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Rookie scribe
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎10-03-2017

Is suicide the only valid choice?

 

 

As of late, I've been considering suicide more seriously as a way of ending the ongoing tedium of life. It's not that I'm even in an immense amount of pain atm (though I frequently am) - it's just that it seems like life is essentially meaningless; full of petty cruelties and miseries, that simply get worse and worse as time drags on. Every new stage in my life, I've treated as a new horizon - only to end up the same depressed, and achingly lonely person I was before. Honestly, what's the point? 

 

Everyday I have to deal with the deep wells of my self hatred, as well as my loneliness. I want to be among people, but at the same time I don't - sometimes it just serves to amplify my inadequacy. No one ever invites me out anymore, I've spent the past week utterly alone and now I feel almost desperate for human connection. I was even atypically kind to my uber driver... I just wanted someone to talk to....

 

I don't know what's wrong with me; sometimes I really try in social interactions and I am lively, intelligent and engaging. But, at the end of the day, no one realises that I'm utterly alone. Why bother anymore? Life is so unbearable. 

 

Suicide seems like the only true choice. 

 

p.s. if you have read this and can relate, or otherwise, I'd really appreciate it if you would reply Smiley Happy 

 

 

 

 

Mod
Posts: 7,173
Registered: ‎10-08-2012

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Heya @greyskys12, welcome to RO Smiley Happy

 

I can definitely relate to a lot of those feelings. When we're depressed our brains are really good at convincing us that life is hopeless and things will never get better. Being socially isolated doesn't help either Smiley Sad Do you have any old friends you could send a quick message to? Doesn't have to be anything special, just a quick "hey, how're you doing?" Or even a pet? I know my dog is a great comfort for me when I'm struggling. We've also got some games threads if you're just looking for company or a place to chill out.

 

Also if you don't mind me asking, have you spoken to anyone else about these feelings? And do you feel like you want to act on them?

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Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
Mod
Posts: 1,111
Registered: ‎04-10-2016

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Hey @greyskys12 and welcome to ReachOut. I think it's so good that you've shared these thoughts with us. It can definitely be exhausting feeling so constantly lonely. I have to ask - are you safe right now?

Have you considered calling KidsHelpline (1800 55 1800) or a similar service? It might be helpful to have that conversation with another person, even just over the phone.

 

I can certainly relate to the feelings of loneliness and self-loathing, and often our minds are our own worst enemy. Like @lokifish, I'm wondering if there's anyone you could reach out to in your life? It might just be to send them a snapchat (if you use that) or a quick text. I often find when I'm feeling lonely that the smallest bit of connection can help.

 

What do you think?

My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
Frequent scribe
Posts: 38
Registered: ‎18-02-2017

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Hi @greyskys12,

I am replying to your post because I can definitely relate to what you are going through. 

 

A couple years ago I had my first depressive episode. At the time mental health care was virtually nonexistent and mental illness was not even known about. As a result I got worse and worse and I attempted suicide multiple times. The main factors that exacerberated my pain was that I felt like there was no point to living and experiencing such pain day after day with no end. 

 

Obviously you know this but suicide is a very permanent thing. Once you do it, you can't do anything else. That is why I think you should try to do some other suggestions and changes before you try suicide since you basically have nothing to lose anyway. 

 

I would try calling the hotlines that other commenters have suggested. I would also suggest the Orygen triage line: 1800 888 320 for people you can talk to. The people that are on these hotlines all care about you and your life and wish to speak to you. They all want you to feel better. All the people on these forums want to speak to you as well; we are all here to help and support each other. What are some of your interests? Maybe you can start a new thread on the 'Everyday Life Stuff' forum and find people with similar interests to chat with.

 

If there is a local Headspace in your area I think you should also pay them a visit. They run monthly and weekly activities there and it is a lovely way to meet new people. Sometimes they will even have therapy dogs!!

 

If you would like to message me and talk more please feel free. I promise that I will always reply. 

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 100
Registered: ‎27-10-2015

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Yup! Lots of us in the same boat dudeSmiley Happy Something I learnt that might help you, is that, you are never alone, just separate. Once a day the odds of millions of people blinking at the same time are low but it happens and we all miss that moment! In the future we may experience an overhaul in the mental healthcare system as humanity has seen many times in the past. Help migh get better and I think a chance is worth holding onto.

 

I feel afraid all the time even to make friends because deep down i want a friend I can tell my deepest secrets and thoughts too, but I am afraid to hurt people or upset people, it puts me in a paradox that I wish to break free from. Only by working through those little tediums of life will I ever get there again. Love is real, happiness and contentment are all out there. It genuinely takes work to get there. 

 

Something people may not realise is that the ultimate lonesomeness is achieved through meditation. To sit with no distraction and to ponder nothing. To simply breathe. Well I think many see it is pointless but it is as close as a living person can get to being dead by choice. Id say experiment with meditation a lot. It can be surprising what comes up. Educate yourself, becoming a part of online communities can lead to some friendshipsSmiley Happy  You sound like a smart person, some time and some effort you might be well respected and known for your genuine advice for working through this stuff, IMO the worlds needs people like us to make it through the struggle to spread our unique memes.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

 

PS: Got any cool hobbies? Or a pet?

Rookie scribe
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎10-03-2017

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Hi, thanks everyone for your reply. Idc if you replied out of a sense of obligation, or else through some genuine impulse - I appreciate it all the same. Sorry I don't have the energy to write more. Thank

Builder
Posts: 80
Registered: ‎24-09-2016

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Hey @greyskys12

I have had a similar experience of loneliness.. some people underestimate the power of loneliness but it can really make you feel worthless. I think it's difficult to assume or tell how people are feeling in any case and I suppose that is really the essence of many health problems. I honestly don't think many people would be able to guess that I am alone!

As others have suggested, reaching out to someone is a great idea. It can be anyone! It can even be a health service, GP and telephone hotline. You don't have to go through it alone and I know sometimes we yearn to talk about it with a friend or someone special, rather than just a stranger. BUT, a lot of these people are just like us here at ReachOut. A lot of people come from passion and experience because they can empathise with how it feels and want to help others to feel positive, hopeful and united. There are also ongoing services that you can connect to like a psychologist/counsellor to build a relationship.

Let us know if you reach out to anyone or anything ☺
Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
– Henry Ford
Mod
Posts: 134
Registered: ‎17-10-2016

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Hi @greyskys12, thanks for your post

 

I'm replying because I can relate to how you're feeling 

 

I think that something that is helpful for me is having some hope and having something to look forward to in life, even if it's tiny. Like maybe cooking a new meal and seeing how it turns out. Or learning a new song on guitar. Are there things in your life that make you happy/that you enjoy doing? 

 

I agree with what others have said about reaching out to someone. I think sometimes life can get really lonely and it feels like your on your own and no one really cares, but when you find someone to talk to, that can help Smiley Happy

 

For me, I think life doesn't inherently have any meaning and you can choose what to do with it, like find your own purpose/meaning. So sometimes I just think there's nothing to lose anyway, so I add stuff to my life (like things to look forward to) because I'm alive now and might as well make the most of it

Mod
Posts: 134
Registered: ‎17-10-2016

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

Hi @greyskys12, thanks for your post

 

I'm replying because I can relate to how you're feeling 

 

I think that something that is helpful for me is having some hope and having something to look forward to in life, even if it's tiny. Like maybe cooking a new meal and seeing how it turns out. Or learning a new song on guitar. Are there things in your life that make you happy/that you enjoy doing? 

 

I agree with what others have said about reaching out to someone. I think sometimes life can get really lonely and it feels like your on your own and no one really cares, but when you find someone to talk to, that can help Smiley Happy

 

For me, I think life doesn't inherently have any meaning and you can choose what to do with it, like find your own purpose/meaning. So sometimes I just think there's nothing to lose anyway, so I add stuff to my life (like things to look forward to) because I'm alive now and might as well enjoy and make the most of it

Highlighted
Casual scribe
Posts: 372
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Is suicide the only valid choice?

hey @greyskys12

 

i can certainly relate to these feelings. ive been through alot but i wont get into that now and im not supported at all by family or friends. i find the forums are great for communication and getting help or even just a chat when your feeling lonely.

there is nothing wrong with you, many people esp here on the forums have the same feelings and they connect here as they can get support and many offer advice as well.

just eondering are you see a psychologist to help you through these feelings?

and also i know its extremely hard to do anythign when yur in a abd state of mind but you can make life abit more bearabel for yourself by doing the things you love to do.. what are some of your favourite things to do?

 

and there are plenty of helpines that can support and guide you as well when youve hit a rock such as headspace, kids helpine, beyond blue, sucide call abck service and lifeline just to name a few

 

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