20-03-2017 12:01 PM - edited 20-03-2017 12:13 PM
When does living just become existing...
Why does each breathe i take hurt so much..
Tears replace my smile...
Pain increases with each heart beat..
Anger replaced by a feeling of emptiness..
I feel like giving up.. Its time i think..
Ive tried for so long. I have an disabled elderly mother, a severally disabled brother, elderly father and 2 aunts who help as much as they can but arent doing well themselves...
I thought i could manage, I think i even lied to myself my entire life that I could do it... I married someone who I thought excepted me, someone i let into my world and seemed to understand. After 9 years things with my family have only gotten worse - healthwise, now my wife seems to have drifted away. She says she loves me but that i end to put her first. That i need to break away from my family and leave wit her or else she wants to leave me..
From the day i met her she was always first in my life. I let her into my sad life because she brighten everything. To me I finally had someone who excepted me. Overtime because i have had to share my self with everyone, i felt so exhausted, hurt but every time i came home and saw my wife my soul felt at ease.
Now ive been given an ultimatum, sell the house i bought for my family and move away with my wife or she will leave me...
For so many years i felt alone, i didnt fit in with everyone. i was the award one in the group. I kept telling myself i was fine and that when the sun rises again it would all be ok.. I became so good at forgetting the hurt, the pain - just moving on!! Now im so broken. I always looked after anyone even strangers. Whether giving a homeless person the last few dollars in my account, to making a fool of myself to put a smile on someones face..
FOr the first time in my life I want to close my eyes and give up... Feel like fading away..
I found this forum and just started tying... i know its over for me but for these few words i allowed myself to feel again - even though its pain and even though im fighting back my tears...
I do really know what to do.. I now i cant leave my family but the pain of losing my wife (my best friend, my life) hurts me soo much.. i dont want to breath anymore....
20-03-2017 02:59 PM
Hi @BrokenBeing and welcome to ReachOut.
Unfortunately, RO is for young people around 14-25 years and I think you might be above that age range. You're still welcome to join us although some of the information on the website won't be very useful to you. A good place to check out is Beyond Blue forums as they have people closer to your age that might be able to offer you better advice that we can.
Have you spoken to anyone about your situation before here?
20-03-2017 04:26 PM
Hey @BrokenBeing, we really want you to find the right support, but if it's too hard to post this again, we can talk through some options for support and help you across Let us know if you need that kind of support right now