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Star contributor
Posts: 2,750
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Depression- Really Struggling

I realise how little i mean to people. I mean nothing.

 

Its abit like walking down a road never knowing when a light might turn on.

im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of breathing. i think im done.

to everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a dissapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations.

im locked within the walls of my own mind, unable to escape. Pain. Pain all the time. it runs through my veins, a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it.

Just get over it they say. i wish i could just get over it. i already have to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. i hate struggling all the time.

my thoughts are so overwhelming and what hurts the mst is when people pretend to care but they really dont.

if i drew you a picture, if i did it right, a read stream would appear to take some of the pain away.

im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. i feel like ive lost myself. i dont even know who i am anymore. i feel like i dont belong here on in reality. i avhe feelings of not being worthy and of being a prisioner in my own body.

i ahve so much pain both physically and mentall. i try to stay happy, i try to keep smiling. i try to stay strong. i try to act like everythign is ok but im far from it.

i never knwo when im giong to have a 'good' day and at any minute i could be triggered and its so hard to get it under control.

there are monsters livng inside of me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont know when its ever going to end.

but thats ok 'ill get over it' 

Mod Squad
Posts: 2,036
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

Hey @scared01 - You mean a lot, a whole lot.

I am going to jump on email with you Smiley Happy Keep an eye on your inbox for me.

Star contributor
Posts: 2,750
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

ok @Bree-RO

 

 

Star contributor
Posts: 2,750
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

spoke to them @Bree-RO

 

i dont really feel any better but im not going to SH

Mod Squad
Posts: 2,036
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

I am proud of you for not SHing. Did they give any useful advice? @scared01

Mod
Posts: 726
Registered: ‎14-10-2015

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

Hey @scared01 I just want to jump in and say that it takes a lot of courage to share what's going on for you. You are a person of worth, and you matter. We're here to support you and listen.

 

I'm wondering if something in particular has happened to cause these distressing and overwhelming thoughts?

Star contributor
Posts: 2,750
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

@Bree-RO they told me to use distractions, which ive been doing and things that i already know, im not going to SH i just feel like total s@#t!

 

@khaleesi_18   thanks for you kind words. alot of things ahve been triggering me. its all just adding up on top of each other and i just cant do it

Mod
Posts: 726
Registered: ‎14-10-2015

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

@scared01that's awesome that you have been using distractions tonight. What sort of things have you been doing?

 

That sounds really stressful. It sucks when lots of things build up and impact on our abilities to cope. I'm wondering if there is anything in particular that you would like some support with? Sometimes just talking about everything that's going on can make things seem a little less overwhelming (if that makes sense).

Star contributor
Posts: 2,750
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

being on the forums but i had to get off for a while as some of the threads were triggering and getting hard for me to deal with. but im back now, i was studying and listening to music. @khaleesi_18

 

yeah that does make sense btw.

would you like me to tell you everything that ive been going through so you can get a better understanding?

Mod Squad
Posts: 2,036
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Depression- Really Struggling

@scared01 well done on being so self aware and giving yourself some time off RO Smiley Happy well done legend. Thanks for the support tonight @khaleesi_18 you've been amazing.

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