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Builder
Posts: 43
Registered: ‎28-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

I'd say extremely difficult, because no one is a mind reader and not everyone vocalises what they want in a relationships, let alone what they want out of it. So it can be tough
Builder
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Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

How difficult can it be to know what you and the person you date want out of the relationship?

I think this is probably one of those instances where you have a potentially awkward potentially uncomfortable conversation about it with the other person. But I'm not sure.

Community Manager
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Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

How difficult can it be to know what you and the person you date want out of the relationship?

 

Great question! 

 

I think the answer is that it can be very difficult, especially because I think a lot of people feel really awkward about saying what they want out of a relationship. Either you're worried the other person might not be as into you as you are them, or you might not be as into them as you think they are or something else. And for some reason I think we get a bit scared of just coming out and letting the person know where you're at.

Mod
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Registered: ‎24-10-2015

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

Sorry i disappeared for a little while everyone! Definitely all about communication but also maybe being honest with yourself about what you want and accepting that might be different to what the other person wants? Which often super sucks, especially if they dont feel the same way

Mod
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Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

@Ben-RO, to be fair, I don't think any dating system has ever worked that well.

 

For instance, making awkward conversation with strangers at a bar doesn't seem like much of an improvement over say Tinder, (apart from not draining your phone batteries). After all, people only hit on people they find interesting, and when you're dating strangers, all you have to go off are their physical features. The first few bits of conversation, e.g. "Can I buy you a drink?" "Yes/No" etc. are basically just analogue versions of swiping left/right. So I'd say that Tinder (and the apps like it) just allow people to do what they've always been doing - just on a larger scale.

 

And for people who don't look for dates in bars and prefer to stick to people that they know - well, that's basically what the second category of apps where you fill in a tonne of details is for, right? It's the same idea in principle, you just get to skip the first three months of ferociously stalking your crush, because they've just put all the details right there for you to see. (Although I suppose you could argue that those three months of facebook-stalking/gossip-whispering are part of what makes the experience special because you get drip-fed details instead of getting them all in a flood at once.)

 

 

There's blind dates and arranged marriages as well I suppose (particularly depending on culture), but those are really just a lottery and I don't think the internet has changed either of them much.

Mod
Posts: 167
Registered: ‎17-10-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

How difficult can it be to know what you and the person you date want out of the relationship?

I think communication would be important, like asking about and expressing what you both want so that things are clear.. but doing this can be difficult and might feel awkward.. like when's the best time to bring it up? Will asking about it make the other person feel uncomfortable? Maybe it's just finding the right time to talk about it - not too soon but not sort of dragging things out before talking about it? I'm not sure

 

But with online apps and stuff, it sounds like it would be hard to tell the other person's intentions from their profile alone... but maybe it would be easier to ask about intentions since it's online

Builder
Posts: 111
Registered: ‎24-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

Great answers everyone!

@roseisnotaplant @Stealth_ninja you make good points! I totally agree that communication is the key, and even though it might feel awkward, it's best to always have "THAT CONVERSATION" about what you two are (are you dating?, do I tell people we are dating?, am I wrong to assume you are not dating anyone else?, do I call you my girlfriend/boyfriend?)
-------------------------
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” - Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Builder
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Registered: ‎01-09-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

That's a cool way of looking at it @Asche. It's definitely interesting to draw parallels between online dating and more traditional means of dating.

Builder
Posts: 43
Registered: ‎28-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

sorry guys, I've gotta call it a night. I have work really early tomorrow morning. It was nice chatting with all of you!
Mod
Posts: 167
Registered: ‎17-10-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

cya @nc_reachout13! thanks for your insights Smiley Happy

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