06-04-2017 10:58 AM
Hey @scared01! Im sorry you aren't feeling comfortable on the forums as we strive to have an avenue where everybody can be as open and honest as possible in an attempt to receive the support they need.
If you dont mind, can I ask you if there are any emotions in particular you feel need the most validation when experiencing this? and again thank you for speaking about this, I can see it's hard for you.
06-04-2017 11:02 AM
i didnt know thats what i was doing in the first place @Thylacine
so i dont have a clue
i have severe depression, severe gad, severe ptsd, social pbobia and health anxiety so it could be any range of emotions.
its not RO but im not saying which forum it is
06-04-2017 11:23 AM
Okay, I apologise for the miss understanding. You don't need to say if you don't want to
The only thing I feel I can suggest in terms of this is accepting that you don't necessarily need to be validated by anybody to know what you are experiencing and feeling IS real! I can see that you are really trying to move forward and have certain avenues that will allow you to work through these emotions as best as you can.
Do you find working through these emotions by yourself difficult?
06-04-2017 11:27 AM
i honeslty didnt know i was doing it in the first place i was just writing what was on my mind at the time.
i know the feelings are real and i wasnt trying to get them validated, i guess sometimes my mouth speaks faster than my brain reacts
but i guess ive been told now, now i need to fix it and i dont know how to do that
how do i validate my own feelings or recognise that whats im writing casue i dont know how to do that?
esp since i didnt know i was doing that to start with
06-04-2017 11:42 AM
Well I believe putting your thoughts in writing is great to clear your mind and assess these things with a bit more clarity. It's something I would encourage as it can be quite therapeutic.
Maybe we can forget the whole validation thing as it seems it came about as a simple mis-read or miss understanding by somebody? Would you be alright with that? If we can find a way to unload these thoughts and emotions without a third party defining the motivation.
06-04-2017 11:54 AM
@scared01 Sorry to hear that your other forums experience has left you feeling uncomfortable. Validating my own feelings is something I've had to learn to do over the years as well, and it can be really tricky to know where to start.
I think I began with carrying around a notebook and pen, and when I was feeling something particularly strongly e.g. sadness, shame, guilt, I would write, "It is okay for me to feel that way." And then if I felt up to it I'd write a bit about why I might be feeling that way. But the important thing was for me recognise that I was allowed to feel however I did. Does that make sense?
My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
06-04-2017 11:58 AM
unfortunately it was a misinterpretation @Thylacine
but id still like to learn to validate my own feelings, i need to move forward and move forward and take their advice on board and do as they suggest which is stop asking for validation.
thats where im stuck i have no idea where to start but i think @letitgo might be onto something with the notebook.
but i also journal isnt that knida the same things?
06-04-2017 12:06 PM
06-04-2017 12:42 PM
validation to me means that i keep trying to get confirmation on thats what im feeling
and when im upset or distressed my wording it kinda different, i guess everyones the same there becasue im not in the right mindframe to be helping any one else out
ill put my plan up for you so you cna have a look at
06-04-2017 12:43 PM
1. Take a step back- reduce the amount of time i spend on here. no more forums after a certain time so say 1030-11pm. spend up to one hour in the morning on here before the day starts but no logging back on until chores and study is done first. unless in need of abit of advice such as when heading to the psychologist.
2. if others are offering advice then take a step back unless asked for opinon as too many helpers can become overwhelming
3. stick to just a few threads for now
4. learn to read threads and comments more thoroughly. if i dont understand the comment then ask or leave it until later until in a better headspace or have abetter understanding of what the person is trying to say.
5. if i cant offer advice then maybe dont comment on the thread
6. sometimes simple is best- just a like or write name wit a love heart or jsut something really simple
7. give people more space
8. less tagging of people
9. keep the theme to one thread, so keep my depression thread jsut for that- keep my chat thread just for general chat etc etc rather than keeping on changing themes and making it harder for people to catch up.