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Builder
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎25-08-2016

on good and bad

im so worried about being a bad person. i really want to be good, and i try really hard to be, but i feel like im intrinsically and naturally a bad person and if i let my disguise slip then all my nastiness sneaks out and im horrible. like if i dont think about what i say or think things through im so selfish and rude and vindictive and nasty. and i dont know what to d o about it other than what i already am doing

 

i guess some context

earlier tonight someone posted in one of my groups what i believed to be a pretty stupid question (i know, theres no stupid questions, etc but..... seriously its something logic or google could have answered, not a makeup and beauty group) anyway i posted a pretty sarcastic and exaggerated response, trying to be a bit funny. and the person got pretty upset, told me i acted that way because of her looks (i dont know what she looked like) and left. so people continued to respond and i continued to be sarcastic. it escalated and i stupidly went along with it. 

so thats all set off this reminder that im actually really not a good person. and this happens a lot. i slip up and say hurtful things, i dont realise they hurt and i keep going. then i actually have the nerve to feel bad about it for myself. 

 

i dont even know why im posting it. i feel like its for validation but i really dont think i deserve it 

 

i feel like i should punish myself. this happened last night too i guess  i mildly SH but i guess i cant say the method 

i dont know

sorry i might delete this later sorry 

Mod
Posts: 12,847
Registered: ‎08-04-2013

Re: on good and bad

@ivory you are not a bad person. I don't know if it will help you much, but I want you to know that you aren't alone in your feelings. There are times where I feel the same thing, that I'm a terrible person because of some things that I've done.
But these things don't make you a bad person. Everyone does things that they regret or wished they didn't do. Just because we keep doing some of these things, doesn't mean that we are bad people, it just means that we make mistakes, because everyone does.

You are a good person. You are wonderful and supportive and personally, I think you're pretty darn great. Smiley Happy
Mod Squad
Posts: 595
Registered: ‎14-05-2016

Re: on good and bad

Hey @ivory you are NOT a bad person. You actually sound like someone's who's quite perceptive and sensitive. Your reaction to that question in the group was not wrong - you didn't think it was a very relevant question and that's totally fine. You're feeling bad now because of how you responded to it and what it led to.

 

In my experience and observation, it's people who try hard to be kind and caring are the ones who label themselves as 'bad'. I think it's great to be so considerate towards other people but the most important person in the world that we need to be loving towards is ourselves. How are you with that overall? Do you have strategies for taking care of yourself and do you apply them fairly regularly? When we can try to take care of us (and it's a long, slow process, for me at least), then we can be more forgiving towards us AND others. I'm sorry you're feeling so badly about yourself. Is there any self-care you can do for yourself tonight?

Builder
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎25-08-2016

Re: on good and bad

for the most part i do practice self care but im having trouble getting to the point in seeing that i deserve it 

 its like i wish i could not keep hecking up you know? like ill go a while without being horrible and then something will happen and its like the universe saying, oh you forgot what youre really like ? 

 

im trying to distract myself by doing assignments and ill probably hassle my partner to watch something with me later on 

Star contributor
Posts: 1,001
Registered: ‎17-01-2014

Re: on good and bad

@ivory you don't sound like a bad person. As mentioned earlier everyone makes mistakes, we all have rough patches and sometimes we all end up doing things we regret. Nobody is perfect. Regretting your mistakes says a lot about you as a person, it means you really do care about people. I remember this phase in my life when I was probably was a really difficult person to be around, deep inside I know I was hurting.

Learning to forgive yourself and take care of yourself is vital. Are you seeing a counsellor? Is there anyone you can talk to about this?
Mod
Posts: 1,251
Registered: ‎04-10-2016

Re: on good and bad

Hey @ivory, please know that you are NOT a bad person. Hope you're feeling okay today! Smiley Happy

My freedom is an agreement with myself. It's an acceptance and love for who I am that isn't dependent on performance or the will of other people - Renee Yohe
Super frequent scribe
Posts: 47
Registered: ‎18-02-2017

Re: on good and bad

Hi @ivory, like many of the other posters here I also do not believe you are a bad person. Everybody slips up sometimes and says/does thing that they later might regret. In a situation like yours, I think it's really easy to go on the defensive when you feel like someone is attacking you and not really even realise what happened until later. 

 

Have you considered speaking to a friend or someone else that knows you well about the situation and seeing what they think? A lot of the times if we have a strong belief (e.g. that you're a bad person) we will often twist events to match our beliefs. It would help to hear a more objective point of view about this.

Builder
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎25-08-2016

Re: on good and bad

I do ask people and sometimes i think i get annoying because im always like 'am i bad do you think im a bad person oh god im being annoying by asking this im so sorry see this is evidence im a bad person' 

 

 

but yeah i have trouble believing people like i think theyre lying to me i dont know

Mod
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎26-08-2016

Re: on good and bad

@ivory I can definitely relate to the feelings you described here. I pretty much constantly worry about the things that I have done and said and whether I have said anything that could have hurt others or if the thing makes me a bad person. I think, although it is painful and really unpleasant to have these worries, it indicates that we have a certain level of self-reflection or self-insight that is really important Smiley Happy ( btw you certainly aren't a bad person judging from all the awesome advice you give on RO! Smiley Happy )

Do you have any methods/self-talk that helps you to move on when you are caught up on something you've said or done or ways of trying to accept what has happened?
Mod Squad
Posts: 1,454
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: on good and bad

I was about to ask the same @May_ grr8888  minds Smiley Happy 

 

Any self talk that works @ivory?

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