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Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

omg @Lost_Space_Explorer5 that is so cute !!! What a lovely way to frame what good MH workers should do.

scared the lorax GIF

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

Thank you for that very comprehensive answer @Janine-RO that info is absolutely vital Heart

We have talked tonight about how sometimes parents/guardians/carers don't always show support in the best way...

 

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Which leads us to our NEXT Q

Why does my parent blame me all the time?

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

Hehe Smiley Tongue @Hannah-RO lorax.jpg

 

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

Wow, I didn't know about some of that info @Janine-RO!
Sometimes, my parents can be really nosy when it comes to my health. My mum gets annoyed when I talk to a doctor by myself and don't ask the 'important' questions (according to her) so she insists on going to most of my appointments. My dad also wanted to know what I was saying to my psychologist, but I didn't want him to know and luckily my psychologist didn't disclose anything to him.

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

It is such a shitty feeling when your parents seem to be blaming you for everything, and I think it’s something that can happen for a whole lot of reasons Smiley Sad

 

Sometimes it may be because of things that are going on in their own life – they may be struggling to cope, stressed out, or exhausted, and sometimes it can be easy to jump down someone else’s throat in those circumstances. Sometimes it can be miscommunication – I know that I have definitely stuffed up sometimes as a parent and thought that I’ve been clear about something when I haven’t, and then ended up blaming my older kid for things I assumed that she should already know! It can sometimes be helpful to look at what issues are causing these problems – so, is it around household jobs/ keeping things clean? In my family we found it helped a lot to write down lists of house rules/ chores so that everyone’s on the same page and stuff doesn’t get forgotten.

If it’s about bigger things, I’d say the first step would be talking about how what they are saying makes you feel, and focusing on what’s in your control, vs what’s not. If you feel like you’re being blamed for things that are out of your control, it’s totally ok to say that! 

 

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Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

That kind of reminds me of how my psychologist told me that she sees a lot of parents who are stressed out at work and then take it out on their family @Janine-RO.

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

I don't know about yáll but I am learning a lot about parenting tonight!

Dad Popcorn GIF by SkinnyPop

 

 

 

Keen to get your thoughts on this @Janine-RO and everyone participating...

 

What can you do if your parents behaviour has a negative impact on your mental health?

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

@Janine-RO wow! Such a good resource with such important info!! 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 that's such a cute analogy, I love it, haha. Smiley Tongue

Ahhh I feel that so much @WheresMySquishy! My mum insists on going to most of my appointments, too. It's so hard sometimes, because I'd like her to be aware of what's going on... but privacy and confidentiality is important. 

Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

What can you do if your parents' behaviour has a negative impact on your mental health? 

How do you tell your parents that you don't like them making fun of something you like (or just in general upsetting behaviors that make someone feel uncomfortable, or teasing about something that you hate them teasing you about), without them getting offended but in a way that actually makes them stop?

 

Yep ,this is a really tough one  . Depending on how old you are, part of this can be about setting boundaries, and letting them know how certain things are affecting you. Sometimes getting it out on paper and writing them a letter about what’s affecting you can be really therapeutic, even if you don’t end up sending the letter.  Maybe you need to set aside alone time, and time for self-care, or remove yourself from high conflict situations. Focus on what you can control, and what helps you to keep your mental health on an even keel.

 

If your parents are making fun of you, or upsetting you, I think it is totally ok to set boundaries with your parents about stuff like this – but I definitely hear you with not wanting to offend someone, or have them ending up getting really defensive. I’ll be honest and say I’ve been guilty of this myself as a parent, and I’m actually really grateful my daughter called me out on it – but in the moment, I also probably got a bit defensive, because I hadn’t intended to hurt her feelings.  Then I realised it didn’t actually  matter- because I HAD. In the tradition of the great reddit, AITA (one of my favourite trashy reads sometimes!), I was the arsehole. 

 

I do like the approach of trying to frame things pretty specifically if you can, and try and let them know how their behaviour makes you feel. So, “when you’re looking at your phone when I’m talking to you, it makes me feel like you don’t care about what I’m saying”, or “I know that you’re not trying to hurt my feelings, but when you tease me it makes me feel really sad”.  Again, I reckon that learning how to communicate assertively is such an important life skill!!

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Re: Ask A Pro Live: Opening Up To Parents

Hahaha I love that subreddit @Janine-RO! Smiley LOL