Reply
Mod
Posts: 1,027
Registered: ‎09-08-2012

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

What are some things you have done/can do to try to love yourself more when you're loathing yourself?

 

 

There was a time a few years back where I started writing down every compliment and good thing anyone said to me, so that I could return to it later and look over these things. I stopped doing that so quickly that I have no idea if it would have made a difference Smiley Tongue

But similar to this, I think it's important to hear the compliments people give. And then to let them be there. Just take them rather than saying no or being modest about them. 

 

Right now I'm focusing on trying to simply focus on acheivable wants and goals for myself. For example I'm finally aiming for health rather than thinness, and decided that I should aim for a distinction average at uni rather than feeling like a HD is the benchmark for being a worthy person. 

Mod
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎24-10-2015

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

Love those stickers @safari93 at the moment mine is like "you went to the dentist and didn't freak out WELL DONE"

Super star contributor
Posts: 2,818
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@Stealth_ninja As a kid I got told I ran funny. I didn't start running to be good at it, just to be fit, so it was just a bonus. It's not for everyone running. I actually need advice - do I register for a 15km run this month? I'm all stressed out because I won't run the time I did last year, but then I think that shouldn't mean I don't run...

Builder
Posts: 111
Registered: ‎24-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

I'm back on a study break!! Smiley Happy

 

Why do you think it's easier to crticise ourselves but not love ourselves?

I think society plays a huge factor in this, at least for me. I always want to be able to please everyone, I want to follow society's beauty standards, etc. And when I do that, all I find myself doing is criticising myself.

 

What are some things you have done/can do to try to love yourself more when you're loathing yourself?

I was going to say the same thing as @Alison5, which I think is a good segue into the next question if I remember correctly! It's hard to do, and definitely something I need to work on, but trying to look at it from an outsider's perspective and thinking, "What would my friends say to me about this?" I often find this allows me to play Devil's Advocate and most of the time I'm rebutting a lot of my actual thoughts which much nicer ones Smiley Happy

-------------------------
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” - Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Mod
Posts: 1,788
Registered: ‎23-09-2014

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@Randomness self-care is really important too! I think it's also important to remember to practice it as part of your routine. It's easy to forget about self-care until you're falling apart, but it's like eating and sleeping - caring for yourself in other ways is important for your mental and physical health

Mod
Posts: 570
Registered: ‎23-08-2014

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@Birdeye I did that for a while and it was definitely nice to look back on all the encouraging comments people had said to me and give myself some important reminders. 

 

And yes, speaking as another guilty soul, grades and thinness do not define your worth! 

Mod
Posts: 1,027
Registered: ‎09-08-2012

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@loves netball If you think that you're going to enjoy running the 15km and that it'll make you happy then you should do it. I'm not even sure that I could run a few hundred metres, so maybe try to focus on how great it is that you can run that much rather than how long it takes you to run that much. Focus on the great positive thing about you rather than on the thing that you can find a way to beat yourself up about
Mod
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎24-10-2015

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

Omg @Birdeye that resonates with me so much!! Like trying to taking the pressure off myself because I am seriously my harshest critic. It's okay if I only get a distinction or credit average as long as I did my best in the moment. I'm getting better at telling myself that stuff and adjusting my priorities to be more loving and less crtiical. Definitely going for health as well!!

 

@loves netball It's great that you run and if you really enjoy it then do it! Don't worry about what you did last year, do the best you absolutely can on the day. The conditions could be different, you could feel different, you just don't know what could be influencing you. Earlier this year I did this 2.5 hour dance recital and I was rehearsing like crazy leading up to it and everyday it would be different and I would stress about how well I did but at the end of the day I did my best, and it's enough. Your best is enough too!

Mod
Posts: 988
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

[ Edited ]

@Stealth_ninja so true - because our society is so individualistic we are taught that our worth comes from our success, our money, our career, our grades, our physical abilities, our appearance, a partner, etc. So naturally when we don't have these things we may feel like we are not worthy.

BUT the truth is no amount of success will lead to us suddenly feeling completely happy.

For me I believe contentness in life will come from a combination of both:

  • Self-love and being happy with ourselves the way we are and in the position that we are in regardless of how "successful" we are in the typical sense
  • Feeling somewhat fulfilled in our relationships and contribution to society (being employed and having positive social contact with others)
Builder
Posts: 111
Registered: ‎24-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@loves netball what makes you stressed out about running it? Is it just because you're worried you will take a longer time than last year? I get that feeling too, especially after I injured my leg while running. I get scared that I won't be able to do it as well as I did before. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't at least try. Isn't it better to do it, even if it was worse than last year, rather than say "I didn't do it because I was too afraid"? I think you should go for it and not be too harsh on yourself. A lot of people cannot run 15km Smiley Happy
-------------------------
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” - Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Top High Fived Authors
User High Fives Count
34
17
17
14
11