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Mod
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎27-11-2016

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

Hey @scared01! Im sorry you aren't feeling comfortable on the forums as we strive to have an avenue where everybody can be as open and honest as possible in an attempt to receive the support they need. 

 

If you dont mind, can I ask you if there are any emotions in particular you feel need the most validation when experiencing this? and again thank you for speaking about this, I can see it's hard for you.

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,122
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

i didnt know thats what i was doing in the first place @Thylacine

so i dont have a clue

i have severe depression, severe gad, severe ptsd, social pbobia and health anxiety so it could be any range of emotions.

its not RO but im not saying which forum it is

 

Mod
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎27-11-2016

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

Okay, I apologise for the miss understanding. You don't need to say if you don't want to Smiley Happy 

 

The only thing I feel I can suggest in terms of this is accepting that you don't necessarily need to be validated by anybody to know what you are experiencing and feeling IS real! I can see that you are really trying to move forward and have certain avenues that will allow you to work through these emotions as best as you can. 

 

Do you find working through these emotions by yourself difficult? 

 

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,122
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

i honeslty didnt know i was doing it in the first place i was just writing what was on my mind at the time.

i know the feelings are real and i wasnt trying to get them validated, i guess sometimes my mouth speaks faster than my brain reacts

but i guess ive been told now, now i need to fix it and i dont know how to do that

how do i validate my own feelings or recognise that whats im writing casue i dont know how to do that?

esp since i didnt know i was doing that to start with

 

Mod
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎27-11-2016

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

Well I believe putting your thoughts in writing is great to clear your mind and assess these things with a bit more clarity. It's something I would encourage as it can be quite therapeutic. 

 

Maybe we can forget the whole validation thing as it seems it came about as a simple mis-read or miss understanding by somebody? Would you be alright with that? If we can find a way to unload these thoughts and emotions without a third party defining the motivation.

Mod
Posts: 1,251
Registered: ‎04-10-2016

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

@scared01 Sorry to hear that your other forums experience has left you feeling uncomfortable. Validating my own feelings is something I've had to learn to do over the years as well, and it can be really tricky to know where to start.

 

I think I began with carrying around a notebook and pen, and when I was feeling something particularly strongly e.g. sadness, shame, guilt, I would write, "It is okay for me to feel that way." And then if I felt up to it I'd write a bit about why I might be feeling that way. But the important thing was for me recognise that I was allowed to feel however I did. Does that make sense? 

My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,122
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

unfortunately it was a misinterpretation @Thylacine 

but id still like to learn to validate my own feelings, i need to move forward and move forward and take their advice on board and do as they suggest which is stop asking for validation.

 

thats where im stuck i have no idea where to start but i think @letitgo might be onto something with the notebook.

but i also journal isnt that knida the same things?

Mod
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎27-11-2016

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

Alright Smiley Happy touching on that, what would that validation look like? what does that mean to you?

 

I would assume so, it sounds like a journal to me which is a great suggestion @letitgo Do you feel like that is something that could work for you? @scared01

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,122
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

i journal everyday @letitgo@Thylacine Smiley Happy

 

validation  to me means that i keep trying to get confirmation on thats what im feeling

and when im upset or distressed my wording it kinda different, i guess everyones the same there becasue im not in the right mindframe to be helping any one else out

ill put my plan up for you so you cna have a look at

Super frequent scribe
Posts: 1,122
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: help me please- validation without realsiing

1. Take a step back-  reduce the amount of time i spend on here. no more forums after a certain time so say 1030-11pm. spend up to one hour in the morning on here  before the day starts  but no logging back on until chores and study is done first. unless in need of abit of advice such as when heading to the psychologist.
 
2. if others are offering advice then take a step back unless asked for opinon as too many helpers can become overwhelming
 
3. stick to just a few threads for now

4. learn to read threads and comments more thoroughly. if i dont understand the comment then ask or leave it until later until in a better headspace or have abetter understanding of what the person is trying to say.

5. if i cant offer advice then maybe dont comment on the thread
 
6. sometimes simple is best- just a like or write name wit a love heart or jsut something really simple

7. give people more space

8. less tagging of people

9. keep the theme to one thread, so keep my depression thread jsut for that- keep my chat thread just for general chat etc etc rather than keeping on changing themes and making it harder for people to catch up.

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