16-03-2017 05:26 PM
Hey @N1ghtW1ng, how are you doing today? How was your spaghetti last night?
It sounds like a really tough day at prac, but reading through it I could see so many positives! You did amazingly well to meet so many new people, do your best to help out the kids in your class, and then look after yourself last night. I'm really really proud of you And did you say one of the girls kept trying to hug you? You must have made a hit!
A couple of years go I had my first prac (with a child care centre) and it was pretty awful tbh. I loved the work, but trying to get all of the theory work done, as well as working full 8 hour days, and being around so many new people was exhuasting. I cried every day, pretty much anytime I got the chance. And I lost my voice on the third day of prac from talking more than I was used to But I ended up making it through and getting graded pretty highly for my practical assignments.
I also know someone who is studying to be a primary school teacher, and she's in her thirties and she finds prac really challenging, too, but who's eventually found it be a really good learning experience. Pracs are overwhelming - I'm guessing you haven't had the experience of working full days as a teacher before! It's a new experience and I think that it's really normal to feel ambivalent and overwhelmed by it all. Hopefully by being proactive and looking after yourself you'll cope way better than sixteen year old me did!
I know that you said before that you've been seeing a psychologist? Would you be able to talk to them about prac and how you're feeling? I'm also pretty sure that your prac supervisor (the class teacher I'm guessing?) is supposed to talk about your experience with you, so if you're having trouble, maybe you could bring it up with them and ask for their advice?
What do you think you could do to help with the physical pain pain of being on your feet all day? I know this is a really tiny thing, but do you have shoes that have good ankle support? That might help your ankles if you have to stand up all day. And is there anywhere in the school where you could chill out for a bit on your lunch break, a quiet break room or an outside space?
I think that you'll make an awesome teacher @N1ghtW1ng, I can see how much effort you've been making lately, not only with prac but with seeing a psychologist and working hard to change jobs, and I think you're really brave
16-03-2017 08:08 PM
I tried study today and failed miserably, my wrist is killing me and the stupid puppy has proceeded to completely tear up our mat, eat through the water bowl (we have a shell pool, the plastic kiddie pools, as well, so it's not like they have no water, their bowl was usually empty anyway because he splashes it all out)
Oh I think the neigbours are playing some music (I can hear distant thumping) and I just give up!
How can I be brave if all I want to do is hide? Someone asked me today if I was alright, be being the person I am said not really and just lots of little things but I started to cry. Someone was being nice to me, they said I can talk to them if I need someone to talk to, and I cried. Pathetic.
I find it really hard to believe that anyone, other than family (because of the existing relationship), would actually be nice to me or like me.
16-03-2017 08:25 PM
I'm sorry it's so hard @N1ghtW1ng I'm sending you hugs right now. Things sound so full on with study, prac, health stuff and your puppy acting up like that! Are you somewhere calm and quiet right now? Maybe you could try some headphones if the neirbour's music is loud?
That's not pathetic at all, @N1ghtW1ng. They were trying to support you and you were honest with them, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm glad you've got someone to talk to. I'm a bit the same, anybody being nice to me tends to make me cry because I don't think I deserve it. But you do deserve it! I know it's really hard to be strong and to be brave when all you want is for things to stop hurting; but sometimes just surviving and letting yourself feel and knowing that one day things will feel better is brave.
What could you do to take care of yourself tonight?
P.S I like you
16-03-2017 08:40 PM
I could be imagining the thumping, which doesn't really help things at all but the best I can do is keep going. I'm really trying, but I don't want to anymore.
I guess, I'm just going to have to leave all this alone tonight and go to bed (after eating, otherwise it'll take me forever to get to sleep)
I should've gone to ju jitsu tonight, at least then I'd of been distracted.
Thank you so much for tonight @DruidChild.
16-03-2017 08:52 PM
I can relate @N1ghtW1ng, pretty sure my headphones are just a permanent part of my ears now. I think that the ones that aren't earbuds aren't as hard on your ears. I hope the thumping stops soon so that you can get some rest!
I know sometimes it hurts so badly just to keep going, but you can do it, I believe in you. Hugs. Eating and then going to bed sounds like a good plan and I hope you can get some sleep. Could you maybe focus on just that one task, getting up and heating up some pizza?
Sometimes it's good to have a break from physical stuff, especially if you're tired. You get to go to ju jitsu again on Tuesday, right?
17-03-2017 12:02 PM
Hey @N1ghtW1ng I think it's good that you were honest about how you were feeling when someone asked you about it. It's totally okay to cry. Everyone does it, and lots of people do it in public (myself included!). I get how easy it can be to engage in those negative judgements about yourself though.
How about we switch it around: what are some of your strengths?
I hope the neighbours weren't playing loud music for too long! How are you doing today?
17-03-2017 12:30 PM
Dad asked how I was (naturally I said no (he asked if I was good)) and then asked if I wanted to talk about it but I don't even know what it is. Mum was much the same.
@letitgo things aren't much better. I'm struggling to shake of the feeling that I (to put it as basic as possible) suck. I have my socio-cultral unit today and it isn't sitting with me. Society is a piece of crap. Which isn't helping my mood but I've had a tight chest for most of the day and I was stupid to think that anyone actually cares about me. What do strengths matter if there's no one but you(as in me) to see them?
I've never been good at things I enjoy, teaching is becoming one of those too.
Also my phone is being really stupid, it won't let me scroll back down to the text box if I scroll up past it. I have top much I have to do and too little motivation and time to do it in.
17-03-2017 12:42 PM
@N1ghtW1ng Glad you got and ate the pizza! I am super proud of you for being able to do that. Ju jitsu on Tuesday again, then? Is that something to look forward to?
I'm concerned you've had a tight chest. Is that anxiety related, do you think? Have you spoken to a doctor about it?
I can empathise with the feeling of having too much to do and not enough time/motivation. If we're taking it one thing at a time, I guess the primary focus for today would be for you to get through this socio-cultural unit. Could you maybe offer yourself a reward, like a piece of chocolate/a coffee or milkshake for after the class?
I think a lot of people would be able to see your strengths. Everyone on here is well aware of your awesome ability to give great support, and your sense of humour. I'm sure your family can see those strengths, and other people too, even if it might not be obvious. The point of that paragraph is basically this: YOU ARE AMAZING!
In regards to the stuff you have to do, if you had to choose one that was most important/had to be done first, which would it be?
And then, how could you go about taking small steps towards getting it done?