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Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

soz, I just realized I type V long replies - should I make them shorter for everyone?

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

@inez1800RESPECT I think they're a fine length! There's nothing wrong with having a lot to say 😁

That's a great point about starting conversations about boundaries in another way, if the first way doesn't work! I've been very frustrated in the past and, admittingly, rather unforgiving when people aren't respecting my boundaries. There's definitely something more 'official' and confrontational when talking face-to-face, and people understand information in different ways... thanks so much for sharing! 😃

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

@inez1800RESPECT   Well done for standing up for yourself. Smiley Happy

I've had to have a few conversations like that myself. Once, one of my male friends told me to change something about my appearance and while he thought it was 'just giving advice', I got really offended and annoyed. I had to explain why I didn't appreciate it a few times before he understood and we ended up moving past it.

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

@inez1800RESPECT Boundaries are so important and you're right - it can take time to learn what they are. Basing them around your values is a good place to start, thank you for sharing that with us Heart 

 

Also, I'm glad to hear you were able to speak up in what sounds like an uncomfortable situation to be put in. Communicating boundaries is an important skill to have!

 

What advice would you have for young people who haven't set boundaries with friends or partners before? 

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

ugh, I just got annoyed for you @WheresMySquishy !  glad you got to stand up for yourself and he heard and understood.  go you!

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

@WheresMySquishy I have had literally the same situation with a friend! I found it so weird that I had to explain that it wasn't okay to point things out about my appearance. Good on you for speaking your mind! Smiley Happy 

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

this is such a great question to consider.  of course, we have to practice setting boundaries and it takes us time to figure out what our values are and what we want out of relationships ie. we all want some relationshisp that are close, others that might be a bit lighter/ fun, and some that have intimacy and touch while others not so.  go easy on yourself - it takes a fair bit of trial and error.  I always start with - what do I like to do on my own and how much time do I like on my own.  if someone is stopping me from doing those things, then I need to put in a boundary ie. if a new friend/ partner starts constantly texting me or asking what i'm doing, that interrupts me from what I was doing.  so that's one boundary I always set early.  like hey, I really like how our relationship/ friendship is evolving but I also need time away from my phone etc, so I always ask my friends to give me time to reply or understand that I might not get back to them for a day or two.  I also think about what is private to me ie. I wouldn't tell a new friend or partner too much about my desires as they are private.  i'd also want to suss out their values and other relationships - how they treat others, before I started confiding in them too much.  

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

That is really useful advice and agreed that this stuff is trial and error - so it's important to be gentle with yourself when working it out Heart We have spoken a bit about friendships and romantic/sexual relationships but now we're going to talk a little bit about family relationships. 

 

We had the following question about how to navigate a situation with their mum... 

 

I’m 15 and earlier this year, I came out to my mum.  She said it was just a phase.  I’ve started seeing someone and I really want to invite her over, but I don’t know how to bring it up again.

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

i'd also add, relationships are about reciprocity (my favourite word btw!), so it's important to ask your partner/ friend about what their boundaries are and what you need to know about their values so you continue to treat each other respectfully.

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

A great point to add @inez1800RESPECT!