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Builder
Posts: 9,602
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

triggered (tw domestic violence)

[ Edited ]

I don't know if this appropriate, mods feel free to edit what you need to. 

 

So mum decided she would call then catch up with me today after uni. Sometimes I can cope with her as I have forgiven her for what she has done to us. But sometimes its hard, today was one of those days. 

At first it was sort of ok, but some of the thing she started saying started to get to me. This isnt even what triggered me. 

Background- my mother was abusive and is currently in a cult. So a lot of what she says i disagree with.

Anyway...

My mother proceded to gloat about hurting my cousin while she was recently in queensdand helping out my aunt who had had surgery at the time. This really triggered me becuase it got me thinking, does she gloat about what she did to me and my brother, is she happy for all those times she would hit us, or those times when she would yell, insult or everything else she said to us. Is my mother proud of the way she raised us, as in abused us unitl we developed mental illnessses. A lot of  what I suffer through today is related  to my mother, why does she think its ok for her to have treated us like that. I dont get it. 

I dont know how to think about this, it's really unsetting or even how to deal with it. 

Mod Squad
Posts: 1,469
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: triggered (tw domestic violence)

Hey @redhead thanks for sharing this story.. Pretty big of you to catch up with her.

I don't know if this question is too obvious, but is it a possibility to question her directly about whether or not she does gloat about hurting you guys in the past?

 

How does it feel engaging with her knowing she still is a part of that cult? How do you approach it?

 

Keen to hear from you, feel free to leave some of these questions til later Smiley Happy

 

p.s. yes just a small edit on one bit of method around your cousin. Heart

Builder
Posts: 9,602
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Re: triggered (tw domestic violence)

I dont feel comfortable to approach the topic with her, its hard enough to just talk to her in general.

In regards to mum being in a cult, i tend to approach it by thinking she can believe what she wants as long as she stops shoving it down my throat. i try not to let her beliefs and attitudes affect me because they dont relate to my beliefs or attitudes. i tend to try and brush off what she wants for me because after everything she has no right to a say in my life.
Community Manager
Posts: 5,031
Registered: ‎20-08-2015

Re: triggered (tw domestic violence)

Hey @redhead just wanted to pop in and say thanks for sharing this with us. It seems to me like you managed your boundaries really well.

 

In terms of dealing with it, what do you need to do? Is it just talking through? Do you want to take action to hold your mum accountable? Or is it a case of letting this go?

Builder
Posts: 9,602
Registered: ‎24-04-2014

Re: triggered (tw domestic violence)

@Ben-RO I've mostly dealt with it, I spent a lot of time with my old therapist talking about some of my issues with my mother. I've dealt with a lot of it and as I've said I have forgiven her, but sometimes little things like what happened get to me.
I guess it's a matter of letting it go, it's in the past and I can't change it. I don't want my mum to be held accountable, there is way worse abuse than what I experienced, I know that doesn't mean it's acceptable but I don't think it's sever enough for prosecution, a lot of what happened was emotional abuse rather than physical.
Mod
Posts: 7,560
Registered: ‎10-08-2012

Re: triggered (tw domestic violence)

@redhead there's a big misconception out there that emotional abuse isn't as bad as other forms of abuse, which I really don't agree with Smiley Sad It sounds like you're doing an awesome job at moving on from it though. Did your old therapist give you any strategies that you could use to help 'let go' of this particular incident?

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