[SPECIAL GUEST] Self injury: riding the wave of distressed emotions

[MiaMouse1]

What do other people do to cope with feelings of wanting, but also not wanting at the same time, to self harm? I  draw little birds on my wrists to help me. 

[stonepixie]

I feel rather odd answering the blokey question because I've never had to conform to that stereotype. But I guess being the advocate that I am, I would probably delve into a conversation about mental health.

[Ben-RO]

Here was the question again:

I work in trade and there's the whole blokey culture, what

am I supposed to say when someone asks me about the

scars? It's clearly self harm scars but if I'm honest about them

I'll be disowned and friendless...

@SarahS answered

That is a tough situation. It is completely up to you as to

whether or not you disclose that your scars are from self-harm.

You could say “I prefer not to talk about it” or “none of your

business” and change the subject. You could also just ignore

the question and immediately ask a question in response (e.g.

colleague says “where did you get that scar from?” and you say

“what time is the xyz job” or “how is your wife”). Your colleague

will get the picture that you don’t wish to talk about it, and if

they are a respectful person they will not push. If you come

across a person who might badger you about it, there is nothing

wrong with making up a story: “when I was ten I fell through a

window” (or something similar depending on the location of the

scars).

[SarahS]

@MiaMouse1 Little birds sounds lovely. Thats a new one for me! There is also distraction, self-care, mindfulness, acceptance... Pros and cons can be very helpful - making sure you list both short term and long term ones. Writing a pros and cons in advance is good when you are in the moment when your brain won't function well enough to thinking of reasons not to self-injure

[lanejane]

if anyone asks me about scars on my body or even my tattoos and i dont want to talk about it i just say "it's private" or "it's personal"

if i want to talk about it a little bit its more like "oh that was from a while ago when i wasn't feeling well"

or i might just say "they are self harm scars" because i mean... yo... that's what they are. and from there you can either talk more about it or just stop and say you'd rather leave it there!

[j95]

@SarahS I feel like it's not genuine interest, it's just something to pick at, they just ask me what happened to my leg and I think it's obvious so asking questions is pretty unnecessary. Even though I say something smart their questions make me feel really shit actually and i find myself covering them up or wearing longer shorts to avoid being asked anything else.

[SarahS]

@lanejane Sounds like your response depends on the person asking and the situation. Good thinking

[Ben-RO]

And now it's time for the next question:

What can you do when normal methods of delaying self harm don't work like drawing on your skin or using rubber bands? Cause in the moment I'm not really thinking about what else I can do... My head is a mess and I get all flustered so alternative methods aren't really on my mind 

What are some alternatives to self-harm? 

[lanejane]

@j95 i'm sorry that you feel like you have to cover up to avoid i that's shitty. its so hard

iwish we could have some sort of public set of rules for when we talk to people so they know boundaries without us having to talk about it.

like seriously though. a little board thats like "dos" and "donts"

[j95]

Sometimes I feel like I need a sign on my head that says DO NOT ASK. @lanejand 😔