14-03-2017 06:20 PM
Are you okay? If you need to go to the hospital please call 000. In regards to your Pop, I don't know if you aware of the Commonwealth Home Support Service, but you can find information about it here. You might be able to get some homecare assistance for your Pop which might take some of the pressure off of you.
Is there anything in particular that makes you nervous about using a phone line? Is the anxiety of talking to someone without being able to see their face or body language?
14-03-2017 06:23 PM
i didnt end up in hospital yesterday but im still struggling very much today. ive crashed through the floor again and cant bring myself back up. im such a dissapointment. i dont even know where to begin
how can i be such a dissapointment at 20
i get told to jsut get over it, stop complaining, you whinge alot, you complain alot which i never speak of anything wrong with me unless they genuinely need to no.
nothing is good atm. my mum and my sisters hate me which hurts the most, i can never do righ by them on any account. nothing i do is ever ggo enough.
my mum hates me and i can never please her.
i have no friends and the last ones that i did have they just pushed me away and said ring someone else.
14-03-2017 06:40 PM
Welcome to RO @scared01 :-)
Sorry to hear you've been struggling today. Do you have any fun/relaxing activities that normally work for you on a bad day?
14-03-2017 06:53 PM
Hey @scared01, do you feel like you're always being critiqued? Let me know.. sounds like a full on time at the moment but I can tell just by your wonderful ability to write and communicate that you're an insightful person with a lot ahead of you in this life
In terms of friends, how are you feeling around that? Did they say anything before they pushed you away?
14-03-2017 07:38 PM
im still struggling, its a constant struggle and im really over it.
no im usually too flat out to do anything or im being critisiced all the time so it makes me not want to do anything
14-03-2017 07:45 PM
hi @Bree-RO yes i do. all the time and im sure im not just imagining it.
its killing me.
when i try to do something it never seems good enough or i didnt do it right or i didnt do it fast enough.
most of the time if i dont get up and do it straight away or if its not done by the time the kids and mum are home im the worst person in the world. i try. i really do. i dont really know what more i can do to please them.
i take them bike riding, scootering, teaching them to read, take them shopping, see their horses, make sure the house is clean when they get home from school, help with homework, take them to school and pick them up. i like to take them out and get ice-creams 1-2 times a week after school before they come home and start doing homework etc.
i had my xrays in the car today and i just asked my sister if she could run them inside while i strapped the youngest into the car seat and she growled at me and said god you complain alot.
or they say im never home, i never do anything for them, they hate me
and my mother thinks im just complaining, and i guess im not good enough for anything and i guess who am i to question that anymore.
im not worthy of it so i dont see much point of it and yet they dont realised half the thigns i leave out because they dont care such as my ptsd- they told me to jsut get over it, they dont know about the sexual abuse and im not telling them either.
and today when i was getting yelled at for going out i was going to get tests results to see if i was going to need surgury for my foot, how much damage was done and what we can do to help fix it. two of my main ligamaments are badly torn and a main tendon has a minor tear and they think i have nerve damage but nope im complaining too much and i should jsut get over it and i do too mcuh for myself
14-03-2017 08:19 PM
@scared01 ouch ligaments! How intensely painful - how is your recovery time for that?
After reading that I am just wondering, do you think it's possible that your Mum and your Sister just have really high expectations of you? See the thing is we're completely shaped by those who raise us, that's the foundation for our identity. Until we're stopped in our tracks and realise that we are actually exceptional, and our value isn't based on other people's opinions of us.
Do you think maybe you could figure out a way to love and respect yourself, even though you feel like at times your family doesn't? Let me know your thoughts...
14-03-2017 08:34 PM
im not sure on recovery time yet. its an old injury that hung around for 2 years now and still isnt healed and wasnt dealt with properly to begin with (gps fault- they coudlnt care less about itand just sent me off)
so ive recently gone to a podiatrist and discovered i have these injuries still and very very very likeley nerve damage.
at the moment surgery isnt an option. so atm i go every week to sort out orthopedics and have to get massages to see if it relieves some tension.
my mother and sisterZ all have high expectations. ive seen so many things and experienced so many things in life that ive become an over protective sister so it guess its my fault they expect it. and i was caring for my nan during my Hsc years and then she passed away last year and now im still continung care for my pop but if i dont do it i know for a fact know one else will but its not the job itself. i quite like caring it jsut that i have no support around me and it jsut makes things harder.
i hate myself @Bree-RO i struggle every single day and ive been at the point where ive had to call suicide line a few times and am currently in a suicide prevention program and a suicide couslennor on the phone weekly and on call 24/7 as well. i know it sound like i have support but i hate calling the helpline all th time it makes me feel even more worthless
14-03-2017 08:44 PM
@scared01 thanks for sharing that , sorry to just zone in on one question - but what about the helplines makes you feel more worthless?
14-03-2017 08:48 PM
yes they do.
ive contacted a few before and have often been told to just make a happy list to implement when im feeling down. that doesnt really help me in the moment
and the other reason is that im ebarrassed and ashamed that i cant control it and have to keep relying on these people to help me. im sure they are all sick of me by now