[Special Guest] Stephanie from Sane Australia on Life with Borderline Personality Disorder

[letitgo]

That leads really well into our next question!

For those of us who aren't so familiar with it, can you tell us a bit about DBT and how it helped you?

[Ben-RO]

Hey @Steph_SaneAustralia what's emotional invalidation? And what can we do about it? 

[Steph_SaneAustralia]

Emotional invalidation is the worst! Haha so basically it's when someone is having a hard time, telling them to "snap out of it" or things like that. Basically making the person experiencing those emotions feel like their distress doesn't matter. It can make them feel really isolated and ashamed, and confused and will most likely amplify what they're already feeling. When someone is having a hard time, try to sympathise with what their saying and really listen. Something that might not be a big deal for you, might be for someone else. Just remember everyone experiences things differently.

[Ben-RO]

For those of us who aren't so familiar with it, can you tell us a bit about DBT and how it helped you?

My partner for a long time lived with BPD, doing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy gave them the words to help me understand what was happening for them and it gave us the tools to work through it together. I wouldn't say i'm an expert on it, but as far as i understand it's a whole lot of skills for managing the huge stress and hurt, skills to use when you're learning to understand what happened after a "melt-down" and also skills for communicating how you're feeling what you need and healing and forgiving. Anyway i think it's amazing and I kind of think everyone should do it regardless of whether or not they're living with BPD!

[letitgo]

I just HAD to answer this question because I could spend my whole life preaching about emotional invalidation. To my understanding, it is when a person's feelings (or thoughts, opinions etc.) are mocked, ignored, dismissed or rejected by the people around them. Chronic invalidation can often lead to individuals invalidating their own emotions e.g. thinking that they shouldn't feel sad or angry or however they feel.

For me, one of the things I learned to do when someone else was invalidating me was to pause and take a few deep breaths before responding, and to separate what they were saying from what I know to be true, which is this: I have every right to feel the way I do. My feelings do not have to be the same as anybody else's, and I am allowed to express my emotions however I need/want to.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this @Steph_SaneAustralia

[roseisnotaplant]

Hey guys! Didn't realise a chat was on tonight (I haven't been online for a while. Well, two days. Anyways). But I'm here now

[Steph_SaneAustralia]

@letitgo what you said about emotional invalidation is spot on!

[khaleesi_18]

@Ben-RODBT sounds super interesting and a really powerful technique to help to strengthen relationships and increase understanding I'm defs going to check it out.

[scared01]

to me self care is just doing the things to look after yourself as well as the things as you enjoy such as having a shower, going for a walk, eating healthy, hobbies, taking care of pets. things like that

the coping strategies are the hardest thing for me and i havent found a whole load that work but one thing is removing myself from a situation, doing some art, going for a drive- depending on headspace and listening to music

[scared01]

emotional invalidation is the worst thing ever!!!! not just for people with BPD but anxiety, depression and phobias!

every emotion is real, some are just more extreme than others and some are more senitive to things the other people are