18-02-2014 09:34 PM
ive been alone..
always alone...people in my family know about my problems my issues how i dont hold normal moral standards even in my own family i feel alone they think this issue will go away but it wont..you see i have this problem i have a personality thats constantly changing one minute im super happy and its fun time it ice cream untill you throw up than i crash so hard and hate myself even more..
I describe myself as arrogant yes im possibly one of those jerks that thinks himself above everyone else...but at the same time with all these emotions rolling around and slowly tearing my sanity apart i feel so very empty like somethings missing..
i admit my childhood was never a happy one in fact it was cold and distant and isolating..and i was left alone alot..i look back on the photos when i was younger and i cant remember thinking when i was ever genuinly happy the photos from back than look like another kid to me it doesnt feel like me kind of like my grasp on reality is slowly slipping away..
even the slightest fault eg a bad day can lead to suicidal thoughts and self hate...ive always told myself im not good enough not fast enough not strong enough its like i have this complex relationship of loving myself and hating myself at the same time these two opposite emotions are tearing me apart and it isnt even bi-polar heck i wish it was bi-polar it would be easier to deal with..
and im left with these two constantly conflicting emotions always at end ...im on my own always dealing with it on my own....ive nevr really fit in with anyone either im the odd one the wierd one thats avoided socialy akward i dont mix well with others..and im shit scared of being rejected...thats all ive had my whole life..rejection from my own father who couldnt be bothered with me...
rejection from my mother who doesnt help me..
abuse from my older brother....
whats wrong with me? why does everybody hate me i just want to be left alone at the same time all i want is for somone to accept me...wont someone please accept me?
so please help me...i dunno what to do anymore
yours sincerly a beautifull mess
18-02-2014 10:01 PM
Hi @Hollow … thanks for sharing with us.
That sounds like a lot of difficulty for just one person to have to go through.
First off: you're not alone. You always have everyone here to share with and to talk to — and if you need to hear someone's voice, you can call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
Your personality changes and changing emotions sounds like something really difficult to go through. It might take a bit of searching but you're not alone in having those feelings — we've had other threads with people having similar issues.
Have you spoken to a doctor, a counsellor or a therapist about what you're experiencing? I know it's not a total solution to what you're going through but it might be a starting point…?
19-02-2014 01:51 PM
Hi @Hollow , it sounds like you're having a very difficiult time right now and I'm sorry to hear that. It's never easy to go through life feeling unsupported, especially when it comes to your family.
I definitely agree with @Lex that it would be helpful for your mental wellbeing to talk to someone, whether its someone you know, a GP or someone at a service like Kids Helpline or eHeadspace. Keeping things bottled up to yourself can often make things a lot harder.
You've said in your message that everyday bad situations can lead to dramatic drops in your mood, so maybe reorienting your self talk a bit may help to lift your overall mood. For example, if your having a bad day rather than blaming it on some personal fault, try and think things that went well that day. Here's some more info on self talk and changing it to be more positive:
I really hope that things start looking up for you soon and you start to feel better
23-02-2014 01:59 PM
Some of what you are discribing is a reaction of the stress you are experiencing.
You can look up on this site and other sites like Lifeline to work on your self talk.
You also need to learn some coping skills so you don't feel like suicide is an option.
Lifeline have a service provider database, online chat and the phone 13 11 14 which you can contact if you are feeling suicidial.
When your mood changes, stop and take some death breaths, and listen to your self talk and how your body is reacting.
Find things that help you feel calm, in control of you and that balance out your emotions.
If you experience anger, find something that helps to release it, like sport, art. writing (journal) craft......
Do things that help you feel improtant and valued like eat a balance diet, exercise (walking), hot shower, good night sleep, listen to music you like, what ever helps you feel that you are loving yourself and that you value yourself.
Forgive yourself and the people around you for not knowing any better to leaving you feel hurt.
Talking to a professional doctor or school councillor can help to process what is going on around you.
All the best and we are never alone, but we can just feel alone even when we around people which is why we need to look after ourself and work through our pain.
11-07-2015 12:17 PM
There are a few things that you might want to explore. Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-Polar disorder, and HSP or Highly sensitve people. It seems you fit into some of these criteria. There are websites where you can do indepth research and it will help you determine a little bit closer if you match these "symptoms" or not. It will get you closer to your own prognosis and I would present that to a mental health professional. In the meantime, look up Marsha Linehan and her DBT training. DBT ( Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is based on eastern philosophy. It is about learn how to react to situations in a better way. How to view things in a better way, meditation and calming your spirit. DBT therapy is used for the above issues and more. Read some of buddhas teachings... Good luck with your recovery.
15-07-2015 09:39 AM
Hi @Hollow it sounds like you are feeling sad and lonely? Thinking that you don't fit in and feeling isolated can be upsetting.
Do you feel that if you don't perform well then you are worthless or 'not good enough'? It sounds like you aren't comfortable in your own skin and look to prop yourself up with achievements or these 'arrogant' traits you were talking about? How do you feel about yourself in general?
I'm really sorry to hear about the tough things you went through in your childhood, but that doesn't have to define you, or be a crutch that you have to carry. Do you have someone you look up to?
Sometimes when we feel like we have problems, or are messed up, we look for reasons why these thoughts are correct. What are some positive characteristics you like about yourself?
Let us know how you're going, I'd really like to know
18-10-2015 07:06 PM
You need to think of your interests and hone in on them. Something that makes you happy, something that puts even so much as a smile on your face. You need to keep your self busy with things you like to do. THat is where you will meet people with similar interests and similar traits. Those are the people that will accept you, and become your friend. However, like everything else in this world there will always be small hiccups that seem so much larger than what they appear to be. You your self just need to think out side of the box and look at the big picture. The big picture is this won't last forever, you just need some guidance. There are people that will help you. It is sad that your family may not be willing to help but someone else will. There are great people in this world that you may not even know exist right now, but you'll meet them, and they will become your family. Check out some things on the internet, look up pictures of the things you want, the way you want to live and set goals to get them. Even the smallest goal that you succeed will not only make you feel better about your self and your skills but will also lead up to the accomplishment of other and bigger goals. The number one thing is to never give up, because you just never know. YOu could be at your all time low yet right around the corner is great oppurtunity for you. Just keep going.
08-11-2015 10:05 AM
08-11-2015 10:17 AM
First of all, I would just like to welcome you to ReachOut.
So sorry to read that you can related to Hallow. If you would like to discuss what you are going through or want general support, then I encourage you to start a new thread.
Also, feel free to check out the rest of the forum,
My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ