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Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,092
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

hi guys
 
so ive really been struggling with my mental illness (i  have 4) and ive recently disclosed another event as well. ive been told i should jsut get over it and just dont worry about it and im finding it really hard to 'just get over' im just wondering what others opinions are... do you think im just complaining?
ive also just discovered that i have a few physical health issues to deal with such as scoliosis, glasses, and a few of my main ligaments have been torn and have never been fully corrected as i never got a boot or anything to support it so now im stuck having a few torn ligamanents that will probably never heal so the pain that i feel will be constant unfortunately.
so i was just trying to have a conversation in general about my injury and treatment etc and she just rolled her eyes at me and said that i complain to much.. this is kinda the first times heard about it as i try not to complain about anything even when im struggling the most. even in my full panic state she usually jsut ignores me and then gets the craps at me...
do you think im complaining?

Mod Squad
Posts: 1,454
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

Hey @scared01 

Straight off the bat before I get stuck in.. Is this sense of feeling like you're complaining all stemming from this conversation with this person?

 

 

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,092
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

Yes but its also my mother ; (
Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,092
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 47
Registered: ‎18-02-2017

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

Hi @scared01,

 

It sounds like you are not complaining too much. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot on your plate right now and struggling with issues that would cause anyone a lot of suffering. Expressing your pain is not 'complaining', and regardless complaining is not always a bad thing. You don't always have to grin and bear all the pain you're experiencing; complaining is sometimes warranted.

 

What is the relationship with your mother like? Does she usually do things like roll her eyes when you speak to her? If you were trying to have a convo about your treatment and managing your condition it does not sound like complaining but a very important discussion about your physical and mental wellbeing. 

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,092
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

hi @DirtWitch

 

yeah im finding i have so many things going on its hard to keep up with every thing... besides the physical and mental health issues im also a full time carer and a primary carer for my sisters. i just keep getting things thrown at me and diagnoses after diagnoses.

i dont have the best relationship with my mother but im glad my sisters do.

she doesnt like me doing things that take me away from family or home, or home responsibilities but if i stay at home i get yelled at for being home too much so i get in trouble eithr way.

ive tried talking to her about some of the health issues and she says i complain to much and rolls her eyes or has a attitude when she speaks to me  and i tried talking to her about my mental health and she just rolls her and grumbles at me and snaps at me and tells me to get over it.

 

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 47
Registered: ‎18-02-2017

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

Hey @scared01,

 

It does not seem like the relationship between you and your mother is a good one. It seems like she is always blaming you for things even though you have your own issues AND are caring for your sisters. Instead of listening to your health issues and offering help, she is instead dismissing your legitimate concerns and needs and invalidating your feelings.

 

Are you receiving any support from anywhere else? e.g. friends or other families. There are also nonprofits that offer resources for young carers and disabled people. 

 

Have you ever checked out the raisedbynarcissists subreddit on Reddit? I don't know if your mother is a narcissist but the subreddit is in general a good community for survivors of abuse to post for advice and reassurance. It might be reading some stories there.

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,092
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

@DirtWitch

no shes not a narcassit, she only treats me like this which if it takes it away from my sisters then i dont mind.

 

the only support is my psychologist, gp, and psychiatrist and all the helath professionals that i see for all my issues but they arent trained

Mod
Posts: 1,722
Registered: ‎23-09-2014

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

Hey @scared01

 

LIke @DirtWitch mentioned, it does seem like you're juggling a lot of responsibility while also looking after your own physical and mental health needs, and you deserve the space and time to be able to talk about it. I am sorry that your mother isn't the best person to support you, and it must be tough dealing with her criticism on top of looking after your sisters.

 

It might be a good idea to talk to the professionals you already see about getting you linked up with services for carers such as yourself, if they aren't already trained to help you in that way. There is also the Young Carers website from Carers Australia, which has its own phone line and could also help you out with finding support services

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 47
Registered: ‎18-02-2017

Re: am i complaining too much? should i toughen up or just get over it?

@scared01 Narcissists will often have a scapegoat that they treat badly and golden child whom they treat very well, so it's possible your mother coud be one even if she limits her bad treatment to you. However, even if she is not I suggested the reddit as in general it offers a lot of good support and information for people in abusive situations.

 

Like @safari93 mentioned it is a good idea to reach out for support. When I spoke to a psychologist they were able to assign me a caseworker. A caseworker will coordinate different services for you so you can receive help from all the relevant professionals. 

 

If you feel like the health professionals you are seeing are not helping, you can always switch to different ones also. There are organisations such as Headspace that specialise in getting young people quality mental health care. Also, if you have any more problems you should feel free to post in the forums too!

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