Sometimes when I'm alone I even find myself crying a little for no apparent reason. Whatever this is, I'm pretty sure this is not what you call happiness.
I also feel immature and irresponsible. I take a lot of responsibilities like being the head of a number of projects both intra- and inter-school. I always try to cater for everyone and make sure they're happy, but as long as there's someone who isn't, I feel like I'm not cut out for that and I feel bad.
The way I'm not satisfied with my life is because I feel I'm missing out on all the things I can do in the prime of my life. I'm young, I should be running around, having fun, making memories that'll last a lifetime. Instead I'm here, studying, following a mundane routine that makes me rot inside. This isn't the way I want to spend my only young life.
That's also another point. People around me always say "prepare for your future". But I can't get it because I think in the aforementioned way. If I keep preparing for the "future", when will this future arrive? I'm average in grades and such as well.
Another thing is I'm really interested in taking graphic design for my degree. My parents aren't really with me in this decision, claiming it'll be hard to earn a living with it and should instead do it as more of a hobby. If I work that hard and rake in all that cash they mention, will I have enough time to even indulge in such hobbies? I willing to take my chances, and at least if it works out I'll maybe achieve what I can't really get now: happiness? Who knows? But it's only a chance and I'm willing to take it.
I came here to release my thoughts, and I know I sound like a spoiled, arrogant and selfish youth. And I don't really have anything to go against that. But I would appreciate some help
Hey @Crunchyness. I get the sense that you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, taking on all these responsibilities, and then feeling bad if even one person isn't satisfied. I know it can be hard to remember, but you're doing your best, and that is enough, regardless of the reactions of other people.
You definitely don't sound spoiled, arrogant or selfish, and I think it's really brave of you to confide in the forums. I often have the same feeling about missing out on the prime of my life. I try to think of it as a balance - do all the mundane things that need to be done, but also make time for some enjoyment/adventures. e.g. going out for lunch/socialising at least once a week. Do you think that's something you could try?
My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
I do have quite the reputation in my year since I'm quite the looker and all the stuff I do, people do call me that "hot stuff that doesn't go after the girls." I guess it's pretty accurate since I'm not interested in romance for the time being but I guess that's part of the spice that makes up our youth.
Is that what I'm missing out? Some childlish feeling of puppy love that the others can understand but I can't?
Hey @Crunchyness! It sounds like you're being kept very busy juggling all of that! And I certainly get that feeling like your youth is slipping away, like you're growing up too fast and there's not enough time for everything that you want/wish you could do! But trust me, you do have time
Love and relationships can definitely be really fun, and may make you feel happy, although I think that spending time with people in a non-romantic way can be just as awesome too, so if you're not feeling that interested in romantic stuff at the moment, I don't think you need to force anything, especially if you're thinking you should just because other people are doing it...
As @letitgo said, it sounds like you are putting A LOT of pressure on yourself, so maybe working on establishing more of a balance in your life might be a good place to start! What do you think?