11-05-2017 05:26 PM
So (this has been going on for awhile) I'm feeling really shit about my life choices. Backstory time, I'm in my second year of a primary education bachelors. And this semester, I've been doing prac. This week, my block prac. (almost to the end!)
Today the uni observer person came and watched and I basically felt like I was being told I'm shit. She complimented me and all that but it was all "oh you need paperwork" and "more organisation" and "where's your lesson plan?". It's not like what she was saying was wrong, because it wasn't. Which means I just feel shit about myself because I can't do crap. I doubt I'll ever be good at most of teachery things and I'm seriously doubting myself. I feel like I'm going to fail everything
11-05-2017 08:36 PM
Hey @N1ghtW1ng thanks for starting the thread. Sorry to hear you're feeling shit about your life choices.. Are there things outside of what's gone on with your placement that have made you feel this way?
In regards to the prac, I think it's good to remember sometimes appointed mentors/seniors in our field's just aren't too strong at constructively communicating to interns/grads. I have been in a similar position in a previous career, it can really shake you. Do you think it is possible the way this observer gave you feedback maybe influenced how you feel overall?
12-05-2017 11:55 AM
Man, that really sucks. Some people can really forget about what it was like to be new and learning. Everyone has things to work on.
You said that the prac observer complimented you, what did they say? It's important to remind ourselves of what we're good at and what we've done well.
You are only in your second year, you still have two years of learning ahead of you to learn all you need to know. Is there a way you can turn around this negative feedback into goals you can make.
"You don't have a very good lesson plan"
"I'll put aside 20 minutes to start working on one, I can ask the teachers at the school I'm doing prac at for good examples or how to put one together".
I'm not sure if that's helpful at all, but I often turn my negative thoughts into goals and things I can change, it could work in this instance. But to even be in the primary teaching course and passing is an awesome achievement.
12-05-2017 04:42 PM
12-05-2017 05:38 PM
@N1ghtW1ng I think (personally) it can be hard to get critical feedback even at the best of times. If we're not overly confident then when there's criticism it can really hurt and actually it takes a while to rebuild confidence. In my opinion, the fact that you're in the course to begin with and made it to this point tells me you have more than half a clue! In saying that, getting negative responses like that still sucks. Like a lot of us here I've had my fair share of criticism and it's almost cost me my career....but then somehow I built myself back up. It helps to have good support and finding a mentor where you can feel safe to ask questions and be 'imperfect' if you get me.
Career/study concerns seem to be a hot topic atm. As a side note, most of us at some point feel like we don't belong in uni or our career etc. They call it 'imposer syndrome' Not sure if anyone has heard of it? @j95 ?
Anyway here's a good little explanation of what it is
Anyway - for now focusing on just looking after yourself tonight i think needs to be the focus
12-05-2017 05:41 PM
(I have heard of imposer syndrome, I think another user mentioned it to me before, because I'm a loser who isn't good at anything)
But I can't relax. I can't just focus on me. I'm sick and I'm tired and I have an assignment due tonight and I'm so lost and it's hard and I'm failing. I can't do "life".
12-05-2017 06:46 PM
@N1ghtW1ng Maybe we can agree to disagree about the idiot comment! I do see what you mean about not focusing on yourself and doing the work. However, my suggestion is to take some mini breaks for self care anyway. Please go easy on yourself.
12-05-2017 09:17 PM
Omg! @N1ghtW1ng. I literally went through the same thing a few weeks ago on my placement block. I'm 4th year and so I'm in my final year of doing placements. I had a 4 week placement block and I absolutely dreaded it. My mentor teacher kept telling me how disorganised I am, that I'm not wearing the right clothes, that I have to push through the work when I was sick and that my preparation was woeful. She spoke to me in a way that made me feel like an idiot. Rather than give me advice on how to improve and giving me encouraging feedback, she just talked me down. She even had the audacity to tell me that I'm probably not in the right career choice and that I'm not going to be a very good teacher. Evertime I asked a question it was like I should have already known the answer, that it is obvious and haven't I learned anything??
She absolutely shattered my confidence and I still feel like I'm not going to be a very good teacher. Sometimes I just don't get things and she made it seem like I need to know everything. She didn't even care when I was sick and was pushing myself to go in when I really should have been home in bed.
I am so angry at her. I am doubting my ability to be a teacher every day now and it's not fair. I love working with kids..at least I used to think I do. I don't know anymore. I can't deal with confrontations and pressure of speaking to parents :/ I just have an anxiety attack nearly every time I have to speak to a parent. And I am so stressed about being able to manage the work load. Yet, I love walking through a school and talking to kids and teens but sometimes I just don't know anymore.
I'm so stressed about having to do my VIT and I haven't even finished my degree yet.
If you ever want to talk about teaching stuff I'm all ears.
14-05-2017 03:03 PM
@j95 you are so good at reframing!!
@mspaceK ah some people are really quite terrible at providing constructive criticism! I'm sorry that your mentor teacher was so critical of you and it seems like their criticism has really taken a toll on your confidence have you had other good placement experiences?