05-03-2017 03:55 PM
Hey @setmefree, sounds like you've had a fair amount thrown at you recently - I think it's completely understandable to be struggling a bit. Could you tell me a bit more about what you're feeling now?
05-03-2017 04:03 PM
the struggle never ends its constant all the time
it just occassionally gets worse. i need a break from myself.
ive done a bit of journalling today and had to SCBS earlier as i wasnt well
05-03-2017 04:07 PM
yeah ive had a fair bit thrown at me and not just with mental health, ive also got a fair whack of physical health issues too and sturggling with friend and family relationships and im starting to wonder if life really is worth living esp with all these conditions.
ive already called the SCBS today to help out with SH thoughts and very strong urges which i manged to get out of the trouble zone. but i still just keep wondering the value of my life
05-03-2017 04:37 PM - edited 05-03-2017 04:37 PM
Glad to hear you've been using some self-care strategies! I can definitely sympathize with the physical health issues (hi, fellow insomniac asthmatic flu patient here. I apologise for the snot that's dripping everywhere, I ran out of tissues yesterday). They're enough of a pain on their own, but when you have to cope with mental illness as well it all just starts feeling like a horrible slapstick joke - like the universe is trying to figure out the limits on how hard it can stack the odds against you.
Reading back over the thread, it seems like you're quite concerned about your own worth, and the value you bring to the world - is that right? If so, I'd just like to reiterate one what Hayley/ @TOM-RO brought up yesterday - about your willingness to put others first and to keep persisting and fighting through the pain even though it's hard. Coming from someone who was able to do neither of those things for a fair chunk of their teens, I think that's really valuable and admirable.
That said, I feel like that's one of those things that's less easily convinced and more easily felt, so I'm not entirely sure how reassuring that that is. You mentioned that you've been struggling a bit with friend and family relationships - could you tell us a bit more about that?
05-03-2017 05:25 PM
over the past few months ive gone through so much that i really dont want to deal with it any more
in the past few months ive gone to see a churopractor and was diagnosed with mild scoliosis, a hip that will never be fully right, neck and back degeneration already, a disk in my neck that buldges and the top of my neck is twisted.
ive been to see a psychologist, psychiatrist and gp whom i see between 1-3 weeks each (gp every week) and was diagnosed with severe ptsd, severe gad, severe depression and insomnia
ive been to a physiotherapist for an old ankle injury but decided to give that uo after a few sessions
now i see an osteopath for both my ankle and my neck issues
i also see a podiatrist and had to get x-rays and ultrasounds done again
i have a naturopath who helps with my suppliment and confirmed insomnia
i have a nutritionist and a massage therapist.
i went to the optomestrist and got a few tests done and they thought there was something wrong with my retina but that turned out to be ok but have to watch out for it later in life. i need glasses esp for reading writing etc abd also with my family histroy could endup with cateracts and/or glaucoma
ive also been told ecently that i need to get my thyroid tested as now that may be out of whack.
ive also been alerted that later in life i may end up with gallbladder problems such as gall stones, kidney/liver problems so now i have to be mindful of that. ive also got to be weary of diabetes as it runs in my family.
yes im question the value of my life and the value i have in this life. and why i should still be here and why is it worth living with so many things to deal with, i also have very minimal support. im always in pain from something and i struggle everyday and its just so hard to deal with all the time! ive just had enough
yes ive been struggling with family and friends.
im very unsupported through my family esp my mum. she doesnt even support me going to see a psychologist so i do everything on my own. literally. my sisters are constantly on my case even though im trying my best but i really am only one person.... they hate me and they jsut expect so much.
my friends ive lost a fair whack of them to the point i only have three and still questioning their friendship and it seems like im the only one who puts in an effort and they only want to hang with me when they need something me when it suits them .
06-03-2017 09:30 AM
Welcome to RO @setmefree :-)
It sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment! Out of everything you mentioned, what is most troubling at the moment? Or what would you like to see resolved first?
06-03-2017 09:43 AM
one of the most troubling things that im finding at the moment is actaully the will to live..
i dont know if i want to go through life wih all these conditions and well looks like its going to be a rough time ahead of me and i dont know if want to end ike that.
06-03-2017 09:51 AM
@setmefree I see how having these conditions would be scary and make you feel that life isn't worth living. Sometimes there are circumstances we can't change or improve and others we can. What if we had a look at what you have mentioned and see what can be changed/improved and how we can do that? Do you think that would make you feel better?