cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

Ugh it is so frustrating when parents not only dismiss mental health problems, but also physical health problems. Mum used to say hurtful things in the past about pain I was experiencing- that it was in my head, and that I was wasting money on going to doctors. Well she still kind of says that stuff but not as much. Stuff like that is so hurtful ugh Smiley Sad

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

Glad you're doing alright @Hozzles  and everything appeared normal. Hope things go ok at the GP tomorrow. 

I also have to echo what you're saying about the power of a car chat, I feel it can be such a good environment for big talks about feelings.

 

I think setting those boundaries take a lot of practice @Janine-RO - but I think I'm getting better at it ! Having practiced being assertive has definitely helped Smiley Happy

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

@Janine-RO for sure, normal face-to-face conversations can be so intimidating. I also regularly text/ message my mum if anything was concerning, I've been doing that since I was a child. Even though we live in the same house, it just makes communicating so much easier. 

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

Nice to meet a fellow restless legger @Hozzles! Smiley Tongue It is a bit of a weird condition and it's hard to explain it to people. I've heard that it's genetic, but I don't know anyone else in my family who has it. I only know one other person with it but they had a family history of it.
Those seizures sound concerning! Smiley Sad I hope you get relief from them. When I had pain in my side from my kidney stones, my parents were dismissive and my mum told me to go by myself to hospital, so I did. Then they got annoyed because I went by myself. Smiley LOL They told me later that my dad and grandpa also had them, but they were in a lot more pain than I was despite me being worse than them so they didn't think it was that serious. My urologist just put it down to me being young.

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

I'm so sorry to hear that @Lost_Space_Explorer5  Smiley Sad I think pain, and chronic pain especially, is something that is still so widely misunderstood.. I had chronic pain (something called chronic regional pain syndrome) after a bad injury to my hand years ago, and it was absolutely shit. In a weird way I was lucky because it got worse very quickly with some visible changes so I was able to get the right treatment and ended up making a full recovery - but at first, I definitely got the impression that people thought I was exaggerating/ making it up. That sounds so hurtful for you and I'm glad that your mum doesn't say that as much to you now. Chronic pain is enough of a bitch without also having to deal with that Smiley Sad 

__________

Check out our community activities calendar here

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

I'm a bit of a mean mum and my daughter's only allowed a 'dumb' phone @Hozzles  (a super oldschool Nokia haha) but she's the same, and we will often text when we're both at home . I'm already starting to see how valuable it is having multiple ways of communicating - we also write letters to each other sometimes. 

__________

Check out our community activities calendar here

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

@WheresMySquishy haha, that's the worst when you have a problem but only find out later there's a family history of it! One of my eyes started turning in sometimes, and after I got it looked at my mum told me that actually, my grandma had surgery to fix a similar problem as a child, and so did my grandma's sister! There's also a lot of mental health conditions in my family that I only heard of later. It just answers so many questions, and it kind of feels better when you know it's genetic (at least for me, it's kind of like... ah, nothing much I could have done if I'm built this way! Smiley Tongue). 


Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

That is so cool you and your daughter write letters to each other @Janine-RO ! A lost art, some may say!

 

Let's get onto NEW Q about managing our reactions and feels.

 

How do I stop losing my temper with my parents and doing things which i'd later regret?

(this is one solution for temper control)

Kids Money GIF

 

 

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

@Hozzles  Hahaha I hate when my parents only mention 'critical' information after the appointment. Smiley LOL Doctors were asking me if there was a family history of kidney stones and I kept having to say, 'Not that I know of'. Turns out, the family history was very strong and I was told I had them to thank for this. I was unlucky to inherit a lot of different conditions from my family members.
My family also has a history of mental health conditions. I feel like it's kind of hard to open up to my family members because they have their own issues and I don't want to make them feel worse.

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

So sorry @Hannah-RO , I somehow totally missed that one! Classic GIF too!!

 

How do I stop losing my temper with my parents and doing things which I'd later regret?

 

I think the fact that you’re asking this question is huge!! I was also guilty of losing my temper at my parents quite a bit – sometimes really simple things like deep breathing can be really helpful. Learning how to breathe properly into my diaphragm and slowing it right down was a total game changer for me, it’s definitely something  you need to practice though.

 

In my house, we sometimes find it’s much better to end a conversation if everyone is getting really upset, and people can go for a quick walk/ have some time to themselves, and pick things up again when you’ve calmed down. Sometimes we’ll literally say “I’m feeling really upset and angry at the moment and I need to calm down, can we talk about this again later?”. Going for a run / playing sport / yelling in to a pillow can all be really good ways to get those feelings out, without directing it towards other people.   It can also help to look at when you tend to lose your temper, and what might be behind it.  

__________

Check out our community activities calendar here