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Advice for toxic family

What are people's advice for living with toxic family members?


My family think that they are right, that I should get rid of my job of being a head chef because they don't like the people that I work with. Also that I should get rid of my partner of three years because they don't like his appearance, upbringing, rationality, job and living situation plus they've met him once about 2.5 years ago.


It's gotten to a point where I'm not happy, where I'm not allowed to go out without having Snapchat on, where they want to know my location or take the siblings with me. Or that they've followed me to work because I left one workplace and went to another without telling them and another time they drove past my work and called the managers demanding where i was because they couldn't see my car in the carpark since I parked in a different carpark nearby.


Where I can't even see my partner and do stuff like going bowling or to the movies or out because my family will tell that I'm a disappoint and that I everyone is disgusted with me. To the point where I've been caught once by a family member then they demaned that i pay for their silence.


It's at a point where I choose to be working almost everyday till late in the evening because the night's I am home, my slibings partners are there and it makes me upset seeing that so I'd rather be away from that.


It's like everything I do isn't right in their eyes and I'm sick and tired of being compared to other people and being yelled at and having fights pretty much everyday? 


Much thanks & peace out 




Re: Advice for toxic family

Hi @Tinkmatter,


It sounds like you have a difficult relationship with your family. That must be tough for you.


Have you told them how you feel when they try and control you? Or do they not take your feelings into account?

Have you considered moving out of home? It might be helpful to put some distance between you and your family members.

If you are happy with your job and your relationship then you shouldn't have to change them for your family, they should be understanding and supportive. 


Hope things get better ❤️


Re: Advice for toxic family

Hi @dog_lover94

I've tried telling them, but they don't take my feelings into account, they believe that they know what's best for me based upon their own judgement and how they were brought up.

I've thought about moving out, but I've been told if I do, don't come back. They've never been very supportive, always judging everything that I've done, telling me to open my eyes and see the light or that I'm going to get no where in life. So I've been doing the best I can, marching to the beat of my own drum

Re: Advice for toxic family

Hi @Tinkmatter 


The family stuff you are going through sounds super hard and must be exhausting to have to deal with it all the time. I really admire what you said about marching to the beat of your own drum, I have had to deal with many family struggles and that way of thinking really helped. Being asked for payment for silence must have been horrible and feeling like you are walking on egg shells all the time is so difficult.


You spoke about your partner, have you spoken to them about how you are feeling, or to friends? What has been happening doesn't sound ok at all, have you got other support services in place? It might help to contact 1800 Respect as they can talk through with you what is happening and see what your options might be. The are a lot of people here that have had struggles with their family and can really relate, the community is here for you Heart


Re: Advice for toxic family

@Tinkmatter, it must be difficult to deal with your family when they act like that. I'm sorry you have to go through that. Family should always be supportive, whether they agree with your decisions or not.

Do you have any self care techniques that you like to do when you are having a difficult time with your family?