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Casual scribe
Posts: 451
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Moving forward (sexual abuse)

Hi fellow RO people

Im really struggling with the disclosure of sexual abuse. Yes im safe and all the right actions have been taken but im struggling to move forward

What have you used and what helps you to move forward with this? What coping strategies have you used?

Im super embarrassed and ashamed by it and struggling to move forward
Casual scribe
Posts: 451
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)


Does it get easier over time?

Im very embarrassed and ashamed and scared by it and struggling so any help would be great.
It would be great to know if there are any other survivors on here and how you are now and how it affect the way you live
Builder
Posts: 9,391
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

Hey.

When I started disclosing that I was sexually abused I had a similar reaction. I was scared ashamed and blamed myself for what happened. It took me ages to come to terms with what had happened, I forgot about my abuse after it happened for ten years, which was my brains way of coping with it. This also made it hard for me because I didn't know if my memories were real. Tbh when I started talking about things did get a little worse at first. But then things started getting better and now I can mostly cope and deal with it all. There are still days I get flashbacks or memories but I know how to deal with that now too.
Finding someone you trust to talk openly about all the fears, regrets and guilt really helped me. I learnt that what happened wasn't my fault and never could have been. No one deserves to be sexually abused. Having good grounding strategies for therapy, flashbacks and memories really helped. I learnt to focus on my breathing and my senses to bring me to the present moment reminding myself that's it over and I'm OK.
I don't know your story but I think it's great that your taking steps towards recovery from this. Recovery doesn't mean that it won't ever affect us again, but that we are stronger than it and that we can cope with what is thrown at us.
I wish you luck.
Builder
Posts: 56
Registered: ‎04-10-2016

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

Hi @scared01

 

@redhead has given some really wonderful advice. 

 

My advice to you is to simply be kind to yourself at this time, and not set expectations of yourself with "how" you should be coping.

 

I'm sending you love and kindness at this time Heart

Casual scribe
Posts: 451
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

hi @redhead @ms_xt

 

thank you both for your support. i really appreciate it through this time.

 

im not sure if it would help if i told my story so you can get an idea?

 

i also suffer from gad, depression and ptsd (from a another event- a dog attack) so with this added assult its a bit hard to overcome by myslef.

 

i ahvent disclosed this information to anyone except as i was getting it dealt with and it was only need to know people that knew so my family didnt really know either.

im not going to tell them either as when i told my friends and family that i was stuggling with mental illness they told me to grow up and get over it and i tried that, i really did to the point i was questioning my own mental health state.

but i guess despite trying to shut things out it always come back to haunt me

Mod
Posts: 7,242
Registered: ‎10-08-2012

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

Hey @scared01,

 

That certainly sounds like a lot to be going through by yourself Smiley Sad It's also really sucky when people who are meant to support us react negatively when we open up to them Smiley Sad Apologies if someone's suggested them already, but have you heard of 1800 RESPECT? They can be pretty great at helping people get through these experiences. Would you feel comfortable giving them a call (1800 737 732) or checking out their online chat?

 

It's also really important to take care of ourselves when we're dealing with difficult memories. Is there anything you like to do to help relax? Smiley Happy

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
Casual scribe
Posts: 451
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

hi @lokifish

yeah ive heard of them and now the blue knot foundation as well.

im not really good at making phone calls so i just emailed them for some advice and support. maybe one day ill stop being a sook and ring them just not today.

 

um i like to read and journal and write short stories, listening to music and go for drives.

 

Mod
Posts: 7,242
Registered: ‎10-08-2012

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

@scared01 Oh I have a horrible fear of making phone calls as well - you're not alone there. It's totally okay to take your time.

 

That's awesome that you emailed them! It can be really hard to reach out like that. Could you do one of those things to help you chill out?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
Casual scribe
Posts: 451
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

 

THIS IS MY STORY:

 

it all started when i was 16 when my mother got her new boyfriend. it didnt happen straight away during the relationship. he seemed really nice and caring and i never really had a father figure to look up to before so i was quite happy to just take on his advice etc just like a father- daughter relationship but after a while some true colours started to show and when my mu would go out, he would often say i coud stay at home with him and at first it was ok, i would just stay in my room and do what normal teenagers do ( study, listen to music, read a book etc) but one day that changed. he called me down to the lounge room ( we had upstairs bedrooms and bathroom and downstairs kitchen bathroom lounge room set up, so anyway he called me down to the lounge room and made me watch 'dirty' film clips and i said i didnt want to and he said well ill just tell your mother tat i caught you watching these when she gets home so i had to watch them, i tried not to watch them by just looking at the walls etc but i still had to stay there and i was too afraid to say something as why would people trust teenagers over an adult hey....
then one day he called me down again and made me watch it again but afterwards i had to get undressed and one thing after another. i was so afraid and again didnt want to say anything as why would they beleive a teenager over an adult. they would just think im lying. this happened a few more times and it killed me each and every time to know that i was allowing this to happen.
it finally ended when she left him through other factors (being violent) and now thats been dealt with but it still haunts me every day and i often worry whether itll happen to me again, or worse i now have younger sisters so i constanlty worry about it happenign to them.
it still haunts me everyday, and kills me just that little bit more inside each and every day. it makes me feel so ashamed, and dirty and like a complete dissapointment.

Casual scribe
Posts: 451
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse)

@lokifish ive been catching up on  some of my study and just watching movies today a well as my daily chores and caring responsibilities

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