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Mod
Posts: 7,919
Registered: ‎10-08-2012

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

Yeah I tend to do that a lot @Ben-RO. Divulge little snippets of information and then see how they respond, and go from there

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Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
Mod
Posts: 563
Registered: ‎23-08-2014

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

What are some things we can do to feel a bit more comfortable with talking about this stuff if that's what we want to do?

  • Thinking in advance about what we want to say and the key points we want to get across can help us feel more confident and ready to talk.
  • If you've chosen to talk to someone, there's a reason you've chosen to talk and a reason you've chosen that person, so be confident in that. 
  • Talking can be hard and overwhelming, so have something nice planned afterwards.
  • Sometimes the people we are talking to want to fix everything or talk a lot or don't know what to do, so it can help the person you're talking to help you if you tell them what you are wanting from them and why you're telling them. 

 

Builder
Posts: 1,834
Registered: ‎01-09-2016

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

@lokifish I think an offline exit strategy would be having a reason to leave, like a ringing phone or the classic, 'Oh, is that the time?' Neither of those are particularly good examples, but I think you get what I mean?

 

Running away also works though. Eject!

 

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Community Manager
Posts: 5,342
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

Hmmm Something else i have just realised is I often feel more comfortable opening up to someone who opens up to me... it's like if they are comfortable sharing that stuff then i know we're can probably both share on that level. So maybe combining with @lokifish's strategy of sharing a little bit, you could share a bit as a way to see if they are comfortable with talking about stuff like that and then maybe share a bit more. @FootyFan26! You should read this bit of the conversation when you're online next mate! 

 

Community Manager
Posts: 5,342
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

Well if we all type really really quickly, we have time for one more question! 

 

What are some things we can learn from bad experiences?

 

Mod
Posts: 563
Registered: ‎23-08-2014

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

I like this idea of sharing little snippets and then building up to it. This is often what I do. I think that's often easier on both parties! 

 

I agree it's helpful and good to have an exit strategy. Planning in advance who you're going to tell where and when can make it easier. If you're feeling overwhelmed and like you need to get out, it's ok to end the conversation and leave if you need to, or be more subtle and change the topic of conversation to talk about something else. Also, like I said above, it's really important that you do something nice and relaxing for yourself afterwards. When I've had a tough conversation with my GP, she always asks me what I'm going to do after I leave! 

Mod
Posts: 7,919
Registered: ‎10-08-2012

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

[ Edited ]

@Ben-RO That's another good strategy Smiley Happy however I think it can sometimes backfire because you hear them open up and think "their problems are so much worse than mine, they're going to think mine are pathetic". Or maybe it's just my brain that does that

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Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
Builder
Posts: 1,834
Registered: ‎01-09-2016

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

That makes a lot of sense @Ben-RO. I think it's good to test the waters, and maybe say, 'What do you think about this thing?' Or, 'Have you had experience with this thing?' Instead of 'I'm struggling with this thing PLS HALP!' That you you can guage if they're going to be understanding or if you would be comfortable sharing more with them.

Community Manager
Posts: 5,342
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

Hmm @lokifish that's definitely not just you that does that! 

Mod
Posts: 563
Registered: ‎23-08-2014

Re: [Chat] Overcoming bad experiences.

@Ben-RO I agree someone who opens up to you makes it easier. I think it also helps with trust and building the relationship when both people feel able to open up otherwise it can be a bit one sided and draining. This obviously applies more to friendship type relationships than professionals who or treating us or someone older we are seeking wisdom from. 

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