28-02-2017 01:10 PM
I caught him out the first time online. The second I found a private email account he had told me he deleted when we met. There we numerous contact emails from women. But the most hurtful were from his ex gf who he had dated for 2 years.. Pictures they had taken together in the most intimate ways were on his email. .... Only thing was. ...it wasn't a girl. A transgender woman. To top it off there were emails from a man I had welcomed into my home and was told he was a friend of my partner's workmate that would help me build a website I was having issues with. I confronted my partner. He was mortified i knew and begged my forgiveness. Some months later I rang his mobile. As luck would have it the mobile auto answered and I over heard him with the website designer having sex. I confronted him. I guess you know by now I forgave him. What's wrong with me? Why am I so stuck on him and feel so needy. I'd be the first person telling friend if this was happening to her to move on. My days are spent crying. My nights are spent crying. HELP ME PLEASE.
28-02-2017 01:33 PM
@So sad I'm really sorry to hear that your partner betrayed your trust like that - it sounds incredibly confronting and upsetting for you. I think that it's pretty normal to forgive the people that we love, even if they have hurt us. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. I hope that you're doing lots of self care right now - what sorts of things do you enjoy doing? Sometimes a hot shower or a short walk helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I know that ReachOut has a bunch of factsheets about relationships - like this one and this one. There's also an organisation called Relationships Australia, I don't know exactly what they do, but they might have services or support that could help you. You can find their website here.
You mentioned that if a friend were in this situation, you would be telling her to move on. Do you have any trusted friends, or counsellors, religious elders, parents, anyone like that who you to talk to about what's going on? It's okay to ask for extra help
I also just wanted to say that it sounds really upsetting for your partner to be receiving those emails from his ex girlfriend, however, transgender women are still women, and it's more respectful towards trans women to refer to them as women who were assigned male at birth or as transgender women, rather than stating that they aren't girls
28-02-2017 01:52 PM
Ty for responding. I agree transgender are still women but the lie of it broke my heart into a million shards and it will never heal.
I have cut myself off from everyone. I have no one I can talk to. I'm embarrassed. I'm hurt. I'm disappointed in myself in life and in people.
How do I mend my heart and my thoughts. . I'm so sad. I've cried an ocean of tears.
28-02-2017 04:59 PM
Hey @So sad,
Yes of course...I can see that feeling lied to would be so upsetting
It's especially difficult when you feel isolated. It must have taken a lot of strength to reach out for help here well done for taking the first step! There are some phone and webchat organisations that you might be able to talk to...eheadspace is for ages 14-24 and they have a phone line, a webchat and an email service that you can talk to - https://www.eheadspace.org.au - and Kids Helpline have a phone line, webchat and email service for people up to 25 - https://kidshelpline.com.au
Can I just say that you write in a very lovely and metaphorical way Maybe writing (short stories, poetry, diary entires, anything really!) could help with some of the emotions you're feeling right now. I know that writing helps me a lot.
Maybe you could start by choosing one self care activity to do for yourself today to feel a little bit better?
01-03-2017 09:47 PM
To be completely honest, I think you are very tough and strong willed to try and forgive him. Is it possible you maybe in your heart you know he too may be struggling with understanding himself?
You are a deeply compassionate and supportive person, it is clear via your attempts to forgive. There must be something that you genuinely love about this person to motivate you to stick it out. As well as personal therapy, have you considered couples therapy?
Some people might find it hard to accept themselves, and therefore telling you the truth of his betrayal is unacceptable to him. He might do anything to hide it. Keep posting here about it though you will always find respect and support among the reachout crowd! Goodluck on your endeavors
06-03-2017 07:26 AM
06-03-2017 07:09 PM
Hi @So sad, thank you for sharing this with us. I can only imagine how painful it must be to know that your partner has cheated/is cheating. Does he understand how it makes you feel? Do you think he'd consider something like relationship counselling, for the two of you to talk it out with someone else there as a mediator of sorts?
I'm sorry he's treating you this way and I'm send you my best wishes!
06-03-2017 10:52 PM
I have know he is aware of how it makes me feel...I tell him often enough about the Trust being eroded away. Whenever I confront him he tries to tell me that I should also consider how he feels. ..ashamed and embarrassed for what he did. He denies being bisexual and the way he tells me what it means to him is too horrible to share on this site. I convinced him for us both to have tests as I believe being unfaithful whether with another woman or man can compromise my or his health. ...and please I don't mean to offend anyone by saying that. I just don't see how after he saw what I went through when I first discovered his infidelity, that he could do it again and again. I can almost understand being curious...but having an on going relationship with me and meeting up with another man every few months for sex is not in my mind being curious. Even as I write this the voice in my head says... what are you doing with him. ...only to have the voice in my heart tell me how much I'm in love with him. I want to tell him if anyone is ashamed it's me, for not having the fortitude to walk away. :-(((
07-03-2017 03:05 PM
Hey @So sad
It sounds like you have tried to talk to him about how you feel and he still continues this behaviour, is that right? Have you ever thought of seeing a counsellor or psychologist just for yourself and try and work out what is best for you with a professional? I know it can be hard when it comes to loving someone, and it might be a good idea to talk to a professional to gain some insight on how to best look after you, as this seems to be causing you a lot of stress and pain.