The last time I stood up for myself was…
Standing up for ourselves can be one of the hardest things to do. Whether it’s in the moment or afterwards, we know that something isn’t right and we need to speak up.
When we stand up for ourselves, we’re prioritising what matters to us and our wellbeing. Even if it isn’t responded to in the way we hope, we should always commend ourselves for taking that step towards looking after ourselves.
Today is the National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence. So we want to know: when was the last time you stood up for yourself? Whether it’s at work, school, or someone getting your food order wrong, what did you do to support yourself?
Comments
the other day actually.
im not sure whether it would be considered standing up for myself however I told my mother I did not want to go to anymore protests to which she responded "what if you get locked out of places" I said "oh well, I don't even go out anyways". That shut her up.
Hey @gay_disabled_human thanks for opening up about what happened with your mother. It sounds like you were able to close the conversation pretty quickly which is a positive, and the fact you've drawn a line with not wanting to go to any more protests is admirable. I was just wondering what you meant when she said "what if you get locked out of places"? Was she implying that you might be locked out of somewhere in particular?
@Stormy-RO I love this post!! 😍
The last time I stood up for myself was when I was establishing boundaries with a co-worker who was a bit nosy and judgemental. Usually, I'm the type to people please and give an answer to her interrogative questions, but I realised that it was draining my own energy and time and that I deserved to work in an environment that felt safe.
To stand up for myself, I would ask a follow up question to her questions and play 'dumb'. The question I would ask is 'What do you mean by that?' 'I'm struggling to understand where you're coming from, would you be able to explain what you mean?". By asking these questions, it left her feeling embarrassed because she had to explain the reasoning behind her questions and her intentions. I would defintely recommend this if you're not wanting to create more conflict because she stopped bothering me afterwards because she knew she wasn't going to get a reaction from me! Establishing boundaries can be so tricky but it's worth it in the long run because YOU matter the most. 💛
Hi @Lilac_Elk thanks for sharing your story. You definitely deserve to be in a workplace that is safe and not draining for you. The fact you've set a boundary with this coworker is really commendable, and your method of stopping the conflict by asking for clarification and making your coworker more self-aware is useful advice! I'm really glad it worked out for you 😊
This is a great idea! @Stormy-RO
The last time I stood up for myself was last Thursday. So I've been using these skincare products (to get rid of my skin condition) since the start of this month and still am using them until my skin is completely cleared hopefully in a couple more weeks if not months. So basically these products have a smell/scent to it and I usually apply them when I'm in my room? So like whenever my mum comes into my room, she can easily notice the smell so at that point she knew that I was using something that she knew (in her opinion) that I wasn't suppose to use - actually she didn't want me to use any products out of fear that it can make my skin worse.
So when she started suspecting that I was using something I had to defend myself by lying to her saying that I don't even use anything etc. Etc. because I didn't want her to start suspecting that I was actually using something to the point where I needed to keep defending myself.
Anyways, later on during that day I decided that I should tell her the truth about the fact that I've been using steroid creams this whole time (before I moved on to using the products that I'm using now which are thankfully non-steroid ones of course) so that her and I won't need to get into a fight anymore, and also so that she won't have to think that it was because of the "foods" she thinks I've been eating.
Plus during this whole time (until the day I had to tell her about the truth), she noticed that the areas on my skin disappeared and then reappeared from time to time so she thought that it was because of the food she thought that I ate this whole time (when it isn't, it was actually because I've been using steroid creams) and at that time we would get into a fight many times.
Initially she didn't want me to use steroid creams even though I had to keep hiding them from her until recently I found out that using steroid creams especially for a long period isn't good for your body in the long run etc. so I knew I had to stop using them completely and throw them in the trash.
And that's when I turned into using the non-steroid products that I'm now grateful for and that I'm glad that I've been able to discover with 4 weeks ago!
During my talk with her, I had to tell her that the products I'm using now have 100% natural ingredients in them as well as the fact that many many customers that have bought these products have gotten the best results from using them and that she needs to allow me to use them if she wants my skin to be cleared especially in a short period of time. Since then, she has now accepted it! It feels like a huge relief having to tell her everything that I've been hiding from her this whole time because if I kept holding it in then obviously it's gonna create more continuous anxiety for me. So I'm glad that I was finally able to do so. It definitely wasn't easy for me to do this at all but it was worth it at the end!
Way to go @Blueberries !
Thank you for sharing your important moment in standing up for yourself. It was great to read your account of how you were able to let go of the anxiety that had been building up for a while.
I sure hope you get relief for your skin condition 🙂
Hi @Stormy-RO
I think this is a fantastic way to reflect and remind ourselves that we are strong and resilient.
To be honest, I am someone who tends to speak up often in many situations. However, I do have my moments where I am experiencing high levels of anxiety and am afraid to speak up and stand my ground. This can be frustrating as I never correct my meal or say what was needed to be said etc.
Nevertheless, the last time I stood up for myself was during an argument with my partner (He consented to me sharing this story). We often have discussions and disagreements, but rarely an argument. During our argument, his emotions were very intense at the time and my reaction to how he was acting made me laugh. This was completely unintentional and was rude, and I know it made him feel awful but I truly couldn't help myself and busted out laughing. It was like a cause-and-effect moment, as he was expressing his thoughts with such anger it just caused me to laugh. His instant reaction was to tell me to F-off, not once but twice.
Once things calmed down, I apologised for laughing instead of showing empathy and support. After further explanation and apologies, I expressed how I did not appreciate being told to F-off as it is disrespectful and I won't tolerate disrespect. The one thing my partner and I do is refrain from insulting each other during arguments as not only are we adults, but we know how hurtful words can be particularly during heated moments when we're already emotional, and how disrespectful it is. Thus, I made sure to mention my boundaries (disrespect and insults to name a few) again and in doing so, I received a sincere apology and accountability. Therefore, I was able to speak up and express that he passed a boundary and it will not be ignored or taken lightly. Safe to say that I don't think he will be telling me to F-off again anytime soon lol.
Hey @Love_and_Light I'm glad you enjoy this topic! It's great to hear that you're the kind of person who is willing to stand up for yourself. There are always some situations which are easier than others to confront. You can always work towards standing up for yourself next time.
I really appreciate you opening up and sharing this experience you had with your partner with his consent. It sounds like it was a big miscommunication which led to some hurt on both sides. The fact that you not only responded by being apologetic for what you did wrong, but also by affirming your boundaries in the relationship is really admirable. Accountability is such an important part of an apology and I'm glad you two were able to resolve this issue. I hope you were able to do something happy together afterwards to look after yourselves!
I love this idea!
I think the last time I stood up for myself was yesterday, when my mum abruptly started complaining about many of the Matildas being queer. Honestly I think I handled the situation in an unhealthy way for myself, because I spent an hour arguing with her as the discussion veered towards religion, and it was pretty stressful.
I'm proud of myself for being open about how I disagree with her, but it's annoying that she'll probably never change her mind, and in fact goes as far to say that she loves me but I should never even imagine her supporting the "wrong" things I do. This happens often enough that I don't need to do much to support myself due to being desensitised, besides allowing myself to relax afterwards. I also take comfort in the fact that I have loving friends and an accepting environment at uni.
Hey @loona thanks for sharing your experience with your mum, I can see that it would have been a frustrating conversation to have. It's great that you feel proud of yourself for standing up for what's important to you, but I imagine there is also a conflicting feeling knowing that you may never see eye-to-eye on issues like this.
You said that you think that you handled the argument in an unhealthy way for yourself. I know you mentioned that you are desensitised, but did you do anything to look after yourself after this argument? I'm glad to hear that you have a good support network to lean on with friends and uni!
Yes, I had some alone time and calmed down by listening to music. Luckily I recover pretty quickly after situations like this. Thanks for checking in : )
Good to hear @loona .
I'm glad to hear you were able to demonstrate your resilience in bouncing back. I hear that listening to music helps you calm down.
I'm wondering if you have a list of things that can help you if something like this happens again? It can be seen as a 'Coping/Calming Toolkit' that you reach into when things are tough.
Any thoughts on this?
I don't have a definite list, but I prioritise removing myself from the situation when I feel satisfied with how much I've defended myself. Later on, I vent about it, whether to a friend or in my diary.
It's great to hear what has worked for you. And yes, it's good to see that you have found removing yourself from the situation a positive step forward. Kudos to you for demonstrating such resilience! It's not easy sometimes, but it sounds like you have found some things that work for you 🙂
Please take care and we will see you around on the forums.
