01-04-2017 08:31 PM
im so worried about being a bad person. i really want to be good, and i try really hard to be, but i feel like im intrinsically and naturally a bad person and if i let my disguise slip then all my nastiness sneaks out and im horrible. like if i dont think about what i say or think things through im so selfish and rude and vindictive and nasty. and i dont know what to d o about it other than what i already am doing
i guess some context
earlier tonight someone posted in one of my groups what i believed to be a pretty stupid question (i know, theres no stupid questions, etc but..... seriously its something logic or google could have answered, not a makeup and beauty group) anyway i posted a pretty sarcastic and exaggerated response, trying to be a bit funny. and the person got pretty upset, told me i acted that way because of her looks (i dont know what she looked like) and left. so people continued to respond and i continued to be sarcastic. it escalated and i stupidly went along with it.
so thats all set off this reminder that im actually really not a good person. and this happens a lot. i slip up and say hurtful things, i dont realise they hurt and i keep going. then i actually have the nerve to feel bad about it for myself.
i dont even know why im posting it. i feel like its for validation but i really dont think i deserve it
i feel like i should punish myself. this happened last night too i guess i mildly SH but i guess i cant say the method
i dont know
sorry i might delete this later sorry
01-04-2017 09:18 PM
But these things don't make you a bad person. Everyone does things that they regret or wished they didn't do. Just because we keep doing some of these things, doesn't mean that we are bad people, it just means that we make mistakes, because everyone does.
You are a good person. You are wonderful and supportive and personally, I think you're pretty darn great.
01-04-2017 09:28 PM
Hey @ivory you are NOT a bad person. You actually sound like someone's who's quite perceptive and sensitive. Your reaction to that question in the group was not wrong - you didn't think it was a very relevant question and that's totally fine. You're feeling bad now because of how you responded to it and what it led to.
In my experience and observation, it's people who try hard to be kind and caring are the ones who label themselves as 'bad'. I think it's great to be so considerate towards other people but the most important person in the world that we need to be loving towards is ourselves. How are you with that overall? Do you have strategies for taking care of yourself and do you apply them fairly regularly? When we can try to take care of us (and it's a long, slow process, for me at least), then we can be more forgiving towards us AND others. I'm sorry you're feeling so badly about yourself. Is there any self-care you can do for yourself tonight?
01-04-2017 09:31 PM
for the most part i do practice self care but im having trouble getting to the point in seeing that i deserve it
its like i wish i could not keep hecking up you know? like ill go a while without being horrible and then something will happen and its like the universe saying, oh you forgot what youre really like ?
im trying to distract myself by doing assignments and ill probably hassle my partner to watch something with me later on
02-04-2017 09:43 AM
Learning to forgive yourself and take care of yourself is vital. Are you seeing a counsellor? Is there anyone you can talk to about this?
04-04-2017 05:02 PM
Hey @ivory, please know that you are NOT a bad person. Hope you're feeling okay today!
My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
05-04-2017 07:51 PM
Hi @ivory, like many of the other posters here I also do not believe you are a bad person. Everybody slips up sometimes and says/does thing that they later might regret. In a situation like yours, I think it's really easy to go on the defensive when you feel like someone is attacking you and not really even realise what happened until later.
Have you considered speaking to a friend or someone else that knows you well about the situation and seeing what they think? A lot of the times if we have a strong belief (e.g. that you're a bad person) we will often twist events to match our beliefs. It would help to hear a more objective point of view about this.
13-04-2017 12:36 PM
I do ask people and sometimes i think i get annoying because im always like 'am i bad do you think im a bad person oh god im being annoying by asking this im so sorry see this is evidence im a bad person'
but yeah i have trouble believing people like i think theyre lying to me i dont know
13-04-2017 03:57 PM
Do you have any methods/self-talk that helps you to move on when you are caught up on something you've said or done or ways of trying to accept what has happened?