: Things are never getting better for me...

Hey @dustb0wldance, how are you doing today? Hope you were able to find out some info about HR at your work. Smiley Happy

My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe

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