cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

@Bre-RO Thank you so much! I definitely struggled in my relationship with my ex meeting my emotional needs and still am now, but I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. Thanks for the advice, it's been hard motivating myself to try new things so far having been in a very fragile and depressed state, but I'll keep at it and hopefully it will get easier with time. Thanks again! 

 

 

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

Hey @James99 I've never thought of that before but it's a brilliant idea. I do suffer from a lot of anxiety, especially lately so that's definitely worth trying.

 

Thank you for the list of activities, I've been feeling very depressed and lonely so when I'm not working I'll give them a go! Hopefully they can cheer me up Smiley Happy 

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

Hey @Rosie97 , 

 

It's so good to hear that you've found the tips from the community helpful. Breakups can be so tough, and it sounds like this one would be especially emotionally exhausting and draining, if your ex is saying that he thinks you'll get back together one day. I know when I went through something similar in the past, spending time apart ended up being so important. That's not to say it was easy - it really wasn't! But I don't think either of us were able to properly heal and move on while we were still talking to each other all of the time. 

 

I think that you're showing so much strength in coming here for advice and I think the community has given you some amazing advice! I also just wanted to say that it's totally ok to be gentle with yourself on days when things are tough and allow yourself to grieve -is there anything that you like to do for self-care? 

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for November 2020 here
Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

Thanks @Janine-RO it definitely has been emotionally exhausting and draining. I think sometimes I forget it's a process and think I should just be fully healed already. So it's hard to allow myself those sad moments where I miss it and grieve. I think the fact that we were still talking definitely did not help the healing process, not talking to him is probably the hardest thing I've ever done, it feels like losing a boyfriend and best friend all in one. I get very lonely and miss his company a lot. I'm really going to try distancing myself from him though as I know there's an unhealthy attachment there at the moment.  I've found this thread very helpful as I find it hard opening up to others and I appreciate the advice so much. 

 

As for my self-care nothing specific. I'm still trying to establish a self-care routine I suppose. I try different things here and there; meditating, painting or journaling every once in a while, occasionally walking, reading is a big one for me. There's nothing particular I do on a daily or weekly basis, my motivation has been very low and depression very high so its hard to get in that self-care mindset. 

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

My pleasure @Rosie97 don't be hard on yourself, it can take time to feel like you can motivate yourself and things are still fresh. 

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

You're awesome @Rosie97! Please know you are not alone in feeling this and it's so bloody awesome you're reaching out, that takes a lot. How are things going since last week? <3 

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

@GioDes Thank you so much for the support! Things are going okay, it was my birthday last weekend so it felt nice to be surrounded by family for a little bit, especially at a time when I feel really lonely, and depressed. I'm starting my first full time job next week, I was doing it part time up till now so things have been a little bit intense at the moment, but I welcome the distraction. I feel like the more I wallow in my emotions  and the more time I have to think about them the worse they become. 

 

If I'm being completely honest my ex and I started talking again yesterday. He sent me a birthday present so I sent a message to say thank you and our conversation has just kept going. I know I have to stop talking to him again at some point, but I'm just struggling to as it feels so nice and familiar like old times and tends to remind me of the good parts of our relationship while ignoring the bad. 

 

 

 

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

Hi @Rosie97 I'm going to put in my thoughts here Smiley Happy I was also in a relationship where the guy was convinced we would get back together and we thought we were made for each other- that didn't happen thank goodness because we fought so much and were generally abrasive in that kind of environment where relationship expectations were higher! We ended up being good friends because I pretty much just procrastinated on saying that we would get back together because I didn't realistically see it happening anytime soon. I even made a promise to myself to figure out if I still felt feelings for him at the end of the year and if I did I would tell him. This was, of course, until I found someone else who is much better for me and he couldn't handle that, which was entirely on him because he was the one who broke things off in the first place. I never ended up telling him anything Smiley LOL If you guys are a positive presence in each other's life I don't think there's any issues with talking! I just think if you know that you guys are bad for each other in a relationship you should set up that boundary for yourself and honour it, being clear that you don't want anything now, if that is true.

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

Aw, happy birthday for last week @Rosie97 . So glad to hear that you had a nice birthday and that you were able to spend it with your family. It must have been so great to be able to do that for your birthday considering the challenges that we have all been through this year Heart. Also, congratulations on moving to full-time position, that is a big move, but it's great that it is in the same position that you were in before as it means you will feel a bit more comfortable already knowing what you need to be doing. 

 

I think it was nice of you to message your ex with thanks about the birthday present. Sounds like you have a bit of a tricky relationship with your ex (as most people do!), I can understand why it feels nice when you talk to him at times as it reminds you of good memories in the past. You mentioned that you will have to stop talking to them, is there anyone else that you could talk to instead, as a way to kind of slowly move away from talking with them? Would you find that to be helpful instead? StormySeas17 also raised a good point around possibly continuing talking to them if your relationship is still positive and friendly, would this be an option too?

Highlighted

Re: A confusing breakup

Hi @Rosie97 , firstly happy birthday for last week! I hope you had a lovely day! I'm a fellow Scorpio too! Heart

 

As @StormySeas17 mentioned, I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing to continue chatting, but  I think it's just about going into it with open eyes and being clear about expectations. At the end of the day we are all human and it is SO NORMAL to miss what feels familiar and comfy, but maybe it's more about just checking in with yourself to observe what your motivations are for reconnecting and then being open and clear about the boundaries for the relationship? It can be so bloody hard, but either way, you will both learn and grow from this and it is another chance to practice trusting in yourself! ROCK ON! Heart