07-03-2017 05:44 PM - last edited on 07-03-2017 06:10 PM by Bree-RO
I don't know if this appropriate, mods feel free to edit what you need to.
So mum decided she would call then catch up with me today after uni. Sometimes I can cope with her as I have forgiven her for what she has done to us. But sometimes its hard, today was one of those days.
At first it was sort of ok, but some of the thing she started saying started to get to me. This isnt even what triggered me.
Background- my mother was abusive and is currently in a cult. So a lot of what she says i disagree with.
My mother proceded to gloat about hurting my cousin while she was recently in queensdand helping out my aunt who had had surgery at the time. This really triggered me becuase it got me thinking, does she gloat about what she did to me and my brother, is she happy for all those times she would hit us, or those times when she would yell, insult or everything else she said to us. Is my mother proud of the way she raised us, as in abused us unitl we developed mental illnessses. A lot of what I suffer through today is related to my mother, why does she think its ok for her to have treated us like that. I dont get it.
I dont know how to think about this, it's really unsetting or even how to deal with it.
07-03-2017 06:12 PM
Hey @redhead thanks for sharing this story.. Pretty big of you to catch up with her.
I don't know if this question is too obvious, but is it a possibility to question her directly about whether or not she does gloat about hurting you guys in the past?
How does it feel engaging with her knowing she still is a part of that cult? How do you approach it?
Keen to hear from you, feel free to leave some of these questions til later
p.s. yes just a small edit on one bit of method around your cousin.
07-03-2017 06:22 PM
In regards to mum being in a cult, i tend to approach it by thinking she can believe what she wants as long as she stops shoving it down my throat. i try not to let her beliefs and attitudes affect me because they dont relate to my beliefs or attitudes. i tend to try and brush off what she wants for me because after everything she has no right to a say in my life.
09-03-2017 01:50 PM
Hey @redhead just wanted to pop in and say thanks for sharing this with us. It seems to me like you managed your boundaries really well.
In terms of dealing with it, what do you need to do? Is it just talking through? Do you want to take action to hold your mum accountable? Or is it a case of letting this go?
09-03-2017 02:19 PM
I guess it's a matter of letting it go, it's in the past and I can't change it. I don't want my mum to be held accountable, there is way worse abuse than what I experienced, I know that doesn't mean it's acceptable but I don't think it's sever enough for prosecution, a lot of what happened was emotional abuse rather than physical.
10-03-2017 12:21 PM
@redhead there's a big misconception out there that emotional abuse isn't as bad as other forms of abuse, which I really don't agree with It sounds like you're doing an awesome job at moving on from it though. Did your old therapist give you any strategies that you could use to help 'let go' of this particular incident?
Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.