31-03-2017 02:49 PM
I've been holding anger in for so long, avoiding talking or writing about certain emotions and experience. Because I'm scared that if I let myself face it I'll lose myself in the pain. I don't know how I'm ever going to move forward when I don't want to face what's inside of me. If only I could erase it, forget it. I hate how I've been used and messed with. I want to be treated like a person not a puppet. I feel so stupid. But then I can't really control what others do, but it still feel like it's my fault for getting hurt. Maybe I like having the sense that I can control my life because I feel hopeless when it feels uncontrollable. I just don't know how to let go of shame and the anger that's been eating up my heart.
31-03-2017 06:45 PM
Hey @Creativegirl12, thank you for sharing this post - I hope at least writing these feelings down helped a little
Sounds like you've been sitting with this shame and anger for quite a while? Who do you feel is treating you like a puppet?
Are there any moments where you don't feel shame,anger and pain that you can think of at the moment?
31-03-2017 06:51 PM
As someone who has also been holding back a lot of pain and anger, I can relate to what you're doing.To some extent it does work, because by suppressing the negative feelings you have you don't have to process or deal with them. But I believe in the long run this method does cause you damage and will interfere with how you can form relationships with others.
I never really confronted these negative emotions I had been holding in until I saw a psychologist for the first time. I'm not going to lie, it was really painful. Digging up all these terrible memories and realising how much they really hurt me was devastating at times, especially when I couldn't revert back to my old method of suppressing them.
But there is strength in acknowledging when your feelings are hurt and not being ashamed by them. When someone hurts you, I understand that you want to put up a stoic face so they don't know they have that power over you. But that does not mean you cannot admit to yourself your feelings are hurt--talk to friends, seek assurance, be aware of your own vulnerabilities. You aren't weak for having emotions.
I would highly suggest speaking to a therapist (and make sure it's on a fairly regular basis) or maybe opening up to a close friend. Seeing a therapist is a really good away of examining your hurt feelings while also being given tools to control that and not let yourself get lost in the pain.
02-04-2017 09:26 AM
@DirtWitch I'm glade you were able to reach out. Coping with difficult feelings alone is hard. I could try reaching out. I know I could tell my therapist about some of the hurt, I'm not sure I could tell him everything at this point. I can see if I can talk to any of my friends and family members.
03-04-2017 10:11 AM
@Creativegirl12 I would definitely recommend talking to your therapist and anyone close to you. You don't have to tell them everything but even a little about your situation (e.g. I feel really hurt and angry and I don't know how to deal with that) can provide some really good starting points to feeling better, especially with your therapist.
And of course, you are always welcome to talk here when you'd like!
03-04-2017 11:53 AM
@Creativegirl12 it sounds like you are avoiding feelings of hurt by distracting yourself from certain thoughts. Does that sound right to you?
Did you get the chance to speak to speak to friends/family about what's going on for you at the moment?
04-04-2017 05:04 PM
Hey @Creativegirl12, have you been able to talk to someone about what's been going on for you? Sending you lots of support!
My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
04-04-2017 07:38 PM
@Creativegirl12 thinking about you.. You feeling like you're holding onto a lot of this tension at the back of your mind still? Are you able to have a bit of a vent or will that churn up too many emotions?
05-04-2017 09:30 AM
@JanaG I've been trying to do that. But I've had to come to the realisation that I can't avoid this forever. I've been avoiding talking and writing about it. Though I do charge my inner frustration into a workout, I still have lingering feelings.
@letigo @Bree-RO I've tried reaching out a bit to a friend, it helped. I haven't told her a great deal about it. Frankly I'm too scared to put words to it at this stage, I guess I'll take it slowly, it's not that I've never spoken about it to friends and family, I haven't spoken about it for so long. And I'm scared of making them feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to be open about this completely with my therapist, it's not that I don't trust him, it's just complicated.
05-04-2017 07:50 PM
You mention you have been avoiding writing about it, is writing something that helps you when it comes to feelings? It seems like you want to talk about the issue but don't know how to start, is that correct?
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