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Casual scribe
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-10-2016

Longing for something "real"

First off, I want to point out that I'm not exactly in a state where I would normally be depressed. I'm for the most part quite popular, social, grades are above average and stuff, nothing to complain about in a direct standpoint.
But there's something that bothers me a lot, more so recently. I feel distant, even from my closest friends. Friends feel like a title you just give someone, and there's really nothing else that can really identify someone as your "friend"
As such, I feel lonely. Or rather, I'm looking for something "real". I don't need approval, I don't need pity, I don't need companionship of any sort. I just want to know. I want to understand, rest in the knowledge of what others truly feel about me.
Even if it means I will have no friends, I wouldn't mind, as long as I know the true feelings of those around me instead of the superficial emotions people show me because of my status.
Maybe it's just my selfish side speaking, maybe I just want to share these thoughts with people. These depressing, disgusting, self-indulgent thoughts. Even I feel sick to my own stomach when I think about how I want to know all this. I really should just let this desire to know their feelings go.
But it conflicts with my thoughts because I'm looking for these genuine feelings, but yet I don't want to. Now I'm at an impasse. My selfish side wants me to find these thoughts, but yet my logical side wants me to just move on. So it's hard to decide.....
But worst of all, will I ever find this "real" feeling that I desire? Or is it just an ideal that I will never reach?
Mod
Posts: 1,251
Registered: ‎04-10-2016

Re: Longing for something "real"

Hey @Crunchyness! I'm getting the sense that you want to know what people honestly feel about you? I think that's a very understandable desire. We all worry from time to time about what others think of us, and I can see how knowing once and for all would be reassuring for you.

I'm wondering if there's someone in your life you could talk to about these concerns?

My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
Casual scribe
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-10-2016

Re: Longing for something "real"

@letitgo Nobody in particular as of now. A person whom I would tell this to is someone I can trust fully, understand but not worry about me. Because I feel this other side of me is rotten to the core, it's not something I open up about easily.
Builder
Posts: 578
Registered: ‎07-10-2016

Re: Longing for something "real"

Hey @Crunchyness, could you perhaps speak to a school counsellor?

I think that it is normal, like @letitgo said to want to know how others view us, however, I think it can be detrimental if we obsess over this. It can effect your self-esteem, confidence and general health if we worry too much about it.

One thing to keep in mind is that as long as you are happy with what you do, i.e. you try to be kind etc. then what other people think doesn't matter.

Perhaps take some time out and don't berate yourself for wanting to know.
Mod
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: Longing for something "real"

Hey @Crunchyness what do you think something "real" might look like for you?
Casual scribe
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-10-2016

Re: Longing for something "real"

@Alison5 @May_ How others view me isn't really the problem. I don't really mind actually. It's how I want to see them. Right now I feel everyone around me is putting up a front, and I can't really see who is someone who is worth what he/she seems. I want to see through that front, and get to the real feelings beneath. Be it in the form of a friend, girlfriend or even superior, as long as there's someone who can see me for who I am, with these rotten thoughts, or maybe even help carry my burden, I feel that it is something out of my reach, never hope to achieve, something I don't deserve.
Mod Squad
Posts: 1,469
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Longing for something "real"

Hey @Crunchyness first up, you definitely deserve to be seen  how you want to be seen and supported in the way you long to be supported. You're worth these things - totally. Sorta feeling like the people around you aren't genuine? Do you feel like you kinda can't crack that surface character people are fronting? Or that you shouldn't have to try and get through that layer?

Rookie
Posts: 1
Registered: 6 hours ago

Re: Longing for something "real"

@CrunchynessHai o: know that you can always talk to me if you need to, I'm always looking for people to help : P I was going through websites trying to find one where I could help people and I'm glad I found what I was looking for : ) I can't say I've experienced what you have Crunchy but I can sure as hell tell what it would feel like :/

Know that I'm always here for you if you need someone 'real' to talk to. (As if real should be something to be desired in the first place, everyone should have someone real in their life, someone they can say anything and everything to)

 

"Maybe it's just my selfish side speaking, maybe I just want to share these thoughts with people. These depressing, disgusting, self-indulgent thoughts. Even I feel sick to my own stomach when I think about how I want to know all this. I really should just let this desire to know their feelings go." Shut the ---------------, for one you're not selfish, far from it. If these feelings are real you would do yourself a favour by not denying them you know >;O I know how what you're going through would help feelings of loneliness to start to exist and believe me when I tell you it's only gonna get worse.

 

"But worst of all, will I ever find this "real" feeling that I desire? Or is it just an ideal that I will never reach?" Haha : ) I remember thinking this, there's like a layer of feelings over you, wrapping you up like a sausage roll. Remember that feelings create feelings, if you're not feeling very happy chances are your thoughts will become unhappy as well and I talk from experience when I tell you that one year you'll think you'll never EVER get something you want and two or three years later you can find just that xD

 

Crunchy, you're fine

And you're going to be fine. And if you're still in high school/secondary school then it's perfectly normal to feel entirely hopeless. But know that it won't always be this way. Don't go thinking that you'll be hopeless forever cause I promise you in a few years time you'll be seriously questioning why you ever thought those thoughts in high school to begin with. Things can change very quickly Crunchy, you sure as hell don't need to worry about not finding something "real" : )

 

Also if you need to talk to someone I will always listen to you <3

 

I also saw you posted things way back when a few months ago :/ I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you back then.

 

@Staff Is it against the rules to share contact information? Like skype, etc? I also noticed I can't send PM's.

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