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Contributor
Posts: 1,693
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

who am i- may trigger

so ive been through some traumatic events and i feel it has changed me but in the process ive lost who i am and i dont know how to get 'me' back

im having alot of trouble moving forward and i dont even know where to start

ive been diagnosed with complex ptsd, health anxiety, social phobia, severe depressio and severe GAD as well

 

i was sexually abused when i was abit yonger and its still affecting me and i still ahve troubles coming to terms that it was my fault.

ive witnessed my youngest sister get attacked by a dog and i still blame myself for it

for both of events i still get flashbacks and visons of lookin ahead as well as alot of emotions around these mixed in with depression and the other anxieties as well

 

Contributor
Posts: 1,693
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: who am i- may trigger


 
im a carer for my pop and also a primary carer for my two younger sisters and i also have another small paying job  which is horse holiday care.
im also studyin as well and its coming to the end of it now as well.
 
i recently lost my nan and i was a carer for her as well before she passed and towards the end she was in a really bad way and these memories still haunt me

ive also got mild scoliosis and that is enough to cause pain, a few torn ligamanets that may never heal and if they do they will still casue me pain
i had a disk in my neck that is damaged from a horse fall and it casue s me pain and wont full heal but all i can do is continue pain management and treatment

i dont have any friends outside the forums and  i dont have the support of my family either which makes me feel like a total dissapointment and a looser

not that long ago i =ve had to get glasses and also have to keep getting my eyes checked as they thought my retina was going so thats fun

i recently had to have pelvic and abdominal exams and ultrasounds as my gp thinks i have a condtion thats casuing lack of periods as i ahvent had them for almsot 2 months now and showing other symptoms as well and they wanted to do std testing from my past as well
im at my gp at least every week and this week alone ive gone 3 times already

i dont know who i am anymore, i dont know how to rediscover myself. i dotn know how to move forward and i dont know where to go from here

Mod Squad
Posts: 1,745
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: who am i- may trigger

Hey @scared01 a lot going on huh.. You've really put in a great deal of work in supporting other people with their health.

 

Sounds like you've got your own health to look after now, as well as your mental health - definitely feeling for you and sending you a massive virtual hug. Heart

 

Again, I think it's super important to find an effective counsellor and work with them ongoing, especially as you're not a fan of helplines. No one should have to sit with this alone, you deserve to get better and start feeling good Smiley Happy 

Contributor
Posts: 1,693
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: who am i- may trigger

Im trying to find one @Bree-RO ive applied for sexual abuse counselling and if i get it i get a few free sessions
Mod Squad
Posts: 1,745
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: who am i- may trigger

Oh that's great @scared01 well done on getting that organised Smiley Very Happy

Contributor
Posts: 1,693
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: who am i- may trigger

Thanks @Bree-RO

Oh btw i will answer that other thread just not tonight im.not in the right headspace to answer properly
Mod Squad
Posts: 1,745
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: who am i- may trigger

Totally fine @scared01 (also props on exercising some self care right there!). Heart

Contributor
Posts: 1,693
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: who am i- may trigger

Its that time of the night @Bree-RO
I always seem to feel more sick at night
And im worried im going to fail my exam on wednesday
And what if my ultrasound results are bad
What is the swabs are bad
What if i have to go for a blood test i cant do that im.too scared
Im scared @Bree-RO i dint want any more bad results
Mod Squad
Posts: 1,745
Registered: ‎23-09-2016

Re: who am i- may trigger

Heya @scared01 that's a lot of what if's. Try and take it easy on yourself, remember at night we tend to perceive things a lot worse than they are.

 

Remember to try and challenge that negative thinking and put it into perspective.

 

i.e. What if tomorrow my results are bad... What if tomorrow my results are fine.

Contributor
Posts: 1,693
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: who am i- may trigger

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