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Builder
Posts: 15,545
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Need my mum

No that's ok, I don't know if I I have ever really felt genuinely safe @Sally-RO that's why I struggled a bit with that bit.
Yeah I guess so, and I make them feel safe and cared about when I give them hugs and tell them I love them. They are the greatest thing in my life, I wish I could see them more often.
//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Mod Squad
Posts: 530
Registered: ‎17-10-2016

Re: Need my mum

that's really beautiful that you care for them so much @j95I am going to be logging off very soon - I hope we've been a help tonight, you definately seem alot calmer even though you haven't got the ideal relationship with your mum

Builder
Posts: 15,545
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Need my mum

It's not the same type of safety but I guess I have felt a sense of safety when my dogs are sleeping on my bed with me @Sally-RO
//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Mod
Posts: 157
Registered: ‎29-09-2016

Re: Need my mum

Hey @j95, just checking in to see how you’re feeling this morning? It seems like your feelings about your mum were pretty overwhelming last night Smiley Frustrated I hope your dogs helped your feel better and kept you safe Heart

 
I think it is only natural to want to be hugged and loved by your mum. Unfortunately though, what your mum decides to do / not do is probably out of your control… What IS within your control though, is how you respond to these feelings / yearnings. You can also control who you surround yourself with, and the person/people you identify as being mother figures for you.
 
I saw an interesting quote this morning from a woman who is considering adoption because she cannot fall pregnant and she said “A mother is someone who raises a child.” It got me thinking that while I know your mother gave birth to you, perhaps your “mum" is actually someone else? Have there been other “maternal figures’ or influential figures in your life who you feel helped raise you? Extended family? Perhaps a teacher? A friend’s parent? Maybe thinking about positive memories of someone who helped raise you and does love you would help ease some of your painful feelings and sense of missing out with your biological mother? 
Builder
Posts: 15,545
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Need my mum

[ Edited ]

I'm ok, still thinking about all this though @Autumn23

Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

I can't really think of those sort of people in my life... I don't think I really have any to be honest, I've had a heap of carers and stuff over the years but nobody like that. But yeah I get what you mean about how I can't chose what my mother does but rather how I react to it.

 

//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Builder
Posts: 15,545
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Need my mum

It's just so shit to want something so badly but it's never going to happen
//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Mod
Posts: 578
Registered: ‎27-02-2016

Re: Need my mum

Sup @j95

 

Don't give up hope Smiley Happy Surely there've been instances where you never thought something would happen and it pleasantly surprised you to see it did? I reckon that opportunity you told me a while back about a project for young indigenous people was a good example. I know if it was me who applied for something, I'd just expect the worst and end up really surprised (and happy) that I would be accepted.

Builder
Posts: 15,545
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Need my mum

[ Edited ]

Yeah that's true I didn't think I would get in but I did @RevzZ oh yeah by the way you know I said I had to get special professional photos taken for that? Haha yeah well my face is now being circulated around Melbourne in a publication lel
But yeah, I know it sounds negative but my mum won't ever love me Smiley Sad

//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//
Mod Squad
Posts: 1,707
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: Need my mum

Hey @j95 are you talking around your Mum? As I have  mentioned before, I know this feeling well. Like yourself I also don't have a Father who is alive/present, and my Mother is better out of my life (for my own wellbeing).

 

But you know the best feeling in the world? When you push through it all, look over your shoulder and realise you've raised yourself to be a strong and insightful person without the support of a guardian. Not that it justifies my Mother's lack of presence, but what I did gain from having no parents around was the exceptional gratitude of positive people in my life, friends and mentors. 

 

Can you think of one thing you have gained along the way in being your own guardian?

Builder
Posts: 15,545
Registered: ‎17-04-2014

Re: Need my mum

[ Edited ]

Yeah makes sense @Bree-RO one day, and some days I already do, I'll look back and think about how I managed not only survive by myself but actually do alright and do a heap for my siblings too, despite my parents not being there.

One thing I have gained... I think I have definitely learnt a lot of life skills and have from very young. Like I looked after my siblings when I was only a kid myself so I had to learn all of those skills to keep them safe and lots of other things. A lot of other people I know are smart, like acamdentically but not as street smart as I am because of what I've had to do.
I guess I've sort of learnt to be grateful and adapt to things quite quickly. By grateful I mean like, I'm pretty grateful for what I have now and I work hard for what I have and take pride in my belongings. I look after what I have because I never really had nice things so I treasure them.
And I've learnt to adapt to changes because I've had to... I've had no other choice, when I was care I got moved around heaps, different people, different houses, different areas and I just had to adjust to it I had no other option, and I'm stronger because of that. For example when I had to get a new counsellor in November, it was tough but I think if I hadn't experienced so much change in life, it would of been harder. I struggle a bit with it like most and some situations are really bad, because I'm still not quite sure who I can trust in some cases, but I think I've just learnt that people and go. And maybe this thing with mum is those attachment issues coming to the surface, like needing someone to cling to, but idk.

That wasn't meant to be a full post about all shit stuff that's happened, just trying to explain it.

//caught in fire, watch me burn gonna live my life, mark these words cause I'm home//

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