Thank you so much again for having me, always an absolute pleasure.

I hope you all gain something from this AMAA and thank you again for the questions and your bravery in asking them!!

See you in 2022!! 

From me and the whole ReachOut family - have a wonderful festive season @GuestPsychologistRD and we look forward to catching up with you in the new year 😊

I would say that you are most probably right and show great insight in recognising that there are certain things that they may not understand about you due to their own experiences, upbringing and cultural background. 

I would reflect and focus on if they try to understand you versus if they don't understand you and don't make an effort to understand you.  

I would consider using other family members or community members that may help you and them to understand each other better.

I would consider seeking out a therapist who might be from the same or similar cultural background who may also be able to support you in getting understood by them.

I would focus on the people in your life you do feel really understood by and using them for times when you need to be heard and seen in ways that feel supportive. 

Seeking a therapist from the same or similar cultural background is a great idea! 

We have an article I thought might be helpful to share here as well - Conflict between family and culture.

This is a super difficult situation to be in.

I'm sorry you have to consider how to handle this versus being able to fully enjoy and immerse yourself in this relationship.

I guess a large part of this answer would be determined based off of why it is they don't like your partner.

Without knowing why it is, I would remember that you are in the relationship, not your parents.  

I would consider that what they may not like about him may be to do with their values, which may not be aligned with your values.

Often our family or people around us may not like our choice in partner or anything we do due to a differing values / and lifestyles. This doesn't make our choices 'bad' or 'wrong' just different to theirs. 

I would spend time reflecting on all of the reasons you have chosen this person as your partner, the way they make you feel, the life you have created together, the future goals you may be planning to reach together and check in about if they are aligned with your values versus your parents. 

I love what you said about making sure your values align with your partner versus your parents. It's a difficult situation to be in, but I hope this community member feels comforted by this response. Always welcome to share more with the community as you navigate this 😊

Sorry I wrote 'him' instead of 'them' above! 

That sounds like it would be so tough and of course you would be feeling like crap. 

I think this experience would make anyone feel like crap but i would be curious to know if there is any thing in particular about it making you feel worse, as that may help determine what you could do about it.

I would try to create some space between yourself and having to hear or witness this by creating boundaries in the form of spending extra time in your room or bathroom / car if needed.

I would consider that parents have inner worlds and lives that we are at times not privy too, and depending on what they are arguing about remembering that parts of their arguing could be due to things you are unable to make sense of. - This may not make it feel any less hurtful to hear or witness, and you should never have to be on the receiving end of having to hear or witness them argue - but it may add some nuance to the fact our parents have their own worries and stressors and relational dynamics that we might not always know about. 

I would spend time with people you love and care about and that you know love and care for you too.

I would go and spend time with friends and other adults that you trust and like to be around.

I would engage in your hobbies and self-care. 

Over-all i would remember that you have people out there who will help support you through this and there is hope always.

Thank you for this caring response @GuestPsychologistRD 

Tuning out of the fighting, if possible is helpful (headphones on with your favourite music or TV/movies is one way of doing it!) 

And lots of quality time with people who make you feel happy is important too.

That sounds super tough and sounds like a difficult position to be in. 

I would consider if there is any room for compromise around spending time with both friends and family in order to still see family that you have not had a falling out with. 

If this doesn't feel possible then remembering your 'why' - as in the why you are choosing to spend the holidays with friends rather than family and keeping that at the forefront of your mind.

Your families reaction may cause you to doubt your decision, so the why will be important to remember. 

This response is a well-balanced way to approach things. Remembering your "why" is a great thing to do in a whole range of situations!! 

I always keep my "why" for certain things at the forefront especially when the seed of doubt gets planted in some way!

A huge takeaway from this chat, for me! Thank you 😊

Yes another great one! 

I'll do my best as there will be many things impacting a family dynamic.

I would say that the things that impact family dynamics can be things such as how many people are part of that family, culture, race, ethnicity, religion, beliefs, values, mental health issues, mental illness, physical health issues, finances, language, politics. socio-economic factors, sexuality, gender and a whole bunch more. 

ultimately whatever can impact us as an individual person can affect the family dynamic as a family is made up of individual beings who then have their own dynamics and relationships amongst themselves. 

It will also include things such as our likes and dislikes, what we do for fun, what job we have, what we study, our pesonality type, our neurodiversity.. 

This is a great list of some of the factors that influence family dynamics. If anyone has anything to add to the list, please do!