11-03-2017 09:01 PM
ok so i never knew my father at all. im not fussed on meeting him either.
my mother actually is freinds on FB with him. yesterday i said to her can you please get in contact with him and ask if i can msg him as id like to ask about medical conditions in his genetics.
ive been warned that i may have a few other medical conditions within the next few years. i asked my nan and my pop what genetics run in the family and only one of them that i could very possibly get runs on our side so i started thinking maybe its runs on my fathers side. so i asked if my mum could contact him and ask whether i could contact him and she said no, so iasked if she could contact him for me and she again said no . i said why not, i only want the medical history and ill be lucky to get the information out of him? and she just said. (angry tone) just stop worrying about it!!!
i said these conditions can be serious and i want to know if its something in my genes or whther theres something else going on in my body..
and she said ( angry tone and glaring at me) stoping whinging and just get over it.
shes always said to me that if i wanted to get in contact with him she would allow me to, if i wanted to talk about him she would and ive asked a few things about him before and she answered them for me. i understand that its probably hard for her to talk about her ex but i said that i would do it. i would do just as everyone was telling me to do -grow up- so i said i would contact him can i just have his fb details (doesnt go under the name i know) and ill ask him myself.
im not really sure sure what to do.... i dont have the best relationship with my mum so i need a 'spare' or a few spare forums mums lol. im lost and really dont know what to do about it? or do i just leave it and not worry about it?
12-03-2017 09:40 AM
Hey @scared01 that's really full on, well done on approaching the subject with your Mum And of course you have every right to get some further medical details. Did you manage to get his name from her in the end? Could you just follow up on your own without bringing it up with her if it's distressing you both a bit?
I am currently not a parent so can't offer a parent's perspective, but beyondblue's forum has a broad age range you could pose the question there for a forum mum? Do you have a family friend who you could confide in?
12-03-2017 12:35 PM
I havent managed to get it yet. Just trying to think of another way to approach it for the moment.
I dont mind if your not a mum neither am i
Any opinion is good
12-03-2017 01:22 PM
@scared01 mmm I hear you Mums can be tricky hey. I don't see mine anymore, but we used to always get into difficult confrontations kind of like your own. I find it really helpful to approach Mums with a clear outcome of the information you want in your head Is there anyone that both you and your Mum trust that you could approach to act as a bit of a mediator?
I don't think this journey will be easy, but one that definitely is important to you so I am glad you're pushing through and seeking the answers you deserve about your medical history. @DruidChild & @SmileMonkey you guys have any ideas ?
12-03-2017 03:01 PM
If i get a mediator she will prob just yell at me anyway and say why didnt i ask myself 😒😒😒
I only want one question answered. Just one. I dont really think its too much to ask ....
12-03-2017 04:58 PM
That's a bit tricky @scared01... Is there anyone else besides your mum who knows your dad and could ask him for you?
My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
12-03-2017 08:51 PM
hes completely out of the picture. im just trying to think of another way to approach it. if i get someone to ask for me then ill probably get in more troube again
13-03-2017 12:45 PM
Hey @scared01 gosh this is a tricky one! First up though, good on you for thinking about this and wanting to know more about your health. I'm sorry your mum isn't being at all understanding about this, it's an important issue!
Perhaps another angle to approach this from is to talk to a genetic counsellor about it. You can read a little bit more about them and what they do here. They can often help you figure out your genetics without contacting anyone, and they can help you contact someone through the healthy system too without having to have any contact with your dad. How would you feel about having a chat to one?
14-03-2017 07:49 PM
15-03-2017 04:11 PM
Glad to hear it @scared01 and remember if you need a bit of support around those answers, a genetic counsellor can help with that too, if you need it