14-05-2017 04:05 PM
@May_ one, maybe. I don't feel like any of them were good anymore. What I thought I was good at doesn't amount for all the struggles I have to face and how I am going to be criticised and judged my whole life and people are always going to point out the mistakes. And teaching you face all of that from parents everyday. I don't know if I'll be able to handle that. I don't want to. But I don't see myself fitting in any other career. Maybe the past 3 and a half years has been a total waste. I wish I didn't have to have a career. It doesn't feel like it's for me.
14-05-2017 04:59 PM
@mspaceK Having doubts about what you want to do for a living is really really tough Know that you are not alone
Do you think you have learned a lot in the past 3 years? Have you become any wiser? Your thoughts resonate a lot with me. I think it is important to ask yourself these kinds of questions sometimes, as although it might feel like a waste at certain times, which can be extremely distressing, I'm sure you have gained some things from the course.
It seems like your most recent negative experience might be influencing how you think your other placements went. Would reflecting on any positive moments be helpful for you?
14-05-2017 05:21 PM
@May_ It feels like the things I do well don't matter. I'm not good at the part of teaching that really counts. I'm good at building a rapport with student’s but I am not so good at understanding content and explaining teaching points. How can I teach when I struggle with the damn stuff myself?
I feel like my recent mentor has just brought to light my actual capabilities, if not to a certain extent. People don't take me seriously. It's like the things I say have no meaning to people, mostly other adults.
Sigh. Sorry for my negativity. :/
14-05-2017 07:02 PM
Understanding content seems like something that you will get better with more experience and more study. Everyone has areas they struggle with and it hurts when someone kind of draws that out the way your mentor did. Did your mentor give any constructive advice or are there any areas you are thinking you might want to focus on to get better with the content side of teaching?
14-05-2017 07:38 PM
The only constructive thing she told me was having folders for different weeks and tubs. But she kind of assumed that I knew everything or should already at least know it by now.
I can get better at the content side of things, when I collaborate with other more helpful teachers. It's more my anxiety around confronting people and dealing with confrontation and issues when they arise. I just get lost in the moment. I feel like I just make a fool of myself and people see me as some little kid. :/
17-05-2017 09:50 AM
@mspaceK Is there someone else you could ask in the field who could give you more specific advice?
I feel like people see me as a little kid sometimes too... In terms of confrontation, maybe you could look up different techniques for effective communication/assertiveness? I think there are relatively cheap online or face to face courses you could take to help with that too. One technique I like to use when trying to deal with confrontation is an acronym called DEARMAN.
You can find more info about it here
My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe