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Attachment issues


I never rally had many close friendships or connections even with my family.  I am 17 and a male.  However I have made a friend, she is my age and we go to school together.  And for once she is someone I feel close enough to to talk to and actually scared of losing. I value her friendship more than anything.


We have only been friends for about 4 months and tried to hang outside of school a few times but mostly unsuccessful but outside of school we mostly just text a lot.  Especially with Corona we have only texted.


I have been getting into my own head thinking she didn’t want to hang and she’s just pretending to be my friend to be nice.  And I definitely not her only friend she has other friends and I a couple times I have asked to hang at some stage throughout the week and she said she couldn’t than I see on her story she gone out with others and I get rally jealous and upset and think she doesn’t want to be my friend.


I have told her this stuff when I get angry and I know I shouldn’t and we fought and I felt bad, were friends again.


But I think I have some form of attachment issues, I keep getting scared she doesn’t want to be my friend and stuff.


A couple times as well I have said stupid stuff, the other day I tried to tell her how much I appreciate her as a friend and that I love her as my friend.  And in hindesight that was weird. Maybe she did want to be my friend but not anymore.


What can I do to be a better friend and not be so bad and not have these thought?



Re: Attachment issues

Hey @Yddek,


I think everyone struggles with these kinds of thoughts! You are not a bad friend for worrying and you probably shouldn't be trying to push these thoughts away (trying to push away thoughts often makes them stronger in my experience!). However, seeking reassurance a lot or accusing your friend of not wanting to be your friend might make her withdraw or not want to make you jealous by telling you she's spending time with others.


I totally understand what it's like not having many close connections Smiley Sad and the anxieties that come with a new friendship especially when you don't have many other people you can rely on. My advice is to just be yourself and don't worry about how long you'll be friends, just enjoy it while you can. It will ultimately help you down the track to make more connections and understand yourself better (what you value, etc.)


And there's nothing wrong with telling a person you value their friendship, maybe just don't overdo it or they'll get suspicious Smiley Happy