06-02-2017 08:50 PM
To the boy who wrote his name in cursive on the art room wall,
Because I promised you cupcakes for your birthday (you never texted me again). I'm sorry.
Because I explained to you what genderqueer meant with four-in-a-row pieces and you told a joke that I made you explain.
Because your hair, shaking your head in time to the radio - trying to forget her voice on her telephone.
Somebody you won't remember
To the girl with the incredible name who I leant my coat to in the waiting room,
Silver rainbow trout, remember you, white crop top and tennis shoes. You told me to eat and I handed you a dinner plate, round and warm and white, and it shone under the fluorescent lights and you filled it with greenery and witchcraft.
Free from pharmaceuticals. I'd suspect the girl inventing flowers.
Not to cry. But you did, coming out with a puffy face and an ice pack that you didn't want to talk about.
The kid in the red coat who you hugged, just once
To the silver girl who made me feel like I wasn't alone,
- Wide eyes, hungry soul greedy
- A shopping list, in trembling black calligraphy
- I promise I will
- And I held you when Diet Mountain Dew played, except that I didn't, because you weren't there
- Everything except
- When I see flowers, in my head I always choose which ones I'd buy for you
- Your boyfriend's made of gold
Someone you don't seem to want anymore
11-02-2017 07:59 PM
Thank you @DruidChild, I really appreciate that!
11-02-2017 08:04 PM
Dear uni-induced anxiety,
You will not beat me. Sure, you're making me irritable and desperate for a bit of quiet, and I can accept that. I do. You're really annoying, and you make every task ten times more difficult than it needs to be. That being said, I am still here. I have friends and family who support me, and I can, and will, support myself.
Maybe I won't do that well at my thesis. And maybe I'll do brilliantly. I don't know. What I do know is that I'll do my best. And that is always enough.
I will play my favourite songs and talk with my favourite people, taking each assignment, each day, one step at a time. And you will not beat me.
12-02-2017 03:10 AM
How did you let me go?
I loved you so, I know I found a book I wrote to you though I was only 6 and you weren't there, all I wanted was for you to 'Put me in bed and tuck me in at night'...
Never do I remember a good time, or a laugh..
You never hugged me or said you love me..
And now I'm all grown up with a daughter of my own,
And I'm SO angry at you. How did you let me go?
You missed out, and while you've been gone, you've taught me a lesson.. I don't know if you've alive out there but I pray for you and I pray I may fully forgive you someday, wherever you are...
Not your daughter
17-04-2017 07:13 PM
You always tell me I need to be the "better person", that I need to, putting it bluntly and paraphrased, "get over it" but no. I have issues. I cannot "let it go" or "get over it". I'm sorry, I am terribly sorry that I can't get past it but I cannot. So, because apparently I just write letters to people instead of talking to them, I'm going to do it to you. Part One: Harry and Me. I hate my brother. He is selfish, rude, inconsiderate and a bunch of other adjectives that all mean "jackass". I have spent this year, last year and most of high school dealing with his arrogant ass, an ass that won't help anyone of his own accord, because he is too busy gaming to care about anyone. Too busy being "cool" for his friends to be a brother. I know that some families are shit, and being
I hate my brother. He is selfish, rude, inconsiderate and a bunch of other adjectives that all mean "jackass". I have spent this year, last year and most of high school dealing with his arrogant ass, an ass that won't help anyone of his own accord, because he is too busy gaming to care about anyone. Too busy being "cool" for his friends to be a brother. I know that some families are shit, and being family isn't a reason to do something but we aren't a bad family. He gets everything handed to him. Yes, he gets yelled out nowadays, but he stills gets everything fucking handed to him which brings me to your relationship with him. He is a mumma's boy. Maybe that was cute when we were younger but now it just screams out. He gets everything handed to him. You bring his dinner into his room because he won't come out when it's ready. That's serving him. You tell him to do things, even in high school you tell him to go to bed or you'll do this or you'll do that except, wait. You NEVER did.
I need to stop this before I lose control of everything but let me sum with what will hopefully be some short words.
You favour him. You might say you don't, but that's what it looks like. So what, you do things for me too, but don't I do things for you as well? Him, he does nothing. You let him sit on his stupid computer chatting away with his friends with no consequences for his actions. Threats? Yes. Follow-through? Hardly. Maybe that's why I hate him so much. Maybe I saw your lack of follow-through on your threats as favouritism during high school and now, all I see is a rude, selfish boy who will be able to sail through life being an ass because hey, he gets fed, internet and a home. What else does he need?
You're going away for two weeks. And I want you to, you and Dad enjoy your holiday because you both fucking deserve it. And yes, I would go stay with someone else in a heartbeat. Heck, I'd even move out. Except I can't. Because I have no friends. I have no one, bar one person and (I hope) my Swiss friends who would talk to me first. I'm always the conversation opener, always the one trying at something I'm not good at. And what do I get for my efforts? Nothing. A short conversation that I struggle to keep going because I am not a social person. I am alone, with nowhere to go (and before you think "you could move out", think about who I am, because I would need to be with someone else, mostly because I don't get paid enough to hold rent on my own and then, who would that be? How would I move in with them? What would work? You'd probably think I'd be too much of a baby to move out anyway because I hate other noises and blah blah blah but you know what? I'd rather try it out and then come home than stay here)
So that's it. I'm an emotionally unstable wreck who hates their brother. Sorry I can't "let it go" and "ignore him". Have a nice holiday, hopefully the house will still be here.
Love your middle child.
19-04-2017 04:01 PM
I don't know how much longer you plan on pretending the other night never happened, but I'm not going to forget it anytime soon. You don't just forget about the terror that arises when you're convinced your parent is about to kill you. Fuck you.
Please stop making me sick and start absorbing the iron in the food I feed you instead.
Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
I love you. I don't say t often enough, and I certainly don't always feel it, but I do. Sorry I hurt you sometimes. I will be gentle with you, even when - especially when - I don't feel great. Oh, and happy birthday for the other day.