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Mod
Posts: 12,847
Registered: ‎08-04-2013

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

Sorry I dropped off for awhile, I was eating Smiley Tongue
Community Manager
Posts: 4,977
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

I absoultely agree @Chloee! It's definitely a problem a lot of guys have! I don't think it's okay for a guy to avoid that kind of discussion though. Us guys should try a little harder :/

Builder
Posts: 111
Registered: ‎24-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

@Ben-RO It would make things a lot easier for us girls! Smiley Tongue

Okay, I am getting super sleepy now, so let's go to our last question.

With the difficulties in understanding what others want out of the relationship, it might be hard to know where to draw the line.

 

Sometimes the person you date may pressure you into doing something you do not want or are not ready for. What are some ways you can deal with this situation?

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“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” - Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Mod
Posts: 160
Registered: ‎17-10-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

[ Edited ]

@N1ghtW1ng that's really interesting... yeah it would probably be easier if both people were really open with each other about their feelings and intentions. To make things kinda more confusing, what happens if one person or both people feel aren't really sure of their feelings/intentions yet? Like the feelings might take a while to develop

 

EDIT: oh yeah, I guess waiting until the right time when both people are feeling kinda ready to talk about it. Sorry I didn't read the ending properly

Mod
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

So sad that I missed this GR I just got home - @Chloee awesome work on running everything!! Smiley Happy
Mod
Posts: 12,847
Registered: ‎08-04-2013

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

@cupcakes_32 communication is key here. If they aren't really sure of their feings, one or both, it doesn't hurt to talk about the future, but more as a casual convo but also saying that they don't know and most importantly it being OK. Sometimes it does take awhile for feelings to develop and not knowing where you want to go should be (is it already?) okay.
Builder
Posts: 111
Registered: ‎24-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

@cupcakes_032 I think that can come naturally, and if someone asks you how you feel about them, I think it's okay to think about it for a while and wait to respond to them! It's definitely better than immediately answering and giving the wrong response!

This also happens when people say "I love you". I know friends who have said it first and waited for a few weeks before their partners said it back to them, and friends who were the ones who could not say it back immediately!

But I think it all jsut comes down to communicating. If you don't ask, you'll never know.
-------------------------
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” - Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Mod
Posts: 152
Registered: ‎25-08-2014

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

[ Edited ]

@Chloee, hmm...well, I can only comment on so much, since it's been a long time since I last dated (or bothered to date). Fow what it's worth though, my two cents are just that - yes, it is going to be an awkward conversation. You have to sit down and think about the future is going to look like, and that always raises a lot of uncertainty and anxiety - particularly if you really like the person. It can also be a bit confronting, because it also challenges you to think about what you want, personally, and not necessarily just what you like (or makes you feel good) - and that can be ferociously complicated all on its own.

 

The thing is, that's kind of the price you pay for a good relationship. If you want to stay together with someone, you have to take into account what each other want, and be ready to compromise*. You're not going to be able do that if you're not willing to talk about things that might not be so comfortable. Relationships take time to grow, and you reap what you sow- so it's important to be sure of what you're sowing, and to recognize that "sowing" usually means fertilizer. And fertilizer's basically just poop. (If that doesn't make sense, it's because I'm tired. And old. And this analogy is getting away from me.)

 

*: Or walk away! Most of us think of breakups as a "bad" thing because they can hurt and suck - but that doesn't meant that they can't be the right choice for us. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be, and it's preferable to let go on amicable terms instead of holding onto something until it becomes dysfunctional.

 

 EDIT: This was re: the questions @cupcakes_032 raised like, 30 minutes ago. (My brain has lag, you guys.)

Community Manager
Posts: 4,977
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

Sometimes the person you date may pressure you into doing something you do not want or are not ready for. What are some ways you can deal with this situation?

 

 

First up, no means no and it's never okay for anyone to pressure you into doing anything at all that you don't feel like doing. So I think if you are in that situation, it's important to say no very clearly. You could also say something like"  I am not okay with this stop and do not do anything else".

 

Be really really clear. I would also say get to a place where you feel safe away from the person who was pressuring you right away. If that ever does happen this is actually something thats called sexual Assault. If something like this has happened to you, it's important to get some support and talk about it. Also its definitely never your fault if something tough like this happens. 

 

 

Builder
Posts: 111
Registered: ‎24-08-2016

Re: [CHAT] Swipe right for love: modern dating conundrums

I love your insight into this discussion @Asche! Thank you for that beautiful analogy, @cupcakes_032 and you thought my imagery of sitting on the toilet and chatting someone up was bad! Smiley LOL
-------------------------
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” - Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
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