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Mod
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎24-10-2015

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

Why do you think it's easier to crticise ourselves but not love ourselves?

 

I think sometimes it's easier to believe the criticism? Its also hard with the expectations put on us that @loves netball was talking about, we definitely live in a world that is already quick to criticise so I think we learn to do it at a young age and when you're critical of others, or they are of you, you definitely build beliefs about yourself that aren't always positive or healthy.

Mod
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Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@Birdeye there's a whole term for it as well: Tall Poppy Syndrome. It's basically derived from some saying about the tallest poppies getting cut down? But it refers to a culture where anyone who celebrates themselves is dismissed.

 

How do you think we might work against this kind of thinking? Do you think it is changing?

Mod
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Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

[ Edited ]

@loves netball You're making very good points and certainly have nothing to feel bad about in regards to clarity. You're completely understandable Smiley Happy

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Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

I think we always want more in life, eg more money, the best of everything and we get caught out when we don't get this. So we criticise ourselves, instead of being content with what we do have, and just being greatful for who we are. Acceptance with ourselves is important

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Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@loves netball such an important point, especially considering that self-acceptance is also important in self-love

Mod
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Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

Some great points everyone is making! Smiley Happy

Why do you think it's easier to criticise ourselves but not love ourselves?

I think about this a lot because it seems bizarre that we would be inclined to think negatively towards ourselves. I think from an evolutionary perspective it must be something to do with constantly striving to improve ourselves to improve our chances of survival/reproducing.

I also think people who have a tendency to be perfectionists and anxious (me!) have more negative self talk than people who are generally more relaxed in life.

@Stealth_ninja I definitely agree - from a young age I think many of us internalise the idea that we should be modest, shouldn't be overly proud of our achievements and should do anything to avoid seeming full of ourselves which translates into negative self-talk and less self-love!
Mod
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Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@safari93 That's right! I completely forgot the term. When I was growing up I remember being introduced to it by adults who were very proud that we as a nation did this.
I would like to think that younger generations and movements are changing this, but there is certainly a push back of people who still for some reason think it's a good thing.

Perhaps we have to accept that some people are going to be lost to the syndrome and that it's not worth fighting with them about it, rather we need to figure out why it's wrong for ourselves and then work on focusing on why we should celebrate ourselves. Then we start introducing the merits and rightness of celebrating the good to people. Celebrate people when others won't and build other people up.
Mod
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Registered: ‎24-10-2015

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

Learning so much from all of you but now lets talk about some practical things we can do!

 

 

What are some things you have done/can do to try to love yourself more when you're loathing yourself?

Mod
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎24-10-2015

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

@May_ @Birdeye I think theres also this sense of competition, from a really young age and so you kind of feel like unless youre winning all the time or collecting accolades or prizes or getting high marks then you aren't worthy. But real happiness doesn't come from those things, I wish someone taught me that at school!

Mod
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Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Learning to love yourself when you loathe yourself

What are some things you have done/can do to try to love yourself more when you're loathing yourself?

I have tried to write some "mantras" or positive self-talk things that I need to say to myself however I am yet to read them regularly. My ideal is to have a really good mantra type thing and read it to myself in the morning and at night.
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