19-04-2016 03:12 PM - last edited on 19-04-2016 07:28 PM by ElleBelle
Hey guys, I'm depressed, the thing is, and I've only just realised this is I've been depressed most of my life.
I've got bipolar 1 so most of the time I'm aiming to avoid mania and have been doing pretty well.
It's just nothing makes me happy anymore. I feel like I've lost what little passion and personality i have. My best friend left me because I was being negative, well that's what I assume, she never did tell me just stopped answering my calls.
I don't speak to my family since my diagnosis with bipolar really, they were very angry with me and never quite forgave me. I do see my sister occasionally.
Anyway, I just can't go on feeling like this. I have a Job and rent a place but I'm scared if i ask for help I'll lose my job and end up homeless and sleeping rough again like what happened the first time i was discharged from hospital.
I know there's nothing anyone can do or say to help but thanks for reading. Please don't tell me to empty out batteries  cause it'll make me feel better, tried spending $600 AUD a week on therapy but then i spent all my savings.
/rant, sorry guys.
19-04-2016 09:09 PM
Hey @mishaps, sorry to hear you haven't been doing too well lately. I think last time we spoke you didn't have a job or a secure living arrangement, so I'm glad that things are looking a bit better in that area. Please know that is against the law for your employer to discriminate on the grounds of mental illness, and they actually have a legal responsibility to ensure that work does not aggravate your health - mental and physical. I do understand your concerns though, especially if you have been treated irresponsibly by employers in the past.
Given that you have a history with the hospital system, are you currently on a mental health plan? Each year you are entitled to ten sessions with a MH professional that is covered by Medicare, you just need to see a GP for a referral. There are also some psychologists and therapists who will be willing to negotiate payment rates and plans for patients who need help but cannot afford it. There are also some free or low cost options available, like Lifeline.
We would definitely never advise you to consume battery parts, in fact we cannot give medical advice here at all as part of our community guidelines. What I will say is that if you don't feel comfortable taking medication, that is up to you, but I do encourage you to speak about it with a doctor first so you understand all of the treatment options that are available.
Do you have any hobbies, or things that make you feel better when you are down?
19-04-2016 10:45 PM
I don't have hobbies or interests, I just try desperately to survive, been doing well. Just wanted to vent, thanks for the long reply.
There are no quick fixes i just need to deal with feeling like this and move on.
Your moderators are on point props for that.
22-04-2016 02:59 PM
Although you weren't feeling too good, look at how well you have done to secure a job and begin living a more secure lifestyle- that's really fantastic.
You can vent here whenever you feel the need, or just check in with us when you want to hang out.
You mentioned that your family hasn't spoken to you since your diagnosis. This really saddens me. Do you think you and your family would ever be closer again? Do you want closer relationships with your family?
Keep us posted,
22-04-2016 09:14 PM
Sometimes a little blast from the past is useful to show us how far we've come @mishaps, it's easy to forget all the progress we've made when we're in the grips of the blues. You're right about there being no quick fixes, but there are coping strategies like mindfulness andbreathing exercises that can help in the moment. Have you ever tried those? You can find some cool apps for it in our Toolbox.
23-04-2016 07:23 PM - last edited on 25-04-2016 09:36 PM by ElleBelle
Thanks Lahna and Elle.
I would like a closer relationship with my family i guess, dont think it will happen. I'm a failure in their eyes for being sick and i don't like being treated like I'm crazy. Been over four years now.
I lost friends during my hospitalisation, I thought they would always be in my life. Mental illness scares people and i don't blame anyone for not wanting an ill person in their life.
It's just so hard not having a support network. I'm so tired of doing everything for myself and by myself. Honestly I'd like to give up most days but last time i gave up i left my Job and lost weight because i couldn't afford food. That memory keeps me fighting haha.
Mindfulness does help, today i cleaned my sharehouse and only thought about cleaning, made it second by second through the day.
Just tired of feeling like this, tired of being depressed and alone.
Thanks for reading and replying, i appreciate it.
23-04-2016 10:11 PM
I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time with your family and friends @mishaps. It sounds like they have had trouble understanding what is happening for you and what kind of support you would like. This must feel very isolating for you.
You don't deserve to be treated like you're 'crazy' or like you're not wanted in someone's life. Your determination to keep fighting sounds like you would be an inspiring person to be around! Your friends are really missing out. I do hope you will consider giving Lifeline a call sometime. They're available 24/7 and you can chat to them about anything that's worrying you.
I hope we see you around the forums a bit more. Your journey to this point has seen some great steps forward and I hope you'll share some of the things that have worked for you. Keep going.
28-04-2016 02:01 PM
I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling some relief by using mindfulness, but it's upsetting to hear that your family aren't with you right now to help out. Have you tried reaching out to them lately?
What is it about that particular memory that keeps you fighting? I think coming out of that would be really encouraging because it shows just how strong and able to fight you are.
How do you think you'd go with trying to make some new connections?
03-05-2016 12:23 PM