I'm going to try and keep this short and simple but I would really like some advise on this matter!
Back in 2017, I dated this guy for a year. He was definitely my first love and we went through so much together. I've known him for over 4yrs so it has been very hard to try and let go. At the start of last year, I called things off with him because mentally I wasn't fit to deal with a relationship on top of everything going on. He went on to date another girl for around 4 months and it was so hard for me to cope because I didn't expect him to move on so quickly. I even decided to skip my semi-formal because I couldn't bear to see him with another girl on what was supposed to be our night.
He had the nerve to play with my feelings by texting me while in this relationship. He mentioned he misses me and that he prefers me over this girl. I'll admit it brought a smile to my face but I knew it was wrong so I told his girlfriend. she then labeled me disrespectful for telling her what had happened.
After his relationship with her ended I decided to reach out to him. We talked for about a week before I realized he was playing with my feelings and at the time had a thing with another girl. 2 months past and he reached out to me after I told him not to come back unless he was ready to stop messing with my feelings. ever since we have been talking and doing the whole friends with benefits things BUT he is still has a thing with this other girl (they aren't dating). I know it's wrong of me to be doing it yet I continue to. I have lost friends along the way because of it. I love this boy so much but I don't know if I'm wasting my time or if he is just using me, he reassures me he's not but at the end of the day, actions speak louder than words.
So I ask you, am I in the wrong and should I just move on from him??
Hi @fatwags! It must have been really tough and painful seeing your first love move on from the relationship so quickly. The issues with his girlfriend and the other girl he's into also sound frustrating.
I can't give you any specific advice on this forum. But we are all here for you whatever you decide to do in your relationship and will support whatever decision you end up making. In my experience, having a good quality of alternatives (his perception that his needs can be fulfilled by other people or partners) relates to lower investment in a relationship. Then again, he could end up losing his feelings for the other girl eventually. Only you can make the decision about whether to proceed in your relationship.
oof @fatwags that sounds like a really painful emotional situation. I can hear that you're feeling really conflicted and hurt by what's been going on in your relationship, and how people have reacted to it
It sounds like a really difficult choice, and no one knows the situation better than you, but i guess one way of thinking about the decision is framing it in terms of what will make you happier/less stressed over time. If whether things could settle between you back into a relationship or whether you'll still be feeling strung along? Or if there's still trust possible between you two? Do you know if there's anyone close to you who knows you both who could offer you an unbiased opinion? If, at the end of the day, you need to take a step back for you, that's more than okay
I also just wanted to say that i admire you for showing your ex's messages to his girlfriend even if she said it was disrespectful, it seems like you were just looking out for her