I just want to take a moment to acknowledge and commend those suffering from anxiety. Not in any way disregarding other disorders/struggles as lesser than, but I just wanted to focus on anxiety for the minute.
I wanted to reach out and commend you for continuing on every single day. I know how debilitating it can be, how it can make you feel incapable of doing anything. That so many people so easily disregard it as anything serious.
I want you to know that I understand and that I feel your struggles, so very deeply in my bones.
I'm here, always, for those that would like to talk to someone that understands it from a personal level. I'm not saying that I'm free of it, I still have moments, I still struggle. Although I have learned to talk to the fears with logic. I don't have any miraculous solutions or answers to stop it, I have only personal experience with it and the ability to listen and empathize with your situation.
Please reach out if you need.
And as @scared01 said, we're always here if you need some support yourself
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
Thank you @letsheal for making such a beautiful post Reading your post gave me goosebumps it was so powerful and so relatable- I am sure this will mean the world to those reading to know they aren't alone.
Really looking forward to seeing you around the forums as a builder
Check out our community activities calendar here
Hi there, like everyone else said thanks for your post.
I'm gonna be honest rn, I nearly cried reading that, it's nice to hear about people who not only know and understand but who are willing to listen.
I've recently gotten myself into a situation, what I think could be the beginning of a relationship, which is causing me some anxiety. I'm happy with the situation more or less, but my family don't know that I'm Bi. So maybe this is the wrong section to write about this, but aside from telling people or anything, i need to work on keeping my anxiety down about it, it's getting in the way.
i was talking to my doctor about anxiety and sleep problems and her response was to tell me in a sarcastic tone that anxiety as a condition is characterised by an "actual change in a person's behaviour" and she made sure to point out to me that "maybe this is just how I am". But I know that there is something wrong because I can feel fine for days with only minor worries but then as soon as something about being gay or bi or anything other than straight comes on tv or in a song or conversation, I just shut down. and I don't just worry about what they'd think if they knew, I worry that they'll lie to make me feel better but actually they'll change towards me or something.
I am not ashamed of being Bi and I like the person I'm with atm, whether I could really call it an official relationship or not, but mum has already made it clear to me that dad wouldn't like it, my grandparents would hate and that she would be dissapointed.
please disregard if this is the wrong space for something like this, but thanks for reading anyways.
Hi @That_Beef96. I'm so glad that the post resonated with you and that it helped in some way, shape, or form.
So happy for you in regards to the new relationship .. always exciting meeting and developing with someone new. I am sorry to hear that it is causing you anxiety however as that is definitely not an enjoyable feeling! My anxiety gets in the way of pretty much everything that I do, I've found for me that going for a walk or doing some yoga and thinking about the problem in a proactive way helps ease that. For me proactive means looking at both sides of the situation and trying to calm myself by using logical thoughts to the fears or worries that are coming up.
That really saddens me hearing how your doctor responded to you being vulnerable about what was going on for you, I myself have also had difficulties with the healthcare system. But I do encourage, if you feel comfortable, to maybe see someone else? I went through quite a few different people before I found someone that understood me. As draining as it may be it does take time to find someone that you resonate with.
We ourselves know ourselves best. If you feel there is something not quite right then I would listen to that instinct! You mention that you tend to shut down when something about being gay or bi comes on. I'm curious if you've given thought about why that triggers you?
It sounds like your mum doesn't have an issue with your sexuality, I was wondering if you've tried talking to her about these feelings?
Thank you for expressing yourself and reaching out!
I'd love to tell my mum, i think that she could maybe even push her disappointment down eventually but I don't know how she would take it at the time or if she'd ever really be okay with it, also I have no clue how I would tell her (or my dad for that matter) that I'm Bi.
I think I sorta shut down around the topic of homosexuality around my family because i understand it differently to them, most of the younger generation does we've been exposed to it differently than our parents and grandparents, but also because I hate disappointing people and that word has already been used in relation to the possibility of me not being straight.
It is my goal currently, to feel more comfortable with the idea that I am not exactly what my parents wanted. I think that would help me to not only tell them but also better accept their reactions.
Hi @That_Beef96 ,
I think your goal of accepting yourself exactly as you are is a really great one, and I think you're spot on, it will help you better accept whatever their reactions are. For what it's worth, as a parent myself I can definitely say that my kids' happiness truly does come before anything else, and maybe once your parents see how happy you are in your life, they will be more accepting.It must feel so hurtful feeling like you not being straight would be disappointing
Check out our community activities calendar for August 2020 here
I really resonate with what're you saying. I myself am also bisexual and am very lucky to have a mum who is completely ok with whatever my sexuality may be, however, my dad isn't much the same. For me, I've kind of gotten to a point with him where I don't actually feel the need to share my personal life with him (I am 19 so may be a bit of a different situation if you're still underage and living with your parents). Although it's released a lot of tension for me as I know, that sadly, my dad would never really understand me and how I live my life. It's taken a lot of acceptance from my end to get to a point where I can respect his views and his beliefs without needing to push my own values onto him. Those older generations have had so many more years of embedding their ideas in their minds and it can take a miracle to change their worldview.
I definitely think it comes down to just needing to accept yourself and be comfortable with who you are (which you said you were which is so very great).
I wonder if you've taken a look at why you don't like disappointing people? It's so hard to please everyone and it ends up becoming a life endeavor.
It sounds like you're really aware of what you need to do in order to get to a better place within yourself which is great!
@letsheal you know I think you make a good point, I think it would definitely be beneficial to actually think about why I feel the need to please everyone, or at least not disappoint.
I know it is completely impossible for anyone to keep everyone happy, and I know that they should just be happy with who we all are because who we all are could be a lot worse, and I definitely don't want my whole life to revolve around other people's views of me.
I think my dad would be a bit like yours, very set in his ways, but I gladly also feel hardly any pressure to tell him about my life. I also live with my parents, though I have lived away from home before. So it seems mum the only real obstacle for me here.
You've given me some things to think so thank you very much for that.
Can I ask how long ago it was that you told your family? and has your families thoughtson the matter changed over time?
Things to check out:
Let's Chat: Giving Support - join in the discussion!
We're having a week-long SlowMo Getting Real chat about managing money. We'd love to hear your insights!
Dr Joe joined us this month to talk about emotions: check out the conversation here!
Seen something awesome on the forums?